Tuesday, December 29

Last stats of the year

1 week with new baby accomplished, 1 Christmas done, 1 shopping trip and 2..count them, 2, motherf*ing showers taken.  I say that last one with pride, in case your eyes made you read that with sarcasm.  It's not my words, it's your eyes ;)

Also not sarcastic, the fact my mom baked two desserts and brought them over... and they actually tasted really good!!  This is the woman who gives a 3 yr old a watergun for Christmas PRE-LOADED with water in it already.  That has nothing to do with her usually bad baking skills but I just wanted to note that epic fail of an idea.  Picture it. 

I'm not really in a reflective mood right now, just been enjoying every moment as it comes.. loving my little guy and his adorable peepers looking around at the world now.  It's a wonderful feeling going into the New Year and I hope everyone has a safe and happy one!

Thursday, December 17

All I want for Christmas

I like to think he wanted Rudolph based on how important he was to Santa, and therefore a bargaining chip for all outrageous future Christmas wants.






"I dunno, looks like the fog is rolling in, Santa, you don't have much time to meet my demands. Ignore me all you want.. but who's going to guide your sleigh NOW?"

Monday, December 14

Classified for a reason

I was looking at some winter cars on the online classified ads and saw one that said "buy private, save tax"... confused, I sent an email saying that either way the buyer will be paying tax on the value of the car.  I swear it was not rudely worded whatsoever, but more of a "if you didn't know" sort of thing.  I thought nothing of it until I got a hilarious email back telling me

"That's why it say's only pay 1 tax! Pst! No gst! Smart ass!"

I checked again to make sure I wasn't mistaken, or missed something, since that didn't seem like what I read and I don't just shoot off emails to people unless I thought about it for half a second (unlike this guy apparently!).  This is the ad, without the pictures of course.




Ok so, basically, I didn't miss anything and the ad could be understood as if you don't need to pay any tax.  I didn't see how bringing attention to something that could be misleading was wrong, I mean obviously you aren't paying full tax on something used.. that is just implied.  And he also called me a smartass!  So I write back.

"No you didn't say pay 1 tax, you said save on tax.  Your ad also said "no offers please!" so maybe you should re-write that, smartass."

Yes there was virtually no reason for me to write back and/or to call him a smartass for his stupid typo, but if I followed that reasoning all the time in life I would have so much less fun.  I was however not totally amused until he replied BACK to me.  I could not even be quasi-annoyed in the slightest despite the fact I got upgraded from smartass to, well.....  literally his email said.

"Fuck you cunt!  You are saving tax!"

I burst out laughing and then thanked him for making my day, because truly, I am just so lucky to have unusual encounters like that as much as I do and it makes me smile. 

Sunday, December 13

Question Answered

I accidentally must have put the idea out into the universe, pondering out loud as to what to buy my mother for Christmas this year.  Then this product appeared out of nowhere.







And I had my answer.  I am still not going to do it though... because I oppose when she does that regularly.  I'd be like buying Street Santa alcohol instead of a sandwich. 

When you know better, it's wrong.  Also.. really??  a lipstick, cell phone and pen???  You want to know what your nickname at work would be?  Lady lumps.  Or Tumor Chest.  Depends how gross the people are that you work with.

Saturday, December 12

Spotted XMAS Shopping

A lady wearing a pale pink pajama set, button up style, in line at Zellers buying a "Lunchables" .. that's right, just one.

Tuesday, December 8

Pop Cultural references are what I'm about




I've linked to lamebook.com before but I just found a great site that is just as funny but less disturbing.  Really, when did lamebook become mostly about STD spreading, break-ups, generally sharing way too much info and Peepl hoo rite lyk diiis? Kills me. 

Everyone, meet Oh Crap. My Parents Joined Facebook.  Because you know you've thought about it..

Thursday, December 3

To gross you out with, my dear

I tend to take random iPhone photos, a slice of life if you will, of just about anything. 



Like these cookies from Halloween we bought that were so good and soft they were basically cake.

I also felt the need to iPhoto the cover of my hospital package a few weeks ago, when I really couldn't help but wonder at what kind of failure at life put the words VAGINAL DELIVERY and a picture of a teddy bear together.





I dunno about you but that makes ME feel better.  I guess it beats out the slightly more honest information booklet title "This is going to suck so, here's a picture of kittens"

Have a great Friday everyone!!!

Wednesday, December 2

Top Five Getaways

Since it's coming up on Christmas and some people like to getaway for the holidays I thought I'd put up my picks of favourite places to get away to and relax.  If they only had snow!  Although theoretically number five could. 

Ok you hear that, family, we're going to number five.



