Friday, October 31

Beware: Impenetrable Candy Apple

Oh how I wish I didn't live in a townhouse that literally no children want to climb, even if I do have caramel apples.  Open bowl on the steps for everyone, again!  I wish there were a safe phrase where you can wrap homemade candy with a note saying "seriously I'm not putting razorblades in this" because I would do that.

And yes I chose caramel this time because 1. it's way easier to make and 2. the candy apple fiasco of 2005 where I went a little overboard with the candy coating.

That's about 12 inches of candy on top of those apples - it would take a wolverine to eat them.  But I packaged them nicely with notes saying "not poison apples" .. what more do people want????

Speaking of safe codes for candy.  Here's a list of  Kids Halloween Candy Codes.

To get some more action at my house I'm drawing a freaking Werthers Original chalk code on my driveway myself; it's so freaking cute.  That's right everyone... they should have a code for me, the false candy coder.  Or maybe that's what the ominous BEWARE lollipop code was for? False coders... and the house that gives out aspirin or edible underwear.

Now that I think about it, I don't think that code was a lollipop at all... I think it's actually an impenetrable candy apple!  They must have heard about me.

Thursday, October 30

Drink me

I've become slightly preoccupied with all things drink related lately.  It all started the morning of the wedding I made sure we HAD to have mimosas, and the chilly morning after breakfast we had a formal teacup tea party with the fireplace going.  Well, more like I conned everyone into having tea because when we left for the wedding one of my cousins left the screen door open and it was so ridiculously cold I'm sure I could have suggested pouring the tea in everyones pants and they would have agreed with the same enthusiasm.  I don't think I have seen anything funnier than Wes with a teacup asking if there was anything specific he's supposed to be doing with it.  lol.  Yes sing us a song!

Now I find myself only drinking the wine we had at the wedding whenever there's a choice... and really excited to use it in the new italian wine decanter we got as a gift.  So we did that when Brooke came over and I finally got to taste the red, which everyone thought was crazy awesome, because I am a wine spiller like I've mentioned and red wine on a white dress is the subject of probably a lot of night terrors for people.  I don't know who those people are but clearly we need to switch nightmares.  Anyway it was amazing and I'm sure just a momentary drink fascination.. if you start drinking expensive wine all the time I'm sure it'll seem regular eventually.  The decanter is great though, so I still have an excuse for a little while still ;)

I also have been making quite a lot of hot chocolate.  Starbucks actually just came out with some new "signature" hot chocolate flavours and I was excited for that - the ad even suggests its just like your favourite cashmire sweater.. it's like they read my mind!  One of my favourite things in the world is any kind of chocolate with hazelnuts but their hazelnut hot chocolate was actually really disappointing.  I'd even go so far as to call it NOT chocolate instead of hot chocolate.  Ok I would never call it that but it was pretty bad.. way too nutty or something that made it awful. I am planning having a halloween night Pumpkin Spice latte tomorrow, maybe it will help me to forgive them for screwing the hot chocolate right up.

If I have any other exciting beverages tomorrow night at the freaky friday party I will be sure to let you know.. I do know there will be a kitty litter cake so I may need just about anything to wash that image away.  Ohhhh gross.

Happy Halloween everybody!

Monday, October 27

Love & Marriage

We had such an incredible day and of course it seemed too short.  Before you knew it Andrea and Rob closed down the bar, dinner was done, the cake was cut, and with Sean and the boys and their flasks of hooch.. we were all involved in a lot of Irish dancing. Haha.  If I had no pictures I would think I just dreamed the whole thing.

We just want to thank all the family and friends for sharing such a lovely day with us, braving the brisk autumn weather to celebrate warmly in a lot of love and laughter. 

Thursday, October 16



Eeeeeeeee!...............last day!!!  hehe.  Getting some spa stuff with Brooke at 6, and Andrea comes tomorrow!  Planning a little tea party while we get ready when we're all together and my cousins get here. 

Oh I love my girls.

Tuesday, October 14

Green Tea for everything

Dear Product Marketers,

I don't watch your commercials anymore but I've notice that little by little you've turned most of the products I use into food.  For example, with all the shampoo, moisturizer and hand soap I use, my green tea intake is up 700%.  I think that's fine and everything but I have to draw the line somewhere.. and that place is my armpits.  I recently purchased some Dove "Cool Essentials" deoderant without noticing it has both cucumber and green tea in it.  Can I ask you why you think my body is a summer salad?  It's not particularly refreshing at all.  Instead I feel like a fruit smoothie, a glossy Lip Smacker, a new flavour of latte at Starbucks.  There is a reason I choose to put honey in the pantry and not in my hair; I just want it to be clean and not attract bees. That is my motto in life actaully, my only goal on earth, be clean and don't attract bees.  So from now on, you hungry little marketers, if you could keep edible things out of at least my armpits I would be satisfied.

You're friend,


Thanksgiving was turkey-full... I hope everyone also had a bunch of Turkey. I had a small dinner in Hamilton last night which was all the thanks for giving I could do this year.  The wedding was without incident and was a very fun night for us not having to worry about anything.  My grandmother was also hilariously under the infludence and I say good for her.. she is 7 million times less aggrivating after her gin and tonics.  On the other hand I think I stained the floor with all the red wine I spilled.  I know most of it ended up in my mouth but there is nothing subtle about being a wine spiller so it always looks like a lot.

