Monday, April 28

Is Internet Graffiti a Crime?


I recommend Facebook wall Graffiti tag as a fun way to get over any sort of traumatic event. If done correctly, you can be laughing about it now instead of thinking "I know this will be funny some day..." and then waiting for that day to get there! Of course I had to share this.



Andrea Drew:




I Drew Back:


LOL. You have no idea what that's about but trust me, based on their creative awesomeness I had no choice but to post these gems. I mean, I could have made those "Chola" eyebrows better but whatever.. still funny! I got into the mood to listen to music again which led me to finding a band called Spoon. "I Turn my Camera On" is a pretty good tune. I guess there's nothing else to say at the moment...


Saturday, April 26

Appropriately ridiculous


Search Winner: Google: does anyone can tell me why my head gets too hot sometimes

Judging from the wording of that question, I'm diagnosing you with a massive brain tumor. Not the kind that kills you though, it just makes you really stupid by overheating your brain when you try to think really hard. For example, don't try to figure out how much to tip your waitress on your own. I believe the technical medical term I just invented for it is a "stupa-tumor" and it can be treated by wearing ice-hats (not the be confused with ice-holes; a word my grandma invented via her Italian accent to insult me).


Andrea and I went out to get some dessert last night and I ended up telling her all about the events as of Tuesday. It took about an hour and was almost a relief to get to laugh about it with someone. She interrupted me about 10 times to declare "You know I can't even believe you seem completely fine right now!" and I replied very honestly "I'm telling you this story while drinking a fishbowl full of alcohol and eating hot brownies with ice cream... right now I'm FINE!" I also decided via fishbowl is the only way to properly drink alcohol from now on. So appropriate in it's ridiculousness... I'm telling you, I only had two, and that was quite enough.

Today I got some pills for my back until my next appointment so although I don't know how bad my injuries are, that is still awesome news as far as I'm concerned.

Thursday, April 24

I had a bad day.






I had no idea I could appreciate the people I love very much, even more. Now I do.

Sunday, April 20

How was your weekend, baby?

Search Winner: Google: why do men use the phrase baby when they talk to a women?

My Answer: Because if you respond to it once, they never have to learn your real name. Smart idea if you ask me!




It's been a terrific weekend, we had great weather so I got some sunburn practice. Spent a day at the farm, ate crazy-delicious buttermilk pancakes, got into some Rockband and beers.. even did a little kiddo shopping (my favourite).

Had some before weekend fun too when Brooke came over, bearing gifts and a bartender hat, and invented a new martini! I can't tell you the secret recipe but it was so damn good it needed to have the name "the EASYtini" .. too easy to drink, and we did.

I had a new revelation by the way, which is if I keep being Pizza Depot's #1 fan I'm not only going to keep this new 5lbs, but I'm single handedly helping the owner remodel his house. He just got these fancy-ass new doors on his half a million dollar digs and here I am promoting the hell out of it for nothing, not even a free pizza a month! How do I know this? Because he's my neighbor and as per my pictorial Flickr evidence, when you drive a car with a giant pizza on it everyone knows where you are at all times. He also just bought one of those KFC-style fans whose only job is just to blow food smells all over the neighborhood. I swear to god it wasn't there before. What's worse is they just started making these new deep-fried brownies too and it's taking all my willpower not to hire a sky writer to let everyone know about it!

Tuesday, April 15

It will just take a minute

I like to think of myself as a sort of street-justice vigilante from time to time. I don't know where I got the notion so deeply in my head that things have to be fair all the time, but it's definitely an idea that isn't going anywhere soon. Wherever there is injustice I feel the need to right any wrongs, no-matter how insignificant they may be! And street-justice on the internet, let's face it, it can't get more insignificant. Perfect example:

I am helping my buddy Andrea look for free furniture and stuff on craigslist out in Calgary since she wants to move there. Naturally I go back to my city to check out of someone has potted plants I like or whatever crap, because I dig window-shopping so much I'll even do it with things already in other people's houses. So I come across this ad... selling a Window Style Framed Mirror with Shutters for $125. Advertised as a unique piece that really needs to be seen! I agree it needs to be seen, in my livingroom, because I fucking have one; it's called the India Mirror and I bought it at JYSK for 79.99!!!!!






