Saturday, November 8

shake yer head; it's empty

I'm up a little late this evening.. watching CNN and reading Chictopia.  I forget that some people actually pay attention to what they wear all the time and it reminds me of dressing up and swapping barbie doll clothes with your friends.  I can't help but find that fascinating. 

Then ultimately I realize it's all headbands and tights and I think well fuck that, then.

Anyway I was reminded of these huge glasses my mother used to wear in the 90s - or insist on wearing if only to emphasize that she needed glasses but that truly she hated glasses.  Apparently the style is making a geek chic comeback, whatever that means. 

It's really an interesting memory because in reality her glasses were weaker than anything you could pick up at the pharmacy, just above simple GLASS, and my Dad insisted on me knowing this but I didn't care.  I was about 8 and thought her glasses were the coolest things on earth, and that it was totally awesome that she hated wearing them.  Since she did not need them, or wear them, I got my hands on them a bunch.. trying it on in the mirror.. being super dramatic about it and soon I was insisting that I needed glasses too.  I'd sneak them out of the house in my backpack and take them to school with me and wear them in class, like oh you know, these are just my ULTRA COOL GLASSES I TOTALLY HAVE TO WEAR BUT HATE THEM!  I got tons of attention from it and I have no idea why or what possessed me to do that other than imitating my mother.  I felt like a total grown up or something less lame than being 8 which was totally not interesting.  When I had the glasses on at home my Dad let me know that I looked absolutely ridiculous and I think that hurt my little tiny feelings or something - but soon I realized they did look stupid!  Huge buggy glasses on a tiny kid face.. just who did I think I was anyway?  Not my mother, that's for sure!  Nobody could be her, she was an absolute grown up who insisted on owning a pair of glasses that she didn't need... or wear.. but had just to make a big deal about how she had them but hated wearing them.  What a big deal it was, she was/is, she even has a fake accent now you know?

It's a wonder I ever felt being dramatic was as necessary as breathing air.

If you don't make a big deal about you, who will make a big deal about you?  Well turns out I'm not crazy, my mother actually is, which probably dawned on me the times she and I would drive around town (back when she still had a license) listening to Wilson Phillips and she'd insist that her and I could both read other people's thoughts.  Oh and then I realized I actually don't like being a big deal and 8 year old wearing freaky bug glasses was lame .. so I had to make up a story about getting contacts to explain why I stopped wearing them to all my suddenly curious classmates.  After that I got a bunch of comments all the time, mostly from boys, about how I must have gotten coloured contacts and that's why my eyes were so blue with this darker blue outline to them.  Because they weren't real.   I thought that was funny since they are real and I have my Dads eyes, which meant later on in life I really did need glasses.. and I currently wear them every flippin' day.  When I first got them I really did hate them though.  I felt ultra ugly, and not a big deal, and not super cool at all.  Instead I chose to squint as much as I could which was less cool looking than probably just wearing my damn glasses.  Then I got a pair of nicer glasses the next year and I changed my mind since it felt like they belonged on my face... and I forgot totally about this silly story.  lol.  How fantastically weird.

Chictopia maybe makes me think of older kids who play dress up though, and how I don't want to play - as fun as it looks.


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