1. Santorini. Greece.




2. Saint Paul de Vence. Provence. France.



3. Tigh Na Mara. Vancouver Island. Canada.




4. Maldives.


 

5.  Pottery Barn House.  My imagination.






Monday, November 30

Our money will eat your money



The rest of our money might be friendly and colourful but this is totally badass.. so suck on that, other countries currencies! This Canadian Tyrannosaurus Rex Silver Coin is apparently the third in a series of four dinosaur coins being released this year. I haven't come across any but if I had I would have a really hard time spending it! It might shockingly make collecting coins COOL.. for a limited time only.

Read: I will hoard these and make them stalk and eat other money.

Sunday, November 29

Birthdaying








It was a two birthday party day yesterday, or COMBO birthday if you like.  I had a fantastic time!  It was as equally hilarious to watch toddlers jump, leap and smash into a huge inflatable pirate ship (and hide in the treasure chest as Booty) as it was to eat some really great food and watch a bellydancer jump, twirl and shake her golden cane (and past-its-prime Booty). 




What, don't you remember reading about the ancient art of cane-ings in history class?  Well Alisia got CANED!  I'm telling you right now I don't think I've laughed so much.. it was almost painful!  We learned some great dance moves though.. and the falafel goodness has stopped haunting me finally. 

Friday, November 27

Difficult to Say

Just a little funny from Forwarded to Me.



THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Specificity
2. Anti-constitutionalistically
3. Passive-aggressive disorder
4. Transubstantiate

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Thanks, but I don’t want to have sex.
2. Nope, no more booze for me!
3. Sorry, but you’re not really my type.
4. Taco Bell? No thanks, I’m not hungry.
5. Good evening, officer. Isn’t it lovely out tonight?
6. Oh, I couldn’t! No one wants to hear me sing karaoke.
7. I’m not interested in fighting you.
8. Thank you, but I won’t make any attempt to dance, I have no coordination. I’d hate to look like a fool!
9. Where is the nearest bathroom? I refuse to pee in this parking lot or on the side of the road.
10. I must be going home now as I have to work in the morning.

Thursday, November 26

Little Family

So much of what is best in us is bound up in our love of family, that it remains the measure of our stability because it measures our sense of loyalty. All other pacts of love or fear derive from it and are modeled upon it.
-Haniel Long




I put up the wreath on the door this morning and thought about how anything else in my life just hasn't been as important. Not exactly the wreath itself exactly, although the glitter did make me very happy. There's a difference when you're part of traditions and when you start them - as is when part of a family and when you start one.

I also should mention I watched the latest episode of Criminal Minds and cried my eyes out FULL ON. I was a weeping mess for like 15 mins. I'm not a robot or anything but generally all you're gonna get is a couple of tears, especially from TV since I think I've documented my hatred for Home Makeover very well by now and crying about fictional characters is worse. I swear to god though if you saw it and didn't cry you are a monster! I'm just saying.. you're dead inside.. that's all.

Wednesday, November 25

"Jersey Shore"... I think I love you

MTV claims the show captures the "hottest, tannest, craziest Guidos" who "keep their hair high, their muscles juiced and their fists pumping all summer long!"






Finally some real entertainment! Hahaha.  I don't see why any Italian-Americans would be protesting this.. they already said they weren't Italian they're GUIDOS.  It's not even the same thing!  Lord I need to see more of this show, the preview alone is the most entertaining thing I've seen in weeks.

Tuesday, November 24

A Little Wild



We had a new playgroup yesterday which went pretty well until it was over.  Tears ensued.  Limbs were flailed about.  Demands to take Potato Heads home were made.  It all went pretty well considering that was only maybe 15 mins worth of "the wild things" :) 

And then I realized I had forgotten totally about my very LAST ultrasound and that hijacked pretty much the rest of the day.  I have, over these months, gotten to know a lot about random caregivers and workers.  Even friends and family members.. people like to share!  I think it's a great opportunity to find similarities with myself and people I meet.  I mean, I should probably at some point branch out from only knowing the same 5 friends from school (as great as they are) since they have stuff going on in their own lives OR move across the country and never ask how I'm doing.  Uh anyway.  It's a lot of pressure and I guess I'm now interested in new people because they're nice too, I guess!  So far I've met some cute moms or currently pregnant first time moms who swap "is this NORMAL?" stories, ladies who are excited they spell their name like I do (I told you it was a big deal) or have the same birthday as my due date, etc facts.  Yesterday that happened where the woman doing my test has her birthday on my due date so I asked.. how big of a celebration can you have 3 days before Christmas?  She said she was a Twin and apparently they both liked it since it made Christmas a really BIG deal.. but they would have their birthday party in November sometime.  I am not sure why I ask that question since my own mother was born a day before my due date (and only 35% of births happen on your actual date anyway) so it could be anytime, and not a big deal when we have parties.  I have a few cousins even born earlier in the week and it works out great.  I still like to ask though because the answer is always different.  Twins!  Makes the idea of a combo day extra ironic :)  I suppose you would like doing things in combos lol. 