What a great idea, I should go buy some shit from Home Sense and sell it as Indiana Jones' personal items from his trip to the Sahara Desert. It comes with a stamp that says "Made in China" and ... a CURSE! When you look into the mirror, your exact reflection looks back at you!
Obviously I am going to write an ad to let people know where they can buy this really unique item for a lot less money... ya, I'm one of THOSE people. Not the person who has to constantly "speak up" at every possible occasion like in the grocery store, or if someone cuts me off or anything like that. It's more stuff like this that someone has to be out of their goddamn mind to try and get away with, uhh like selling shards of glass that cures aids, or picking on someone in a coma. That stuff honestly bothers me! I guess if I really wanted to make a difference I could always fashion myself a cape with a big IN for INJUSTICE and walk around town listening to other people's conversations. That might be cool for a while. The bummer would be my Hero catchphrase wouldn't be awesome like "Look out, Radioactive Man!" but more like..

"Wait, I hear someone is being stupid somewhere...
Hold my coffee, I'll be back in a minute"








Edit: just got an email thanking me for responding to the ad

"Thank you for that. I hate it when people are trying to take advantage, as obviously you do. We have to stand up for ourselves - so good for you!!"
Maggie

Saturday, April 12

Yep, It Be Broken


Search of the Week Winner: Google: tiny zoolander phone

Since typing that original post about Sean buying me my own zoolander phone, I have been waiting to use that picture and now the day is finally upon us. I am so happy right now.



The only thing currently bothering me is after trying to win a game of kick-me-harder with a stair, aka one kick, I am still dealing with that loss. And no, the stair does not care how awesome I am. I checked. So I did that Thursday and now I remember why I do not kick things; I'm rotten at it! My toe is sprained, I can't walk properly, and after three days it looks like this. Great opportunity to test out the macro setting on my camera though... sorry about the ugliness!

While we're talking about my toe, I'd like to throw a nonsensical argument out there. It's a running joke in this house that Super Under-Reaction Sean (aka Dr. Google) is world famous for initially looking at every injury/physical emergency situation as though you might as well have spilled milk on yourself. If he doesn't see a bunch of blood spurting out of you, or a car on top of you, you be FINE! Haha. Of course, everyone has their own way to go about things, but I just find that amusing. Naturally when I hurt myself all I had to say was how my toe is broken and he of course jumped at correcting me that my toe is merely "sprained"... I should walk it off. It IS sprained, not broken, no but that made me think of the context of injuring yourself. So here's the debate as I see it, based on my logic (and amicable disagreements) I say any injury you have that limits your function of the affected area can be declared BROKEN. As in the context of, it ain't workin' no more Doc.

Example: I smash a light-bulb, it's broken. The light-bulb burns out, it's still broken. Therefore I don't need to shatter my bones for me to have broken my toe, it still doesn't work correctly. Did I convince someone? Boy I hope so.

It's alright because sometimes the world always gives you something nice to balance that stuff out... namely, STARBUCKS IS NOW MAKING DONUTS?????!!!!! What the freak? A pic of that is also on my Flickr. I literally walked in there right after I murdered my toe to get some Vanilla Scones and saw them and, like some jealous lover, demanded to know "When did you get THESE?? Oh, since TUESDAY???? That's real nice and WHERE WAS I? Were you just never going to tell me about it?" but of course I was too happy to scold anyone for not calling me personally when they arrived. I just bought two and hobbled away in delight. Boy am I extra glad about my Starbucks birthday gift cards!

