Tuesday, August 29

Telus is pretty cocky

My friend Brooke was visiting me for a few days, which was really fun... but not the point of my story. When she left she sent me a text on my cell phone about something and as I was replying the auto-complete feature replaced the word "tell" with "Telus" .. as in, my phone service company. Does anyone else find that weird? I mean I totally did. Telus actually thinks I'm 1. texting my friends about them, and 2. that I do it so frequently that I need a feature to help me type it faster.

Honestly I don't even know how to finish that paragraph. I'd attempt to write an example of a text I'd send about Telus but I can't even think of one; it's that ridiculous.

Instead I'll mention you should buy a ticket for the Princess Margaret Cash Cars & Condos Lottery! I know it's expensive but look at the prizes. I'm not even sure how they make ANY money at all, but I'm sure they obviously do so don't feel too bad if you become a millionaire. By the way, remember who encouraged you to buy a ticket if you win a trip or car or something. I'm not picky. I'll take any colour car at all.

Disclaimer: By reading this you agree to give me at least $100. And I'll say "really, are you sure?" and then you'll say "it's the least I can do.... by the way, you're awesome." and then I'LL say "aww I know, but really.. I can't accept" and YOU'LL say "NO I INSIST. I CANNOT FULLY ENJOY MY PRIZE IF I CAN'T GIVE YOU THIS MONEY" and I'll conclude... "wow this is so unexpected, thank you!"

Also if the conversation doesn't happen just like that, you don't win anything... and the lottery actually repo's your existing house, cars and assets.

Thursday, August 24

Man I ALWAYS get confused for Beyonce

So let me get this straight, if I'm not some Indian girl nobody has any idea who she is.. I'm a recovering meth addict, a 40 year old woman dating David Spade, or, Black. Awesome site you guys.

There isn't a day that goes by that someone doesn't come up to me on the street and yell "BEYONCE I LOVE YOU! HAVE MY BABIES!" It's super annoying, I'm just trying to live my life!! Ok but seriously on the upside, no Christina Ricci slightly makes up for being compared to Fergie Butterface.


Wednesday, August 23

The one man band without any fans

From time to time I like to make comic strips on stripcreator. That's right, I'm a stripper. Not really. These times aren't very frequent, so, since the last time I've totally forgotten my password. I pretty much spent all day thinking about what it could be... without success. RIP old strips on stripcreator. My favourite will always be the final series "The OC"

Welcome, new strips!

Never meet your neighbors
Fights with Inanimate Objects

More to come between now and next year sometime. Or whenever I say so, basically.

Also you might/might not notice I put a link down on the side under Informative Entertainment for an album I'm listening to called Brad Sucks... I don't know what I'm doing. I emailed him, he said it was ok.

You can listen to the entire album, download it, whatever. I got the whole thing off his site, it's good. The first track is my favourite. And, though it has nothing to do with the music, I'd like to think if I ever made an album (which would never happen) that I would have named it the same thing. Except my band wouldn't be Ann Sucks, it would be Ann is Terrible. It's classier.

If you haven't voted, don't forget to vote for my eBay poll from yesterday's post.

Which is the weirder eBay item?

Tuesday, August 22

The Auctioneer

Andrea and I have this contest going on for title of "auctioneer" via eBay. Basically I made it up for the singular reason that I want to (no.. NEED to) find a more ridiculous item than what she just bought. Don't ask why, it's just something I do. After some searching I think I have a few pretty good candidates. I don't actually want to BUY any of these because then I will own them and they're all fucking creepy things to have in your house... unless you put them in the garden, like Andrea. Anyhow, I figured I'd have a vote. Help me out.

First, let's meet our candidates:

  1. Sexy Nude and Banana Oil Painting
    (x-rated image)

  2. Cobra Snake Wine

  3. Enthusiastic Suggestions Bank

By the way, whoever buys that last item will probably enjoy a few laughs with guests at their parties before it comes to life one night and murders you in your sleep. Or possibly while watching House. That's such a great show.


Which is the weirder eBay item?

Monday, August 14

I'm gonna kill you. Exclaimation point.

I think Ray Romano should do a creepy movie role. I'm pretty sure he'd be a great serial killer, because A) if he was ever serious for even half a minute you'd already wonder what was up.. and B) I saw this 5 second commercial for this movie he did called Grilled (with the guy from King of Queens) and I hear the line "don't you think it's alright for you to eat meat, like God intended" (or something similar) but with a odd tone that at first listen I didn't think it was a comedy. I honestly thought he was some sort of cannibal, about to eat a baby or whatever. It's like when Robin Williams did One Hour Photo and you were like WHOA that wasn't funny! get away from my children!

Tell me you wouldn't pay to see Ray Romano stab someone, and smear lipstick on his chest while listening to Sade.


Sorry, this is the creepiest picture I could find.
ie. the only picture on earth where Ray Romano isn't grinning like a jackass. What's up with that??!

Which naturally leads me to this pic I found:

I love tattoo's with punctuation? What the f...

Thursday, August 10

Beer Pong Champions

So I'm back! ...obviously. I had such a great time this week, even with the storm/tornado warning (later called a "microburst") the power outtage and high heat/freezing temperature at night... oh and the 80 million fucking bees. Just a really wonderful time considering. I almost wished it was twice as long. I've never missed the internet less, honestly.

Alisia has about 90% of the pictures so when I get them from her I'll put them up. I'm guessing this week sometime. For now you'll have to settle for some visuals of my first time playing beer pong! IT WAS AWESOME.

It all started like this: "oh I want to play, how do you play? oh ok, sorry i'm not very good" drink drink drunk "WE'RE GOING TO KICK ALL YOUR FUCKING ASSES!!!" Apparently, drinking makes me that much more competitive... and I was already pretty competitive to begin with. I actually apologized the next day for all the trash talking I did. Ya it was that bad. Everyone was like, man I thought you were so nice.. then I started yelling "you thirsty???" and when I got the ball in I shouted out DRINK!! It was pretty obnoxious.

I'm such an asshole sometimes ;)

First we beat the champs (who also played 5 games, but Maria puked later), then 2 more teams, and then this American couple who apparently has never lost... solidifying our drunken confidence that we were, in fact, the best team to ever play beer pong. After that we were challenged to a re-match by Al again because he apparently loves to lose. lol. All in all, played and won 5 games then called it a night/collapsed into bed. I should mention we played with death daquiries (like 15%), not beer (5%). I hate beer. I was so trashed that I actually started using a system where I aimed like 5 inches in front and to the left of the cup I wanted to get it in. Maybe I shouldn't give away my secrets seeing as we're going to be challenged like nobody's business next year. That's what you get for being cocky and having a rep as being devistatingly awesome and unbeatable.
And sexy.

Just thought I'd throw that in.



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