See you can make a friend everyday! It's the holidays!  Be friendly.

Saturday, November 21

Smarter than what?




After a day of shopping we had an encounter on the way home with a 70 year old woman who not only talked a lot (this is how I know she was 70) and dressed weirdly, but surprised me by being the first elderly lady to attempt to be super hip at the same time. Here's some of the key phrases to pick up the hipness and general "of this generation"ness she had:

  • use of the word Cool
  • mentioned Mac computers as "the best"
  • was wearing coordinating pink and red all the way to her socks
  • HIGHLIGHT - in fact had pink sketcher sneakers on
  • and a red beret
  • went on about running a marathon (although she usually just does half-marathons) at least 3x
  • praised new parent family member for using cloth diapers and organic stuff
  • let everyone know she has a leopard AND zebra print purse - is into the animal prints
  • would only refer to Toronto as T.O. (tee oh) a number of times

Then out of nowhere she asks "Are Syrian's and Lebanese people close to one another?" (someone answers her) and I swear to God she just goes ......pause..... "They say they're smarter than JEWS!!"

Ladies and gentleman, I was truly tired and only mildly enjoying having to hear this lady chatter on, but in that moment I nearly lost my shit laughing that actual tears formed from the effort it took to stifle it. It was the longest 5 mins ever until I actually gained some composure and of course I couldn't EVEN look at Sean.

Dear god though, was that awesome.

Friday, November 20

Original programming




I was watching what seems to be a remake of a British show in the 60s called The Prisoner. The updated version is just 6 episodes so it's safe to say I'm already done the whole thing, and I thought it was pretty good! Not amazing but it was interesting and shockingly (as can be said for much of my existence) included so many Simpsons references that I recognized.


There are so many shows today that just lack imagination, it just doesn't give viewers enough credit. No wonder sci-fi stuff gets cult followings.. I mean who really LIKES Stargate SG1? Nobody. But it's sure a creative and different story than: Oh someone was found dead, let's discover who did it/what happened by: working the story backwards (Without a Trace, Flashpoint) going through a bunch of DNA, fibers and particles (CSI: ny, miami, las vegas..etc) scaring people into telling us (Law and Order SVU) or plain clever deduction (The Mentalist, one other show I can't think of right now). I say that full well liking The Mentalist. The rest of the shows? Pretty much just medical dramas. I have never been so uninterested in broken bodies, crime and dead people.. TV made it predictable!

This is why I will be extremely sad when Lost ends this season... at least I have Mad Men? and Fringe, sort of.. when I can stand the blonde chick and her hair.. and Flashforward has the potential to be really good. Can anyone make it so there's one show like this every night? All I ask for is 5.

Wednesday, November 18

Starting to look like Christmas


There might still be yellow leaves on the ground, and my decomposing pumpkin family feeding the neighborhood squirrels, but after the Toronto Santa Claus Parade I'm definitely feeling the Christmas spirit. The decorations and floats were GREAT but I suspect it had a lot to do with navigating the absolute mess of people that was on the streets that day. I mean, wow. And everyone had strollers just to make it better! Just reminded me of holiday mall shopping...

fa la la la la...

The weekends are counting down, and there's one more parade next weekend which I am very much looking forward to being normal.

If you're looking for early Christmas ideas my Dad sent me this link to the online catalog of Hammacher Schlemmer. Check it out!

Monday, November 16

Space.. now where babies come from.

I'm telling you again, the most horrible cake ideas ever come from babies being born.  More proof.





I cannot wait to get my own announcement Vader cake.  Except, yanno, it's a boy.  Complete with.. WTF.. planets?  I would almost be relieved to know the baby will be born on the death star and then an evil half robot man will just hand him to me, but I am pretty aware by now that is just not how it's done.

Damn.

Toronto Santa Claus Parade pics are coming!  Oh, the madness and Christmas magic!

Friday, November 13

The Solitary Meals

I made myself a pretty kick-a lunch today. Usually I reserve that kind of energy for my breakfasts which before this pregnancy I barely ate, like I think some people must.. dick around in the morning and then at 11am you double over in hunger and go "ohhh yaaaa". It couldn't have just been me! Now I eat it right away, and usually it's some kind of cereal with fresh fruits. If I may go on a tangent, so far I've tasted quite a lot and become a little bit of a fruit fiend. Shockingly strawberries aren't my number 1.. it's Mango! Nothing beats mango in cereal, though raspberries are a close second. Mixing them together is my new life goal. The worst? Unripened kiwi. I had a little suspicion it wasn't quite ripe this morning and it couldn't have tasted more like ass.