Unrelated totally... for anyone using mac (and reading my site, right) you will appreciate knowing about a program called Acquisition 2. It's really geared towards users making a small payment to use Pro but I cannot see how any sane person would complain about that.

Thursday, April 10

Summing things up is what I do best

Perhaps you are wondering why there are no pictures in yet of my 26th birthday, and it is because my insane new indestructible camera has far too many options on it + I clearly was drinking so that = pretty shitty pics! I have to fix most of the low light ones or else you can barely see anything. However, if you're interested, I'll give you a glimpse into exactly what it's like to be me with the use of only two photos taken on that weekend.





The sum of my entire life up to this point: Those who spell my name right, and those who spell it wrong on a delicious cheesecake.






Oh and venetian cannoli, just because! My life is also crush orange soda in a wine glass at my grandma's house. Yep.. all pieces of the puzzle, my friends.



I'd really love to speak to any jerk who spells Ann with an e, because somehow that is now the default way to spell it?! Whoever you are, thanks for making me someone who HATES repeating myself! No e! No e! Nooooo e! If you think Ann with an e makes perfect sense, here's a few words for you I just made up that make as much sense TO ME. Lambe. Sande. Flage. Strawbettry Jame.

I feel I should mention at this point, since it comes up, if you're someone who thinks this has been valuable info and I'd be really bothered if you spelled my name improperly on purpose; oh how hilarious it would be to really "get under my skin about it" .. well, you're out of luck. Look at those two pics again, think of how old I am, picture every occasion you have to give someone your name, times that by two since I need to repeat myself (and explain what a hyphen is to some people) and then you can fully appreciate that by now I have separated the universe into two parts: those why spell it right, and those who have been hit by lightening. You can't be upset at anyone for that! I mean, they're barely human beings anymore.



Oh and before I forget, I almost want to start a new blog called "Overheard at the Park" just based on this from yesterday.

Group of five 8-10yr old boys, one starts explaining a game to the others.
"ok so you're going to be your own colony, and we're going to be another colony"
"alright"
"we'll have to battle it out at this park for victory and survival!"
"uh..."
"ok so what's your colony going to be called? mine is colony Tenderness"

Monday, April 7

Room for food

It's official! I have victoriously drank my way to ONE bottle of wine left (and maybe a 10th of raspberry Stoli) in my fridge. The pressure is off, I can finally fit food in there again. Thank goodness, too, my skin is green and I've lost 80% mobility.

Not really.. gosh.

So I'm really writing to mention this huge freak of nature that's just occured.. and I feel like I need to warn someone. I have never in all my 26 years and 7 days, witnessed a phenomenon quite like 2 consecutive and randomly picked movie choices that have sucked so much I will call them serious contenders for the #1 and #2 spots for worst movies of all time.

Years ago me and a friend had watched what we both thought was the worst movie ever. I issued a challenge that we cannot argue ours was worse until we both watch the other's BAD MOVIE choice to really pick a winner. The result was, as you can guess, nobody won.. they were equally as bad and we voluntarily sat through it like idiots. I mean, I've seen my share of terrible movies ok, mostly they're so hilariously BAD I don't really mind! In fact, if I had a piece of coal in my hand throughout the many hours of watching absolute garbage.. that's right.. I'd have a 120 carat diamond. It's almost a certainty that if you end up watching a movie you would consider one of the WORST movies of ALL TIME... lightening would not strike you again the next day! Until Flogging Margaret and ..omg.. I've blocked it out.. what is it called? The Tripper.

Please, please, please do not rent these, view them for free.. or even pay attention for a few mins while waiting in line at Blockbuster. I know people exaggerate all the time but when I am literally on my death bed and people say (hopefully)

"Wow Ann-Marie you've had such a full life, you must have nothing at all you regret doing.. even for say, an hour and 10-20 mins."
I will say "Flogging... Margaret!" and then instantly die.

