Monday, June 23


Legendary comedian George Carlin has died. Sad news... Jerry Seinfeld wrote a great letter about him for the NY Times.

I suppose in the spirit of the things I always found funny about him, I'll tell you something that really irritates me, and, use as much swearing as possible.

Health Information.

I read "did you know ____ is bad for you?" all the time and as anyone would, I think to myself, oh no I don't want to eat something that is bad for me! What do I eat then? The answer is always: nothing! Don't eat anything at all! Or more specifically, look, we don't know what you should be eating we just know _____ will fucking kill you.

Example: MILK.

Great so milk is so fucking bad for you that if you don't drink or eat any dairy products for just 7 days your body will let go of 1 gallon of mucus. Disgusting! It may even be responsible for Autism.. possibly the scariest condition ever.. plus basically a billion other diseases. Ok so, no milk, got it! I guess I'll drink soy milk?

NO SOY MILK IS EVEN WORSE SOMEHOW! The truth about soy. Oh and Rice milk doesn't have enough nutrients so you have to get calcium from somewhere else, so go worry about that! Fantastic.

Great! Soooooo "health information" people, you're really great at scaring the shit out of me anytime I want to eat something so why not give me some ideas about what I can eat? Or at least something that won't kill me.. I'm just looking to keep living, here. I had the good fortune of reading the Peta brochure.. and wow, Pigs actually go mad from not being able to turn around? And they're more intelligent than Dogs.. so I can't eat that anymore. Goodbye, Wendy's Baconator! Anything else, assholes? Anyone else want to tell me what sucks to eat? I'm all ears! Just give me a list of what I need to buy ok, I won't question it, but right now I need to know WHAT CREAM SUBSTANCE DO I PUT IN MY ORGANIC FREE-TRADE COFFEE... just tell me that!

This is exactly why there is a Measles outbreak. Some mother-fuckers started telling parents that the vaccine gives you Autism and give you no other information, like how that ingredient has now been taken out of the MMR vaccine, so rather than risk doing something bad like mentally retarding their children people just are too afraid to do anything at all! And I'm not sure why those cunts don't see the responsibility they have to give people alternatives and not just sitting there wondering is anything good for you? *

I mean just last week my Dad was in a panic after watching something on 60 minutes about how much cell time I was using, and got me that MagicJack so he didn't have the mental image of cooking my brain everytime he called me.

I'm telling you.. a few more years of this and people are going to just ziplock bag themselves up, put an IV drip in their arm to eat, sit in a cave, and avoid contact with anyone or anything.

*I forgot a couple swear words: cocksucker, bitch, piss and tits. Ok done.


Sean Hazlett said...

im not going to stop eating the baconator. 1. its not from a pig its made from melted plastic, what are you going to tell me that heated polycarbonate bacon is bad for you? go fuck yourself.

Amber said...

i'm not so much worried about the autism's just this that really creeps me out:

(obv not supposed to be on two lines, lol).

but ya, as people have told brian: watch out for that soy milk IT'LL TURN YOU INTO A GIRL!! because so milk is the only thing in the world with phytoestrogens...riiiiight.

people are dumb.

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