This is valuable information!



Anyhow so today I put some effort into my lunch. It's true that I neglect myself, generally, which actually had been a point of contention between Sean and myself until I think he realized I don't do it on purpose. Really! I'm just this self-neglectful. So it's really sad that I was pretty proud of myself for putting the time to try and re-create a tuna salad sandwich I had ordered on the weekend. And a tea! Though the tea was my accidentally boiling water and then deciding to let it go and make tea out of it, so that's only 50% credit I get for that. My sandwich I think maybe I needed a little more mayo.. and a food processor.. but overall it went really well! I even put lettuce on it!

If you're looking to add something new to your own tuna sandwich, you might not have thought of red peppers before but try them! I personally don't like the "salad sandwiches" mostly because of all the fucking celery.. I can't escape it! So the red pepper is a nice crunch to it without being celery :)

I wonder about people who make both lunch and breakfast (the solitary weekday meals) like this everyday.

Wednesday, November 11

Tasty Aunt Gladys

Remembrance Day "things school has lied to us about" from Paul's Ponderings.  I particularly like number ten.

10. Different parts of the tongue detect different tastes.

What, your elementary school health class lied to you? Turns out, taste buds on all parts of your tongue can detect all different tastes, though there are slightly increased sensitivities in different areas for some people. Want proof? Try dipping the dip of your tongue into some coffee grounds and see if you can taste the bitter. As my great uncle Ralph, who lost half his tongue in 'Nam, used to say, "Hrm rmrng rmhrm mrhng!", which translates to "I don't need the front half of my tongue to taste your aunt Gladys's sweet ass!"





Hope everyone is enjoying their very tasty day off!

Tuesday, November 10

Must be the warm weather

Today is one of those rare days.

I unexpectedly had nothing to do ... and then got a call from my cousins that also unexpectedly had the morning off and were coming over with tea. Win win. Now I get to see my husband actually home early for once, who also had a very different rare day. I also feel a little like if I don't cut off my hair this minute I will be sad forever.

A little melodramatic I realize.  But also..



It's not good when your houseplant just explodes leaves. It's literally as if it just GAVE UP.

"Fuck it, I'm done"

Saturday, November 7

Nienie

I had stumbled upon the Nie Nie Dialogues blog many months ago.  I am not a regular reader but I do find myself checking in every once in a while.  Short bio on the blog is her and her husband were in a plane crash, survived, and are dealing with the aftermath of their injuries and rehabilitation.  And 4 children.  And the life they have in the community they live in.

It's a hard blog for me to read, but fascinating... and inspiring.  And not at all like my life in the tiniest bit.

It is written from a religious angle which I just don't relate to personally; the inspirational part for someone like myself is her struggle with self-perception and coming to terms with her "new life" as "someone else".  I cannot imagine the difficulty if you not only were in pain but did not look like yourself or feel like yourself when others looked at you, and for Nie Nie she goes on to describe how hard it is getting out of bed knowing that.  Wishing she still was as beautiful as she was before, and having to redefine what that means to her.  You can go a large part of your life as one person and suddenly it could be taken away.. and I suppose victims of accidents and things like that are told constantly they should just be happy they're alive, they are still beautiful, there is so much love and sunshine in the world etc.  Something was lost, though, it was.  I do not find acceptance inspiring, especially from a religious standpoint, so that's why her blog is so great.  I am inspired to myself be even more genuine when we see loss, and just be there when people we love are going through it, and not need to be a reminder that there is sunshine in the world because the sun comes up everyday whether we remind people of it or not.

Wednesday, November 4

Zombie Plague

I'm officially pissed off at this flu because I just had our hospital call and tell me that the birth tours are CANCELED... indefinitely. She actually said we should just wait a few weeks at least and call back, however she's sure they probably won't allow anyone until "H1N1 is gone". Just, gone. They'd like it to get up and leave. While I'm happy they are being EXTRA careful and all that good preventative stuff, to my knowledge we are not dealing with the black plague. Canceling Halloween for kids and forbidding pregnant ladies from going to the hospital where they can ask questions and see how things work probably won't help that much for the FLU. I mean really why don't I just boil some water and do this thing at home then.

You know, I just hate situations where people like to think we're in the movie Outbreak. Stop looking for the monkey, don't line up for 4 hours PACKED with people when you aren't on the high risk list to get the vaccine, and let's all just stop watching the portion of the news that doesn't really inform us on anything but instead just showcases interviews of regular people's opinions of how it's scary and how unsafe everyone "feels". Celebrities are getting it for GODS SAKE! They're like, the best of our people!




I have literally seen pamphlets on how to avoid the flu and to properly wash your fucking hands? Cutting edge stuff.. I am so glad I have access to this kind of information during uncertain times! Someone correct me though if during the time I was just asleep last night H1N1 turned into the plague ok? That'd be really embarrassing!