For dramatic purposes let's just assume I can will myself to do that. Let's also go ahead and say the person who is so upbeat whilst I'm in my deathbed is probably the sort of person that would relish any chance they can get to use the phrase "When we ASSUME, it makes an ASS out of U and ME"
Oh and the first two movies mentioned that you should never watch: Welcome to Doll House & The Mosquito <-- also voted most hilarious movie of all time, unintentionally of course.

Saturday, April 5

YES!





Does anyone remember RobotMan?

Description: Plush Dolls based off the cartoon. Robot man was yellow and red, with a red propeller on his head and red sunglass things. Robot Girl was pink and white with pink sunglasses and a pink propeller. They both had a heart on their tummy that you could open up to see what was inside, and when you pressed it, it would play the robot man theme song from the cartoon.
Thank you, inthe80s.com! I got some random thought in my head today about it and I just had to make sure I didn't imagine him. If it weren't for websites like that it would just be me googling "Love Bot" and "Robot with the Heart" "Plush 80s robot heart" ?? By the way Love Bot is real I found out and NOT to be played with by children!

Man, I really loved RobotMan and the robot girl too.. and again, just like Hot Potato, I was not allowed to play with it for more than 8 friggin seconds. Because of sharing, goddamn it. If I wasn't such a nice person I would have had so many Robot adventures! You know what life lesson I learned from sharing? It sucks. I don't recommend it. And you know, I had a LOT of toys being an only child so clearly we see where this is really coming from.. but anyway!



Ongoing List of Toys I Need to Buy
(and
Not Let Anyone Else Play With)

- Hot Potato Musical Game
- RobotMan
- Caboodles
- Keypers (anyone remember those?)
maybe the swan one..

I Bloody Heart Dexter


My dad told me to start watching the show, and upon finishing season 1 tonight I have to admit yeah I like Dexter. At first it was pretty weird and not at all an analogy to the Lost freak-out of 06' but one of those build-a-bear grow to love it shows or whatever. Is he creepy, is he cute? yes! And as many female and male stereotypy's there are dancing around in the show.. Dexter is who you're watching it for. He really doesn't disappoint you.

It's the one likeable character in literature (television-ature) that if I find myself relating too much to, I'd have to put some sort of therapist on my speed-dial. Great show, guys, start watching!


And while I'm on the whole subject of kinda strange... my dear friend Andrea, on a crazy trip to Calgary, had called me and discovered this morning a guy who owns a t-shirt that says "Fake titties taste weird" ... without saying too much about the details here I'd like to pose the question: when is it OK to stop owning shirts like that? I'd honestly LOVE to know.

Friday, April 4

Yeah that was my favourite part too

Whatever you do, don't let anyone tell you that working with kids isn't a lot of fun. Sure it might be one long patience test (even when you pass, it still counts as a fail) but then they do stuff like this... and suddenly life is spectacular again.

I let one of the girls go on my computer yesterday to play games on the TvoKids website. Great website by the way. She had me type in book and author for her, and insisted that was who wrote it. The last bit well, I told her to try and spell it herself just like it sounded. Yeah um I had to take a screen cap:



I think the author section went red since I believe he's a level 90 on the child predator screening list. I hope no one shows up here asking me questions about it. And just an FYI I walked out of the room to go laugh, I'm not a monster.. she's only 4, that's not bad!




So I realize I didn't do a search of the week last Friday and this week is pretty dry. I only got one hit from the phrase Taiwan Wh*re. <-- I rather not up my chances at some more. Nice right? Just one, damn!! And this week I got a few boring ones for my entire web address in google? Therefore I have no choice but to name this week's winner a single great line from a song I like.

SOTW Winner: "You've been waiting to break since you woke up this morning"


And for your listening pleasure.

Thursday, April 3

Make your own popcorn


I watched "p.s. I Love You" last night and you know, it was pretty good. At least 60 times better than I thought, and, if you ignore Hilary Swank's horse teeth it's really such an enjoyable story. I found myself near tears (but I managed to save them, for once!) and grinning like a jackass at all the right parts.

