Thursday, February 5

A-Maze without cheese at the end

Susan Powter... reminds me of a very specific and familiar kind of crazy. Prime example, I think I literally took care of Susan Powter's 3yr old for 7 months. Seven loooong months.

Just think about that, and all the insane things you would imagine she'd say or request from you. Like cooking a single burrito in an oven for an hour because microwaves were forbidden, and individually peeling the 2mm of skin on already sliced cucumbers because her husband forgot to buy the organic ones. It scares me almost as much as Susan Powter is scared of being filmed in natural lighting.

I'm also pretty concerned at the number of people who have completely lost it upstairs who write disjointed haiku blogs. It should be right up there on the test for anyone whose mental sanity is in question.

1. Do you see or hear people that nobody else does?
1(a) do they fight with you?
2. Have you ever had a squirrel tell you where something is in the park?
3. Do you need to cut yourself to let feelings out?
4. If you had a blog, would you write it in normal sentences or haiku?
4(a) do you have a blog now that only exists on the other sides of napkins or somewhere on your body?
5. Have you recently developed an accent for seemingly no reason?
5(a) is it English, French, German or OTHER?
5(b) this wasn't really a test, we're just distracting you while 'they' go through your 'stuff'.

So far all I have are Susan Powter, Courtney Love and Rosie O'Donnell on that haiku list but who else even needs to be on there. I imagine them all going out to lunch together and ordering 3 crazy salads with a side of glitter and glue, making sock puppets and continuing the whole lunch talking to each other through them. At this point in life I've fully submitted to the idea that people are so nuts you cannot hilariously out-crazy them; any scenario where I even attempted that would end swarmed by cops after smashing unopened liquor bottles over my head and diving off the Empire State Building.

I do draw some lines when I'm trying to make a point.


Amber said...

here's a thought: stay home with your kid. or, if that isn't feasible, send them to a "hippy-esque" day care or something. not that i'm bashing the hippies, because i kind of am one, but wow.

"everyone in the world must bend to my will, AHHHHHHH! microwaves are forbidden, AHHHHHHH!" = crazy. "hey, if it's not a big production, would you mind avoiding putting his/her food in the microwave when you can b/c we don't like them." = not crazy.

get it right, crazy people! you're giving the rest of us semi-freaks a bad name. oye.

ann.marie said...

No her job as 'doctor' was too important to care for her child herself.. even though she got fired 2 months in and was erratic with bringing in her kid after that. Which ultimately was the reason I asked her to stop coming.

She was too cheap to pay for special hippie daycare.

Control freaks are my favourite because they have no reasoning skills whatsoever.. I mean really, demanding shit from someone who deals with children's behavior all day? Flipping the f out if the tv was on for 5 mins... wonder what response you'll get? I guess her mother just didn't love her enough to say no when she was little lol.

Brooke said...

Ahh the squriells. haha they provide so much information!

How I do miss the accents and squirell loot! SIGH!

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