Sunday, November 1

Things that look like TWO other things

I was watching a special on the Bee Gee's and their comeback when I couldn't help but lament on how much Barry Gibb looks like a caveman.  Like a lot. 




Upon a search for a good Barry Gibb caveman photo I ran across another blog which makes the same comparison, and apparently TMZ did too.  Let's be real here people, I never say all my ideas have to be original to be brilliant.  Here's a prime example of how you can do "looks like" totally wrong.



Old Barry Gibb and Burger King?  No fucking way.  Just no.  Wrong.


However!  Sean and I are watching the Yankee/Phillies game just now and he IMs me:



If there is anything I love more than something that looks like something else, it's when TWO things look like it.  And.. that's how it's done!


Friday, October 30

Canadians, hiding all the way up there.. suspiciously!






Thought somebody might get a smile out of that like I did.  What was even funnier though is someone from a health services website found this site from a search of "BLEEDING EYES".  Please everyone, if you have bleeding eyes don't google it, go to a real doctor who also.. doesn't google bleeding eyes. 

Thursday, October 29

Combo

I was having some insomnia the other night due to obvious reasons, uncomfortableness etc. and again last night. If you would like to know anything about me, at all, it's fundamental that you understand fully just how much I love sleep. Not like I rush to bed every night, giddy to sleep, but that I truly need it to go well to be a real person. And my "real person" isn't even on the ball as much as it could be!

I like to have some kind of plan set up for when the really rare event happens where sleep isn't happening like thinking about really boring stuff. After I had thought about probably every boring thing my mind could lobby over the fence, I gave fun things a whirl and tried to come up with some ideas for Sean's birthday coming up.

One problem is that he's just not a fun to buy gifts for kinda guy. In fact, I save all my good ideas for Christmas since the two are so closeby.. AS MUCH as he tries to combo gift me every year and have me just "forget" about Christmas. That means a lot of "hey I need this, or I've done a bunch of research on that thing, or this is really cool so we'll call it two gifts" and my part is saying "ok sure" at the cash register and then reassuring him it's REALLY ok to buy his present this way. This is a fine arrangement if he likes it that way, honestly, the point is he has a gift or toy to play with he likes ;) I just like having good ideas! My dad is the same way, he'll send me a list.. colour code it by importance and give me estimates on order/wait times for availability or if there's a sale. WAY TO SUCK THE FUN OUT, GUYS. I guess I managed to fall asleep at some point, probably around the conclusion which is that it's not that bad having someone who is easy to please.

There are better things in life than gift giving, though at 4am at night I sometimes forget that :)

Wednesday, October 28

A grape!






The rest of the pics is me just abnormally excited about hoodies that look like dinosaurs and snowsuits shaped like a tiny snowman.  Let's face it.. nobody wants to see that.  Me of course is what I mean, because the outfits are CUTE!

It's like the real version of things that look like other things.  How many things can you make a baby look like?  Dare I play my favourite game in real life?  Should I draw the line right now at types of food?

My goodness do I need the weather to ease up and find something else to think about during the day.  Like how hysterical we should all be that H1N1 has come TO KILL US ALL!

Tuesday, October 27

Not that kind of cake

Well, I am just getting over all the food I ate Sunday for the baby shower.  I can't even describe how much there was, it was simply monstrous and also really good so that helped make it disappear at the end.  If I get any pics back I'll put them on my flickr, especially of the diaper cake that Brooke made since it was so cute!  My cousin's daughter kept asking if we could cut the cake, I wanted to tell her that if babies wore real cake on their bums it would be a very different world! It was just not that kind of cake. 

So the nursery is full of furniture, little clothes and tiny diapers that smell nice, and a Bumbo!  No idea why I am so excited about the last one but I am.  It's a sickness! and I won't bore you with it. I had a great time though.




Now if my pumpkins will not disintegrate before Halloween gets here.. that would be great.

Thursday, October 22

Smells like 3 weeks after Halloween

It's "not Friday" and I wanted to remind everyone it's only 9 days until Halloween!  I may have done the pumpkin cutting a little prematurely but I believe that will just add some gruesome decomposition effects for the trick-or-treaters.  Yes, I claim to have the foresight to AGE my pumpkin display. 




Let me just say the fact that we have a holiday which promotes displaying rotting vegetables is kinda fun.

Also I have decided to stop using the terms Tuesday and Thursday and replace them with what they really are.. the "Day after Monday" and "Not Friday".   Ok, off to make some cream of broccoli soup for dinner.. this was a pretty busy not friday.

Tuesday, October 20

Raining Meatballs

Well I can officially say having year old wedding cake is terrible - only slightly reminiscent of actual cake - but of course we ate the whole piece anyways.  I forgot the top was vanilla!