What's with Irish men that make us women go absolutely crazy?

Hey, I'm just saying!


Oh and does anyone else wonder where this week went, or is it just me? I planned on changing my goldfish's water and suddenly it's Thursday and Oscar is probably sucking his own fish crap because of me.

Tuesday, April 1

As good as 26 gets

I have to say, technically, I have probably never had a better birthday than 26. It included so many of my favourite things. Early on I dubbed it the birthday of no surprises, since I ordered my own cake, and wasn't just told what I was getting but I actually bought one of my presents since the store was closer to me. lol. But then why do I need to be surprised anyway, it's all the same at the end of the day!

An entire 3 days of birthday celebrating this year equalled out to:

Saturday bedroom. Saturday movie. Saturday PARTY.
- Bedroom is awesome, I am so happy with it. Sean and Rob worked so hard and I was just so excited to get to sleep in it that night. Even more excited than seeing a license plate that said "DZ Nuts"
- Movie was great, only I didn't think that by choosing to see Stop-Loss I would be such a Debbie Downer right before the party. Like wow, 2 hours of screaming, let's go drink! Right before I get married I should just make all my guests watch Shindlers List with 3D glasses and make sure everyone "keeps their eye on the girl in the red jacket.. you'll see her later!"
- Party was awesome.. I have so much alcohol in my fridge I'm not sure how I am going to get actual food in it for a while. That makes my party at least month-long.. so if some of my April posts don't make sense you'll know why ahead of time. We played totally 80s, Wes won somehow... damn sports questions! and I wandered around giving tours of my house with the Birthday Pimp Chalice. Great tradition, you can fit 2 cups of anything in there.
- Had a Boston Cream cake and Pizza Depot with my champagne. There is nothing wrong with any part of that sentence.

Sunday dinner.
- My grandma made all my favourite stuff. Lasagna homemade that I actually liked, Bacon wrapped quails, Roasted Thyme potatoes, broccoli and cheese, some crazy asparagus salad and yum cherry tomatoes. Plain cheesecake with strawberries birthday cake and home made venetian cannoli's. I ate it all, for once. So good.

Monday Rainy Birthday.
- Relaxed, drank wine and watched a movie at home while eating the rest of my cannoli's. Sean made dinner and did all the clean up around the house so that was really sweet. One of the mom's at work gave me a Starbucks gift card too, which was a really nice surprise, along with Rob's giant $50 card he gave me.. I have enough to keep me caffeinated with style for months! Hell I can even afford their coffee maker!
- Had a great conversation with one of the kids:
"My brain really wants me to say a bad word right now. Ha ha."
"Oh no, why would your brain do that?"
"I don't know!"
"I guess your brain wants to get you in trouble!"
*Looks up* "No brain, no! I don't want to get in trouble for saying a bad word!"



The rest of my gifts were just great, Sean and my Dad went in on a break-proof camera for me from Olympus. It actually tells you in the manual that the only way you can break it is if some dirt or sand gets in the lens and to fix it you must immerse it in water and turn the power on and off repeatedly. I cannot tell you how crazy this thing is but that's exactly the camera I need.. one where the commercial has a guy dropping it from the eiffel tower or something. Brooke got me a bouquet of strawberries and bananas in chocolate from Edible Arrangements. Man that was so good, the strawberries were the size of my fist! Andrea got me an awesome frame, lingerie gift card and Advil (which I totally used), baseball tickets from Wes, my favourite chocolates and lots of alcohol (mmm mojitos) from my cousins and some money from my grandparents to help ease the pain of being old I guess, and paying for things lol.

I did end up being surprised though in the long run with so many favourite things, birthday wishes and cards from all the most important people taking some time out for me. That was awesome so thanks everybody :) I cannot see how I would have had a better weekend.
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