Tuesday, October 31

Happy Halloween :)





I'll get the rest of the pictures on Friday.. bachelorette party night! Woo woo.

Sunday, October 29

I'll have everything, with everything on it. For here AND to go.

Last night was hilarious. I ended up drinking what had to amount to an entire box of wine lol. No really, I only had 8 drink tickets the whole night but I guess my cousin vince was a pretty good bartender! I partied all night, danced around, met new people, saw great costumes, helped sell tickets and shooters, and ended up leaving with a complimentary pizza! The only way it could have got any better is if Sean had been able to come with me instead of having to work. The second way the night would have been better is if it didn't start off with my being involved in a car accident. The third way it would have been better is if that car accident hadn't been with a member of the groom's family... oh and his car was very damaged. Great first impression right? I guess I should say that's it's good that everyone was OK, but honestly from the look on that guys face he didn't seem like he was going to be OK. I saw that same look once on a guy who found out he'd be getting executed in a couple of hours.

Oh by the way we sold about $300 in jell-o and pudding shots. Yeah, pudding. It's pretty good actually. Thanks to the one person who actually guessed.. you're my hero. I can only assume it means nobody else really wants to see me being embarassed. Wow, I never thought this day would come! I feel like I should thank somebody or make a toast... because there's a really retarded one of me near the end of the night. lol.

Speaking of weird. I'll just end this post by telling you what my mother made me for brunch. A syrup-soaked pancake with a fried egg on it, a bran muffin and 3 cherry tomatoes with ranch dressing on them. She said "well I didn't know what you wanted" .. um not THAT! Never have I ever been so indecisive that I wanted someone to just bring me everything.

Tuesday, October 24

All treats, no tricks

Two things in the media right now that I am pretty positive are signs that luck really exists. Actually accusing Michael J. Fox of "overdoing" the Parkinsons for sympathy ... and being paid $3.5 million dollars to tell everybody how you killed a couple of people. Not the usual prison time and daily anal rape for him! And Rush Limbaugh has managed to stay alive somehow instead of being sucked directly into hell, so, that's a way better deal than usual too. What a couple of lucky guys! I bet you thought me proving luck exists would be more life affirming and hopeful. Nope! I also think it's totally fair that for me, luck exists as I just occasionally find a $5 dollar bill in an old coat. Yeah.. just as good. Wow luck is a real asshole.


I am really looking forward to Halloween. My cousin Maria is having a Stag and Doe costume party so an added bonus is we can win prizes for dressing up. I was going to dress up as Alice in Wonderland but I decided to go as red riding hood, same as last year, since I wanted to win best couples costume! I'm pretty sure that me and my big bad wolf will win <3 ;)

I'll tell you all about it the following week as I'm positive the entire night will be well drunkumented. Since I'm a bridesmaid, I'll also be working that night as one of the shooter girls I think. I'm going to extend an offer that if anyone guesses within 5$ of the total money made from the shots Antonella and I sell then I'll post a really stupid picture of me from the night, if one is taken. Trust me.. one is always fucking taken. I'm going to go ahead and guess for you right now that it'll be me making some stupid scary face or one of the 89 pics I am in the middle laughing. You can't put a price on that.

Controls of the contest:

Number of tickets printed = 300 (number attending unknown)
Wedding party total (including Bride and Groom but not including kids) = 16
Price of shooters = 2$ - 4$
Number of hours of the party = at least 5
Food served = tasty buffet

If you're not sure why that last bit of information might help your guess then you're either a) not going to do very well in this contest or b) never been drunk/around drunk people. The more food you eat, the more you can drink. Obvi.

I guess the contest ends Nov. 1st.

Also! I'm really looking forward to the Lost party tonight at my house. I wonder what Lost themed food would be.. peanut butter? Also, adding chocolate soy milk to your coffee instead of vanilla is one of those ideas that are 100% not as good as you thought it would be.

Friday, October 20

Tyra Banks is out of her damn mind




Seriously. I nearly spit out my cereal when I watched this.. and by nearly I obviously mean that I did and it was totally worth it. I should mention I found this on thesuperficial.com. I think it's possible she might be trying to mock Oprah (which is a great idea if you're a new black women talk show host) and her crazy dream giveaways. Even if that's what's going on here (which I kind of hope is the case honestly, or else she needs to be tested for drugs) she 100% failed because let me just point out right now what someone should have a while ago.. Tyra Banks is not funny. Not even ironically funny, and a lot of people are at least that.