We decided to go away when I was either not sick or not pregnant anymore.. and the not sick part will come much sooner so it was really fun to get to spend our Anniversary day making french toast and taking the best little boy out for his and our first 3D movie, Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs! 

The first year of marriage isn't paper like everyone thinks.. it's 3D glasses.  Now you know.



And yes the popcorn was as big as he was, including the drinks, and it was awesome.  Little bee has never even been to a theater movie before and he did a great job for about an hour.. and then told us he'd like to go home and go to bed.  Haha.  Also HOW COOL are 3D movies???  Sean and I decided we absolutely have to see a Christmas Carol 3D, it was so neat in the preview.. and snowing!

The rest of the night, sans kiddo (well, the one that walks and talks.. I still had one with me technically), we got some Starbucks at Indigo and went out to eat our fave dinners at our fave restaurant .. and I couldn't resist having too much goat cheese UGH so good though.  Then the two of us went to see Where the Wild Things Are!  If that one was in 3D I think it would have scared the shit out of me, so, glad it wasn't.

Friday, October 16

Anniversary Weekend





Will include frozen wedding cake :)  Yep it was my hubbs idea to keep it, what a sweetie.

Tuesday, October 13

Thanksgiving Fajitas

I just made thanksgiving fajitas and I may have accidentally made it so spicy it feels like I flossed with fire.  WOW.  If you want to know how someone can "accidentally" do that, I ran out of onions so I added something my family refers to as ammoglio sauce.  It's a traditional italian sauce with basically a shitload of garlic and tastes great on everything.  Pour it over garbage cans, you'd consider eating those garbage cans.

BAD idea on fajitas though.  I broke some kind of unspoken cultural non-mixture recipe rule. 

Monday, October 12

Thanks-for-giving me Swine Flu

I can't believe it's already time for Turkey and Pie!  I happen to know there will be roasted potatoes and whipped cream on the pie.. because that is what I am bringing.  Oh yes, it will happen.  Hope everyone had/is having a great Thanksgiving long weekend.  It's a mandatory rest day so fill up and sit down. 

Even though at the moment the Hubbs and I are under the weather crabs... I am thankful all the time for having much more sunshine in my life than rain :) 


Temporarily though, I am thankful for this picture.


Friday, October 9

Bringing unfunniness back to Fridays!

Literally only one person asked where the heck my terrible webcomic went to the past handful of Fridays, so clearly, DEMAND IS HIGH. As it happens though this past week I couldn't help but make a comic out of a conversation I had.







Some examples we heard were birthmarks of fish on someone's bum and my Aunt looking at a woman with blonde hair and touching her own hair, and now her son has a patch of light hair on him.

Prompting my witness to all this to ask..
"My mom has a Scotty Dog shaped birthmark, what does that mean?"

Then we both got called Doubting Thomas' for not TOTALLY BELIEVING THIS IS 100% TRUE. Haha. Oh I laughed so hard. And I love how God made a scripture in the Bible just for these times.. "yeah well Thomas didn't believe God was real, and he was, he touched him.. so.. don't doubt stuff just go with it!"

I think I'll take my chances.

Wednesday, October 7

Things that taste like other things: the killing you edition.

I had to take a glucose/diabetes test this morning and the stuff they give you to down (in 5 mins) tasted awfully like that McDonalds orange drink.  My throat was burning with dextrose saturation... ick!  It made me pause a little bit, not just because I was about to throw up, but that it was the second time something so wrong made me think of McDonalds.  The first time?  Rancid kitchen garbage in the bottom of the can.. kinda smelled like Big Mac sauce.  What did I eat today?  A Big Mac.  I never learn! 

I need hypnosis due to McDonalds invading my flavour DNA as a child.   Everything to eat there seems not even to be hamburgers and fries anymore.. but some kind of voodoo spell that makes AIDS taste like something you actually want. 

"Hey guy.. can I have one of those burgers?" 
- "Uh sorry dude we don't actually call them burgers.. I mean, legally we aren't allowed"  
"Alright well I'd still like one"  
- "Ok"  
"Now I can't help but notice just you just got that out of a box labeled AIDS patties"  
- "Well that's basically because we do something to AIDS to make it taste good, blah blah.. yanno I really shouldn't be telling you this"  
"That is terrifying but I still want one"
- "Are you sure?  You're crying"

"I'm sure...."

Monday, October 5

Favourite Portrait Assignment Monday

There was a Flickr group assignment on Pioneer Woman Photography section today, upload your favourite portrait! I do not regularly give in to submitting things but as I happen to enjoy her website, and the photography section .. and HAVE a favourite portrait.


Sweater, originally uploaded by anna potatoes.


