Wednesday, March 21

Mommy's Little Helper

Here's a pic from Maria's wedding that I got off Antonella, of the bridal party. Cute, aren't we? Notice how many drinks are in front of me and Antonella compared to everyone else.

Anyhow I didn't end up going out for St. Patty's.. but, I say yay to that! Honestly I don't know how obvious it was or not but I was still very hung over from my sticky-note night before and not everybody could come out anyway, it turned out, so we saved it for this weekend (my birthday.)

If you're hard up for gift ideas, I just recently discovered seeing as I'm a compulsive online browser. Even if something was 2 cents I would still have to think about it before making a purchase. You find all kinds of stuff on there that people recommend that they've bought/used, like Patron Silver Tequila! With the utterly terrible member recommendation by "Jezebel" where she simply comments "mommy's little helper" .. just wow. I think Maury did a show based on mothers who buy alcohol online. Or he should.


It might be hard to believe after this post but about 99% of everything I do isn't alcohol related, but I'm just on such a roll right now I'm going to stop here.

Friday, March 16

Note to self:

You know you've truly reached adulthood when you come to your computer in the morning and there is a note in the middle of your desktop that reads:

That's right, I actually scolded myself in the future for getting a hangover! The worst part is I can't even argue! unless I have a time machine.. and I'm pretty sure mine is currently broken. Good advice though.

This on the eve of St. Patty's, the vomiting holiday! And my first pub crawl, wish me luck.. maybe I should bring sticky-notes with me.

Jesus, who's bringing sexy back?

Sunday, March 11

It's better to un-impress then to under-impress

"Hey can you hold on, I've been looking for my cell phone the entire time we've been talking and I can't find it anywhere!"

The night started a little late, which was a great indicator of how late it would be. At 10pm we drove out to St. Catherines, pretty much just to change our minds about waiting in line somewhere (we don't DO lines!) and went to see the band "The Feels" As you can see from my pictorial evidence Andrea took over my cell phone by this point because hers died, probably from embarrassment because she couldn't find it while she was talking on it. I mean if I were a cell phone I would probably die if that happened to me. She's crazy! Haha. Then we went to Moffort's around 3am-4am (if you count the new daylight savings) and Scott was really nice treated us to some chicken shwarma.

I'm not sure exactly why or how but I fail at eating shwarma, by the way. I fail at it as much as Andrea fails at talking on the phone.. which is, without a doubt, 100% completely.

Fun fun night.

Saturday, March 10

Happy Birthday Rob

I got this for my friend Rob for his birthday, but then I got stuck in an elevator shaft and I had to use it and the moons gravitational pull to get myself out. I hope he didn't need it. Happy Birthday! And I'm sorry I couldn't make it out to your dinner tonight but apparently instead I am going to be an escort in the drunker half of a girl on girl twosome. It's what Rob would have wanted....

i have to go to a bar in st. kitt's to meet a friend but i am not staying late. but i didn't want to go alone b/c i want to drive myself so i can leave whenever i want

do u want to be my escort?

btw i'm lesbian now


but don't worry i only date black women

for sure. ah damn, my dreams crushed again! i already bought a flannel shirt just in case.

Monday, March 5

In case you didn't notice the countdown ticker at the bottom of my page

RE: My "quarter of a century" Birthday plans

Saturday March 31st @ the 7:30pm show in Toronto. It's a little pricey (60$) but that is what I want to do this year so suck it up! Apparently I want to be transported to 11th century Spain, and you all need to be there too.. drinking beer and cheering for some guy to get knifed. I will try and drive as many people as I can if you need a ride, just let me know, or if you need directions. All I have to say is that you will be old one day and then I will have to do whatever it is you want to do for fun... excluding stripping down naked, in which case I will say "nice try!" If Saturday is bad for you I think we're having drinks at Hess on Friday night.

I know lots of my friends read my website and have been asking what I'm doing so if you see me online just IM me via msn and let me know if you can come. Tickets can be purchased online, or at the event but I'd like to call and tell them how many people will be coming beforehand. If you can see this you're probably invited, unless I don't know you, then it's safe to say that's not the case... and none of this was interesting to you whatsoever.


Sunday, March 4

Straight narration is always "too much information"

"Little did she know that this simple seemingly innocuous act of purchasing two energy drinks, instead of one, would result in her imminent death."

Casually shopping through the soft drink cooler at the local convenience store, Ann-Marie noticed that aside from her usual favourite (FAVE) "Rockstar Juiced" that there was a new kind of energy drink in the lineup. The newer, scarier, bigger, better cousin of the unusually good (but tiny can of ) Beaver Buzz... aptly named "Big Buzz" i.e. ---> *

She thought to herself, noticing it was the same exact price, that she would just buy two for tonight and try it out. After all it's Sunday and she had to stay awake for an entire movie tonight, momentarily recalling the previous night where she fell asleep halfway through SNL. Later that night, she read the already empty can in her hand which specifically said not to ever have more than one of these a day. In an act of complete stupidity, she went to the fridge and got another while watching the movie Stranger than Fiction... which is why she is annoyingly narrating this blog. At this very moment. Right now. It's a fantastic movie by the way.

Eating pizza and ignoring the eyelid twitch that was developing in her right eye, Ann-Marie made an abrupt and disgusting revelation upon returning from the bathroom.

"I have diarrhea and I'm jacked" she said to Sean
"Ok" he replied, with a grin.

Always being the smellier of the two, especially after the hard-boiled egg incident that very morning, Sean felt pretty great about this irony. And for the rest of the night, after a definite declaration that this is the first time in Sean's life he's not wanted to have sex with Ann-Marie, they discussed in great depth the very necessary idea that if it existed what a porno based on this situation would be called... and decided it would most likely be "Butt Buzz" or "Anality 4: Guarana's Revenge"

The End.

* By the way, you may think that jacked up beaver is holding a stick ripped in half but I'm convinced it's actually an animation of my colon.

Thursday, March 1

Lousy Smarch Weather

Here's some pics of the Bloody Party, no blood though. Up on

^ this is the point, after reviewing the set, that I should have went to bed. Just FYI, if you ever see me and Antonella take a picture like this.

So now I pretty much have the flu; actually I've likely had it for a few days but now is when I'm feeling it. I'm not all that surprised since I've been taking care of my baby all week sick with the flu, plus this fucking weather is weird. So today I am attempting to 'take it easy' .. whatever that means. There's a really fine line between easy and bored, though.

To add to the awesomeness of being sick, I see that there is absolutely nothing even remotely interesting on tv everyday from 11:00am until whenever Ellen comes on. (You could lessen that time to 8:00am if you don't find paternity tests fascinating.) This is because:
1. Martha Stewart is the devil (and getting fatter, have you noticed?)
2. You couldn't pay me to watch those crazy bitches on The View
3. I refuse to watch Price is Right because I think it's wrong to witness and old man die in front of a national audience. It's got to be some form of being in hell to spend your last days on earth explaining Plinko and counting change that never equals more than a dollar.

I think I will see how Viva Pinata looks on the new TV, rather than Martha's fat ass cakes. This is the one moment in my life I've least wanted cake.
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