Thursday, January 4

I'm taking questions

RE: New Years pics

I got them all but I need to resize them or else you'll just be looking at a bunch of really drunk giant eyeballs.

RE: Worst Waitress Ever

So Rob basically had it, this chick was so shitty at her job it wasn't even funny. She got every order wrong, then yelled at Alisia for wanting to take 2 drinks off her bill saying "I can't be doing that all night!!!" I asked to start a tab for 3 people and give her my credit card... she puts everyone's drinks on my bill, forcing me to do drunk math. I HATE DRUNK MATH!!! She spills a martini into a car bomb and goes, oops! Then she brings us 3 of the 4 cosmopolitans we ordered and tries to convince us it's really 4 drinks but in 3 glasses... to the top. All of that happens the two lucky times we do manage to find her and have her take our order, which is why we asked for 4 drinks because hey what do you know, she's not around 30 mins to the count down! Or 15, or 10, or at all. The bill comes and I put 110$ on the table because she was so shitty (it was 106$) and Sean takes it off and gives her exactly 106$ because she was so shitty. We all agree, no tip for her. Brooke hands her the money and she immediately goes "WHAT, YOU'RE NOT LEAVING ME A TIP AT ALL??" and has this indignant face like I just took a shit on her mother's grave. I say "I just want my card back, thanks" and she is still in complete SHOCK and keeps whining so Brooke says "yeah we just have to go to the bank machine" and she walks away like "oh you better!" so I walk over to the rest of the group and tell them all not to tip her, if they were going to and we put our coats on a head for the door. I stop for LITERALLY 1 minute to talk to this girl at the door and the waitress sees us and RUNS towards us yelling "ARE YOU LEAVING??!! OH MY GOD, YOU'RE LEAVING WITHOUT GIVING ME A TIP ON A 100$ BILL?" We walk out, and honestly I thought Sean was behind me... in which case he is basically going to make sure she regrets being born (or, ever coming out of the lifelong coma to come work at this bar) and I walk behind Brooke who is telling her that maybe she should have got our orders right. Apparently Sean was already on the street waiting for us so he had no idea and our hotel is literally 5 feet away so we just go in... as she's still screaming INTO THE NIGHT about how awesome we are, and thanks for the tip and blah blah blah. We pretty much end up talking about what a cunt she is until the rest of the group gets to our hotel room and tells us how the waitress went back inside and complained to THEM that we didn't tip her. Honestly I have never seen anything like it in my life.. she acted exactly like we didn't pay our bill or something and dashed on her. I mean exactly. I am calling Madison Ave. this week and complaining about her, and explaining that this is why 13 people who attended last year and this year will not be coming back next year.

RE: Snakes on a Plane

I just finished watching this and while it's not the most ridiculous movie I have ever seen, it's still fucking stupid... and had me asking myself a lot of questions. There were a few times where I had to laugh though and wonder about just who the fuck wrote this and how much money did they make? Were they held at gunpoint? Like the pilot makes a wonderful analogy that "the plane will drop faster than a Taiwanese whore". Now all I can think of is... first, why a Taiwanese whore specifically? and second, how fast do they drop? Like you walk into the whore house in Taiwan and they, like snakes, lunge and "strike" at your crotch and stick on? I take no responsibility for that ridiculous mental image since all the snakes on the plane managed to bite people in the weirdest fucking places. i.e. Boobs, a couple of crotches, eye socket, mouth... and one guy who died from a chick putting her high heel into his head. That has nothing to do with it but .. just how fast was she walking? Then there was the line "apparently he's some kind of hardcore snake guy!" and I had to ask myself, if you're into snakes then who ISN'T a hardcore snake guy? Are there just some average casual snake enthusiasts? They could take them or leave them. Or is he so HARD CORE XXXXX about it, as in actually crazy? In which case his character should have sounded more like this...

Holy moly! a plane full of motherfreaking snakes!

*unbuttons his shirt really fast*
*pokes the lenses out of his glasses and snaps it in half*

See because anyone who cares about snakes, even HARD CORE XXXXX, is still as geeky as they come. Like the hulk, only he lives with his mother and wears pajamas with bum flap buttons to bed... and says HOLY MOLY. And these are really things I think about....


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