I've come to learn that the word favourite is very subjective, so for example it does not mean best, it's just your favourite for some reason. This is mine, my hands down favourite.. completely straight from the camera, after a nice autumn walk. Everyone has to have one.. a portrait or picture. I say to you, hey, it's Monday.. share a little!

Hope everyone had a wonderfully chilly weekend! 3 cheers to turning on the heat, and of couse, SWEATERS!

Saturday, October 3

Open letter to sore winners

I personally enjoy some healthy competitive nature during friendly games. It's what makes them fun and the whole point of playing is that it's fun. At this point I'll just admit I am very competitive but I like to consider that a little spice in life called winning at shit. That means I will forgive just about anything so long as you have never thrown a game, and no I am not speaking about anyone in particular and no this has not happened to me recently. I'd simply like to air a grievance... and it just so happens to have it affects ladies almost exclusively as a group.




Dear Gentleman Jackasses,

The times I have encountered someone who has "allowed me to win" at whatever we're playing, I do not call them nice things. Some men seem to think that is a gentlemanly thing to do, boosting a fragile and easily excited female ego and I have no idea who told them that but it's not. It's actually a totally d-bag asshole thing to do, especially to then announce the fact. It is not healthy, competitive nor friendly.. because MY friends don't usually patronize me about things. You have basically just cheated the person out of playing a fair game AND THEN of enjoying the win. Kudos to you! That is so awesome. Do you just wake up that awesome or do you have to belittle a certain number of people a day to be that awesome?

So to anyone who practices this... just stop. I'm sorry if you thought this was polite or something completely different however it's not 1950 and I can handle losing, you jackass. Perhaps it's my fault for looking 5 years old to you. It's just a fucking game and the point is to fucking play. If you don't want to play, then have a drink and shut up and let other people have fun because there is such a thing as a sore winner. That is all I have to say about it.

Sincerely,
A better player than you.








*D-bag is douchebag in this situation, in case you were unfamiliar.

Friday, October 2

Mmm pie chart

Ever wonder how long does Bill Murray spend in groundhog day? Someone did, and let me tell you it's a monument to sticktoitiveness. They even made a pie chart! the most delicious of charts. Huzzah!

There are a number of things potentially flawed about it but I thought you might all enjoy reading it in lieu of yet another Friday without a horribly unfunny comic to show you. Trust me I have some coming up!

Thursday, October 1

One need not be a chamber

Today was a tough day.

We've had quite a lot of tests done in the past 3 weeks or so and ultimately, everything is A-OK which I haven't stopped breathing multiple sighs of relief all day. I suppose you could say I hold my breath in situations like that since it gives me no relief to speculate on how 'it's going to be fine' or 'it's not going to be ok' until someone tells me it's actually fine or actually not ok. Before I left though I got an email from some friends of ours' that their little one month old boy was also sent to the same hospital as I was that day, although with bad news, and we had just seen them that Sunday for their other son's 3rd birthday. I had never been to a children's intensive care unit before and I have to say it was probably the worst feeling I've ever had in my heart to be standing there. Not to be self-involved as I was and am still very concerned that they were holding up alright but I guess I just had this strong vision of babies and hospitals completely ingrained in my mind with balloons and smiling grandparents.. it was an absolute shock for me to see nobody smiling. Including myself.




One need not be a chamber to be haunted,
One need not be a house;
The brain has corridors surpassing

Material place.


{emily dickinson}

Tuesday, September 29

Golden Ticket

Sean was talking to me about how we should go to Dubai and fly Emirates (please, someone clear up for me the correct pronunciation) because they have these crazy luxurious pod airplane seats even in business class. I asked if he simply wanted us to go to Dubai for the airplane ride or actually seeing the area. He assured me of course not just for the plane ride, the area has a lot of things to see too like an indoor ski hill for some reason. My opinion of Dubai thus far is like visiting Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory, and that's not just because I assume their airline tickets are actually golden.

I stumbledupon a site just this morning, as if it knew we just talked about this, for the website of the luxurious Dubai destination plane on Etihad Airways. I lifted a few of the cool pictures and here's my interpretation of what they are telling me my experience will be like flying with them.





You will be a guest on our nightly airplane talk show.


There is no need to look directly at the hostess bringing the blood diamonds for your English Muffin.




You will sleep so comfortably it's as if we've imprisoned you in sweet dreams.


Lastly.. their promo page in Arab Maxim with the caption:

Luxury. Decadence. Shitting in the sky.


Monday, September 28

Expert Advice

For Mother's Day this year my mother got me a vintage 1965 book.

Mother's Encyclopedia: Expert Advice on Child Care and Family

Illustrated and published by Parents Institute.

