Sunday, March 4

Straight narration is always "too much information"


"Little did she know that this simple seemingly innocuous act of purchasing two energy drinks, instead of one, would result in her imminent death."

Casually shopping through the soft drink cooler at the local convenience store, Ann-Marie noticed that aside from her usual favourite (FAVE) "Rockstar Juiced" that there was a new kind of energy drink in the lineup. The newer, scarier, bigger, better cousin of the unusually good (but tiny can of ) Beaver Buzz... aptly named "Big Buzz" i.e. ---> *

She thought to herself, noticing it was the same exact price, that she would just buy two for tonight and try it out. After all it's Sunday and she had to stay awake for an entire movie tonight, momentarily recalling the previous night where she fell asleep halfway through SNL. Later that night, she read the already empty can in her hand which specifically said not to ever have more than one of these a day. In an act of complete stupidity, she went to the fridge and got another while watching the movie Stranger than Fiction... which is why she is annoyingly narrating this blog. At this very moment. Right now. It's a fantastic movie by the way.

Eating pizza and ignoring the eyelid twitch that was developing in her right eye, Ann-Marie made an abrupt and disgusting revelation upon returning from the bathroom.

"I have diarrhea and I'm jacked" she said to Sean
"Ok" he replied, with a grin.

Always being the smellier of the two, especially after the hard-boiled egg incident that very morning, Sean felt pretty great about this irony. And for the rest of the night, after a definite declaration that this is the first time in Sean's life he's not wanted to have sex with Ann-Marie, they discussed in great depth the very necessary idea that if it existed what a porno based on this situation would be called... and decided it would most likely be "Butt Buzz" or "Anality 4: Guarana's Revenge"

The End.










* By the way, you may think that jacked up beaver is holding a stick ripped in half but I'm convinced it's actually an animation of my colon.

1 Comment:

Robert said...

One day I hope to have a strong enough relationship that my wife can feel comfortable telling me she has diarrhea... but not do it.

And I think some guy on the Something Awful forums already paid a Brazilian director to make that exact porno.

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