Sunday the guy did some shopping and ended up sort of buying eachother a few pre-wedding gifts.  I bought him a fantastic vacuum.. it sucks great.  All I kept hearing about was how much it sucks!  Haha.  He had so much fun with it all Monday.. like a compulsive kid in a compulsive candy store.  And he bought me my new Autumn sweater.  I am so happy!  Apparently he was going to get me one of the ones I posted from Anthropologie, but I absolutely needed to have this one instead.  It makes those other sweaters look like a pile of puke.  Its grey and cotton-cashmire and fantastic and I smell the sea everytime I put it on.  I need to find a lighthouse and stand by it pensively.. whistfuly.. thinking about important things like, does my cell get reception here?

Probably not.

Thursday, October 9

Fall Weddings


It's wedding weekend! 

No not mine, my cousin Christina's.  The food is going to be abundant, and drinks apleanty.  And of course Monday is Thanksgiving so I am a little glad I had some dental work done this week (wait I am?) so I won't eat myself out of my dress.  It's turkey, I can't ..or won't.. make that into some sort of smoothie. Anyway speaking of dresses.  Just so you know I've modeled the entire theme from Russian Brides magazine.  There I'll be in my gold dress with a fur cape, and Sean will be totally saturated in vodka while the groomsmen just won't even have on shirts.  What, disasters are fun.. those people look like they're having a great time, and if you puke on the dress who will know?  Exactly.

I'm sure the wedding this weekend will be great, and very far from anything you'll see in Russian Bride magazine, though it goes without saying that next weekend is really what we're looking forward to.  Although my divorced parents will be there, and nobody on earth can say they envied some of the innovative planning I've had to do, I've let that hold me back on doing this for a very long time.  Just repeat:  I am not my parents, I am not my parents.  Ah, all better.  To Sean and I, the papers saying we're married have honestly never been important, but we're admittedly giddy and nervous as school children to get to share the celebrating with an entire day and night of family festivities. I guess now that it's all done and I am actually sitting and thinking of it, and subsequently writing about it, the mountain of small details you have to make or decide on aren't as significant as that you made them all for each other.  Or more like the big fucking headaches have all been because you care. Love headaches.  Nice Hallmark moment on me! haha.  So yeah this weekend I will be avoiding food and next weekend will be comparable to being the next two people in line for the Superman ride.  Yaaaay!  No barfing!

Otherwise I have nothing to say at the moment other than when you order from Anthropologie, they don't let you know if something is back ordered if you order more than one of them.  Fuuuh Youuuu.  Oh and when your dentist lets you watch Gene Simmons Family Jewels or Family Guy with a lotta swears.. that's pretty damn hell ass cool.  


Sunday, October 5

Lookin' good!

I was reading the Bike Snob NYC even though I really am not into bikes, I'm rather social, and I live in Oakville Ontario.  When he's not talking about bikes though the blog is rather funny, and I couldn't help but adore his latest fascination of knuckle tattoos.  I also have a fascination with knuckle tattoos but not really in the way you'd imagine; I am fascinated with thinking about what sort of person would ever do that to themselves.  What 4 letter, two word combo - or 8 letter one word singular - could possibly be that awesome?  Hmm how about 'Awesome' ?  That would be ironic... and lord knows if there's any place for irony it's on my knuckles, being read by small children as I give them candy or goldfishes.  True story:  I am known as the goldfish lady to one little girl because one time I bought goldfish crackers in bulk.  There was a sale.  One time.  Now I am the goldfish lady!

Anyhow I really just adore judging the absolutely bad mistakes people make via tattoos.  Like this lady, she makes me glad that about 98% of the decisions I've ever made have been better than this.

Wow the explanation must be amazing, and, you would have to give it pretty much all of the time.  How great would it be to be known as the fist fuck lady, to everyone, forever.  Oh fudge.  Now I wonder what sort of riff-raff I'm going to get form the search engines.

I've seen some pretty silly things happen to people via tattoos, it totally happens, but many are easily covered up or even cut out.  It's skin, whatever!  However tattooed Knuckles, if you're not livin' the thug life, say "I'd like to need mittens and battery acid if I ever decide this was a silly idea" ... but don't worry, how could it ever be a silly idea?  It's tattoos on knuckles... that basically spells greatness. I mean, proposed that "in eight letters you can express the human condition better than may novels and most Hollywood movies..."

Yes.  Definitely better than a novel.

Of course I have to come up with what my awesome knuckle tattoo would be. You know, if I caught whatever disease Tyra Banks has and lost my damn mind.  I just love reading about this, and according to Squidoo Arts "Creativity and imagination are the key to great knuckle tattoos."  I think Fuck Youu is pretty funny but my knuckle tattoo would have to be more creative than that.  Right away I became deeply disappointed, as I'm sure many knuckle fans are, that My Mother Is Going To Be Pissed is way way too long.. and even Super Pissed for short... because I would so totally get that.  Soop Pssd?  Anyhow I used the virtual knuckle tattoo gun to see what some other possible candidates would look like.

Get your own knuckles at the knuckle tattoo gun.

It's a shame that Toopy & Binoo didn't fit, and I also seriously considered Gold Fish / Fish Lady, but that could mean Swedish fish.  And that would be stupid.  Sure I think tattoos are generally bad, but since I have one so technically I can't say that, so it's more like I like my tattoo and nobody else's.  If I got another one I'm sure I would also like that one and nobody else's too... although Sean's tribal piece is pretty neat.  It's a personal style so Knuckle tattoos are a little, uh, 'impulse item' for me.  If tattoos were sold in a store knuckle tats would definitely be right by the candy at the register, along with boob tattoos of flowers or something awesome

Top 5 Knucle tattoos I saw repeatedly:

Book Worm
Mans Ruin
Knit Pearl
Lady Luck

Lookin' good, everyone!
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