Yes apparently in the 60s there was a whole institute of parents, they had figured everything out regarding parenting and decided to put it all that cutting edge knowledge in a handbook. How awesome is that? I had quite a good time reading it! And the pictures were great.




My favourite part was I think the list of questions your child could ask you, and their appropriate answers. I should go find it and give you some examples here.. like answering what is the moon made out of and what happens when hover cars take over the streets. I just picture little Sally asking mom if nuclear war was going to happen and her saying "hold on, let me go get the encyclopedia".

In fact, as a mom, I'd like to go ahead and use that as my future go-to. Except I wouldn't go get the book but just hold the newspaper up and go back to reading it. Or if a really confusing situation happened like why won't the dog wake up, I'd put the fire on, grab some hot chocolate and go to the book to see if they wanted me to answer a different question instead.

Speaking of diversion has anyone noticed that the Palm Pre commercial looks a lot like a Monistat ad... but with a way creepier girl?

Uh are we selling phones here.. or..

Wednesday, September 23

Surprise! I hate Candy

Last night I was reading a funny website called No One Will Ever Believe You: Bill Murray will deny all these stories. It's totally hilarious short stories website where it's all about Bill Murray and every story ends in him telling the person no one will believe their story.  Too funny.. I love stuff like that.

This next paragraph is going somewhere. 

I live in a world where all you need to do to convince someone to eat something good is to call it candy, like today when I made some Strawberries with a little sugar sprinkled on them.  Boom.. Strawberry Candy!  Want to take some vitamins?  Oh I mean... special treats?  Anything candy is great.  So I was thinking back to that site when I saw a candy commercial and realized there's actually quite a lot of candy I don't like and anytime I tell someone this fact it's as if Bill Murray comes out and says "no one will ever believe you" because no one does.  Who hates candy? you must be lying or crazy.  I'm into lists so... here is a list of candy/sweets/treats that 90% of the world likes but I don't, and no one ever believes me.

  1. Maltesers 
  2. Marshmallows... cooked or raw
  3. That includes Peeps or those Chocolate covered Marshmallow Cookie things
  4. Most Fudge including Fudge filled fudgecicles
  5. Butter Tarts
  6. Chocolate covered cherries and most chocolate from a Whitmans Sampler type thing.
  7. Apple Pie
  8. Candy Rockets
  9. Good and Pleanty
  10. Wafer cookies 
I'm leaving out of course the regular candy that nobody likes, like black licorice and candy corn.  Some things I will tolerate if I have to.. candy apples and s'mores. 

Yeah life is rough.

Monday, September 21

As good as it gets 5 highlight posts

I decided since nothing is going on right now for me to blog about other than finding a pair of sunglasses I finally love in every way, at the end of the summer; I put together a top five list of highlights on this blog in honor of this being the FMB blog of the day yesterday!

Yay :)

Nobody voted on this top five, I just particularly like the posts and I think it's a good representation of the content of the site (since 2006 at least on the Blogger format) for anyone not fortunate enough to be a regular reader.


  1. My New Mom Eats the Sun
  2. I'm Bringing 90s Back
  3. Santa and Jesus - basically as real as eachother
  4. Straight Narration is Always "too much information"
  5. Is it Just Me? & Crazy Number 33

Number 5 are not really highlights but simply asserting the prevalence on this site of me comparing things to other things, and love of taking pictures when I see a weird people on the street. Happy reading!

Thursday, September 17

Why I love children

Inspired by Walter Mischel’s 1960s experiments on delayed gratification, Steve V conducts an experiment of his own.

“Two hidden cameras. A bunch of kids. One marshmallow each.” 



Oh, The Temptation from Steve V on Vimeo.



I especially like how the kids really try so hard to eat the marshmallow somehow through all of their other senses.  Maybe I can eat it through my EYES! haha.

Tuesday, September 15

What would Julie Chen Wear?

If you have been watching Big Brother 11 then you know what I am going to say... I have no idea how there isn't a blog completely dedicated to the terrible maternity outfits Julie Chen has been sporting this year. I pretty much only tune in for that and it never disappoints me.

I will include the couple times I did tweet about it and hopefully you recall what the outfit was.

  • kudos to Julie Chen for trying to rock the maternity bright orange chiffon jacket
  • guide to Julie Chen pregnancy 101: bigger bump, bigger earrings. she's up to golf balls now.


Ex.


This dress was explosively huge at the bottom for some reason, because pregnant ladies need to look bigger... always. Never big enough!

Tonight's finale outfit is simply fantastic, living past all my hopes and dreams.

My tweet:
  • Julie Chen has given up and is now just wearing a slicker from her tour of the Maid of the Mist.

Answers that are also acceptable to tonight's question "what the hell is Julie wearing?" are 1. a snuggie and 2. an alien suit.


Wow I really want to get myself one of these!
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