&

The first annual Myspace stupid haircut awards! As someone who likes pointing out how things look a lot like other, more hilarious things... you have no idea how entertained I was by this list. It's so hard to pick a favourite, but if I really had to I'm leaning towards the Tom/Proudstar comparison. I think it was the women's jeans.

Anyways, good jerb on this guy... he even did the second annual Myspace stupid haircut awards! Which is just as good, but 8 million times as scary. I had no idea how many people really want to be superheros/are out of their damn minds.

Thursday, October 19

Google: lesbian lesbians girl-on-girl.. gay

Just out of interest, I check out what people Google to get to this website. I mean, usually they're pretty funny but this week is a tad unusual.

Top 5:

  1. lesbian baby
  2. what if my dad threatens to beat me
  3. lesbian cartoon
  4. *variations of my name and the word fucked or fucking* <-- classy by the way
  5. AMBER NEEDS TO GET ON MYSPACE WHEN SHE GETS HOME TODAY

Wow, what the crap is up with number 2?! I sincerely hope no one's dad is beating them up, and if they are, this totally isn't the site for you ...but if you're here anyways I'm going to advise you to kick him in the balls if he does. Or tell him he's the worst father in the universe and then threaten HIM with perhaps mentioning to someone he may have touched you inappropriately. Bruises fade but he'll have to register as a sex offender for the rest of his life. I'm just saying...

Boy is the internet weird, & so is the facination with lesbians.

Monday, October 16

Ugly is the new cute

So this week I've been away/ keeping my grandma company. I know, don't you wish I made up some other reason as to where I've been? Maybe like, skydiving camp. Ok so I was so sick and tired of skydiving all day so I went out to lunch with Brooke and her mom and I finally bought my shoes for the wedding.



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Apparently, I'm selectively indecisive.. and that has caused me to take 4 months to find a pair of fucking shoes that were the right colour. What is more ridiculous than that? Buying a pair of shoes that are the right colour that you have little to no chance of being able to walk normally in. I feel like an 8 year old in her mom's shoes. What? I'm not a hooker, ok, I need practise!


My mom isn't a hooker. I just realized what I was implying there....



So anyhow, wish me luck on that. I have until November 11th to be a "street walker" pro. By the way, someone needs to dare me to make a toast like this at the wedding. Hahaha. To pure terror!!!!

Thursday, October 5

Toronto Marathon 2006

My friend Rob is participating in the Princess Margaret Hospital Marathon next weekend. Personally, I think that's pretty cool for him so I hope he kicks everybody's ass. Figuratively. Also, I think it'd be great for anyone who maybe sucks at running like I do but still wants to support cancer research... you can just sponsor him and he can do all the running! All you have to do is click here, and you get to do a good thing today without getting all sweaty.




See I could never run in a marathon like this, mainly because nobody in their right mind would support me. Cancer patients would actually ask me NOT to run for them... that's how badly I run. I remember one time I was about to take a final exam. In high school, for some reason, I decided that my exam ritual would be to get up ridiculously early... get McDonalds breakfast (of champions) while I study.. and catch the bus to school. Yeah, I dunno, a lot of my bright ideas in the morning revolved around McDonalds breakfast. Anyways, I walk out to catch my bus.. full of McSausage and grease browns (oh, right, and KNOWLEDGE) and I see my bus about to go by. I FREAK OUT because that's one of my worst nightmares, like a lot of people, being late to a final exam. So I full out run. You know the kind of run where you don't even care what you look like, you'd even flail your arms on purpose if you knew it would help speed you up somehow.

Anyway, I caught the bus... somehow... but my heart was on fire and it took me about 45 mins to catch my breath. It was probably closer to 15 mins but it felt like 45. And it was only one block. One.

That was before I started working out at all but it's the best story I can think of related to how much I suck in this area. Oh and that people actually laugh when I run. Out loud and everything. I'm not sure why it's so hilarious.. maybe I'm the Elaine of running and I just don't know it.

So support Rob, if just to never have to see me run ever. It's just not safe.

Monday, October 2

This one is wet






Hahaha. Ok I don't watch that show but I really wished I was there for this episode. I also love that this was on ABC Family.



Oh and this is totally random but, who orders those written transcripts you see at the end of t.v. shows? Even if it was a really great show, who says " you know, that was so great that I need to buy that in written form and enjoy it on a whole new level." I don't get it, and it's really bothering me. How werid is that? If I ever went to someone's house and I saw a whole shelf full of Dr. Phil transcripts I'd be terrified and make some excuse to leave. Then when I'm in my car they'd call my cell and quote a reference from the transcript of the episode "irrational fears" where this exact situation happened. Maybe it is irrational but whatever you're fucking creepy.
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