Monday, June 9

Alright here's a stupid craft story for you




Do you remember that show in the 80s (if you're Canadian) called "Just Like Mom" ? They let these kids go crazy in a kitchen full of food to "create" a dish while their Mothers watched in horror knowing at the end they'd have to eat some of it. It was totally my favourite show ever! If the kids made something with let's say, and egg on top I'd be all.. OH NO THAT ISN'T AN INGREDIENT IN APPLE PIE, YAY YOU HATE YOUR MOM THIS IS GOING TO BE SO AWESOME. If the Mom made a face when she went to eat it I'd be super pissed too; what's her problem? Is she too good for chocolate pepper ketchup rice pie?

And that basically explains the rest of this story. I like inventing things. For fun I thought of all the stuff I have made as a kid which were not crafts and came up with a short list to share:


- perfume + other perfume + more perfume = my own better perfume
- water + hand lotion = my own better hand lotion
- toothpaste and floss on paper = fridge art that smells nice!
- apple juice + milk = newer better drink
- milk in a cup in the bathroom = my own better cheese?


etc.


A big problem I have with crafting - other than it means you're crazy - is you're not really making or inventing anything new. Sure if you refinish a table it'll look better but probably as good as it looked brand new OR just a bit different. If you made a new sort of table that becomes a cupboard though, that would be cool. Same with anything else so I guess I don't really appreciate "art" on it's own... I'd really prefer it did something. Even today I still enjoy thinking about my own inventions on a regular basis. I have some pretty good ones! just waiting for some 3M kind of company to listen to my ideas. And knock on my door and ask me if I have any. lol.


By the way all of those previous inventions I listed were all horrible especially the last one. The toothpaste one wasn't AS bad I suppose... just weird. I also realize nobody wants perfume that comes in a giant tub and smells so strong it could rape cats.


If you want to feel better about me possibly calling you "crafting people" crazy and that list didn't do it then please, read on.

When I was I dunno, maybe 10? maybe 12.. I'm bad with ages, I could have been 6. I decided to make something out of cardboard. It was SUCH a great idea, whatever it was, that there was no deterring me. So I'm sawing away at this cardboard piece with a huge carving knife. My mom kept knives everywhere but that's another story - actually no its not really a story she simply kept knives everywhere. So my Dad walks in, asks what I'm doing, I tell him - along with what a brilliant idea it was - and he says "Ok.. well be careful with that. Are you sure you don't want scissors?" Oh no, impossible, I already tried scissors and they weren't good enough. I showed him where my thumb was red from trying that.. like jeeze DAD. He tells again to be careful about cutting myself and knowing he can't deter me from doing it, leaves to do something else. I am bothered by the mere mention my brilliant idea may not be as great as I thought, and as far as cutting myself with a knife this big well that's just stupi... oops I just sliced right through my finger. Oh dear god it's bad, it's purple, what to do? Go call my Dad? Oh no, not that! He would just be proven right about me cutting myself, can't have that. Ok let's just calmly walk to the sink in horror and wash it, lightly put a band aid over the flap of skin and pretend it never happened.

I now have a scar in the shape of a flap and for a while I really did forget where it came from. I'd totally love to end this stupid craft story for you with some kind of message about how I learned my lesson but I'd be absolutely lying. I actually have a similar story from when I was very very much younger than that and I was in the bathroom having climbed up on the counter in front of the mirror trying to shave my face "just like my Dad" ironically! Anyway I didn't know what the hell shaving your face was even for, nicked my skin above my lip and when my Dad walked in and asked me what the red stuff was, rather than admit I cut myself I licked it off and said it was ketchup. It stung and my dad laughed and it was a favourite story of his. To be fair my parents DID tell me blood was ketchup when I saw it on TV. So you see it's just my natural reaction to be a complete and utter stubborn child! I think up stupid ideas I do them no matter what, I don't enjoy ANY criticism on them, and I don't ask for help when I get in trouble I rather just pretend it's not happening instead.

My poor parents - I'm so totally screwed if my child is anything like me and it's almost a certainty that they will be. Tell me what to do? But that's the opposite of what I want to do! No dice, ma!

Even though I despise it, to my credit I am now more likely to ask for help and also criticism because it is helpful - even to someone who knows everything or doesn't like to share everything, like me ;) ! Nevertheless I'd appreciate if you'd support me if I gave you things made out of toothpaste OK? Thanks a bunch!

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