Thursday, April 30

Let's be mateys

If anyone has seen the movie "I Love You, Man" the main character played by Paul Rudd gives an uncanny impression of me anytime I'm leaving a message on answering machines.   I could not stop laughing.

"I need some f-ing friends"

Also in the totally useless information category I discovered PIRATE FACEBOOK last night and was endlessly entertained by it.  It's just disgusting how funny I thought it was and kept it on.  If you want to experience it yourself grab a bottle of rum and scroll to the bottom of your Facebook page and where it says English US on the left click it and select the English Pirate mode.  Don't worry, its only a 'settin' and not an 'arrplication' hahaha.  And no I haven't been drinking any rum.


I also love cork soakers.

That reminds me, I renewed my health card yesterday and the guy I had was absolutely humorless.  Not that I was trying to intentionally make him laugh but I had a few 'huh?' moments where my brain apparently was out to lunch and I tried using the digital signature box with a real pen, which I then attempted to clean for some reason and also stood in someone's way while they were getting their picture taken.  I mean "I" laughed but this guy was as serious as if he had just had ball removal surgery that morning.  You work for the government for goodness sake, just take the laughs where they come!

I'm really not a bumbling idiot, really!  lol. 

Saturday, April 25

wake up you sleepy head, wake up get out of bed

This week a new 14 month old girl started at the daycare I do.  There couldn't be a better baby so that was very awesome as far as nice surprises come.  Also Rob took me out for a birthday dinner, I promptly got him lost (it wouldn't be a car-ride with me without that) and had a great time.  I think Chicken Picatta is my new favourite thing!  I had the rest for lunch the next day and it sounds disgusting but goat cheese and sundried tomatoes is even better the second time.

We have been waiting all week and finally got a warm wonderful 'flowers are coming out' sunny summer Saturday!  It was pretty much a rare perfect day.  Some breakfast then off to the mall for their carnival, took some photos, bought seeds for our garden, sat under the shade in the grass and coveted the patio 'outdoor livingroom' furniture.  Came home to get some late lunch of Field Potato Leek soup and get off our feet, inspected my strapless dress tanline, opened all the windows in the house and fell asleep as the thunderstorm rolled in.  When I woke up it smelled a little like pine wood on the way upstairs to our bedroom/loft area due to the rain.  Neat, I have pine stairs.

I suppose I'm just updating on how much I enjoy beginnings of things.  Sunny things, breeezy curtain things, jam on pancakes things, thunderstorm and rain on the roof things.   They're nice.  It's rare to get a bunch of all those nice things together all at once.

Tuesday, April 21

Low on sugar

B:     May I have more cookies?
Me:  No.

B:     COME ON!! THE BREAK!!!!!!  


 


I think that was supposed to be "Come on, give me a break!" HAHA.  And it started so sweetly too!  I sure hope laughing at children doesn't harm their self-esteem because COME ON!! THE BREAK!!! has to be the best thing I've ever heard.  I am totally using it next time someone doesn't do what I say.

Garbage Pail Kids

I have no idea if toy marketing is even directed at children anymore, or just their impressionable spots in their tiny brains. I have witnessed THE THOMAS THE TANK ENGINE PHENOMENON.. with more cast of characters than Cats; ELMO and his constant professing of his undying love for your children "mhm".. and recently I witnessed a 3yr old boy totally convinced he needs a "Little Mommy" doll, but only for the 30 seconds the commercial is on.

Let me save you some intense Christmas Shopping in 09' .. are you asking yourself how do you top the Wii and all it's $40 games I bought which my kid made me trade in to get new ones but the guy only gave me $12 for 20? I'll show you, as simple as can be if you shut off the TV.


Things people think kids love to play with:





Crazy Forts.. 5 mins of fun


$900 Pink Retro Kitchen your kids don't "get"

Your own park minus all the friends




"S'mores" the cyber pony .. offering you robotic pony friendship without the poop





$150 Newport "Perfect Summer" Beach Doll House
(without the dolls and furniture)


Crazy Modern Doll House Furniture that is better than your actual furniture





Things kids actually love to play with:

Coin Rolls you get free at the bank

Piece of Memory Foam that came with my birthday package from Andrea



Just a diaper box... google image search it!








It's been a few rainy days now and despite the abundance of toys, the kids chose to play with literally those last three items for hours, so, if you want to be a hit this season just pick up some garbage and scatter it around the Christmas tree. From what I have learned the past few years make sure to include: oven mitts, swimming goggles, dish gloves, old hats, paint, glitter stickers and drum sticks.

You'll be shouting from the rooftops:

MERRY CHRISTMAS THIS ALL COST FIVE DOLLARS AND DIDN'T INCLUDE ME FLIPPING OUT WHEN I WALK DOWNSTAIRS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AND SEE S'MORES STARING AT ME WITH HIS DEAD ROBO EYES.

Friday, April 17

Dropping a "CS"

Alright so nobody would confuse this for a sports blog by any means but last night my friend Wes sent me a funny youtube vid which he posted up on his channel.  If you're a hockey fan you will appreciate it even more than a blooper.  Apparently afterwards the video went VIRAL and Sean came home telling me he was laughing since some co-workers were playing it after being linked to the top page of canoe.ca.  His channel is now #6 in Canada viewed today.  I'm not sure how he was the only one to catch that slip up but how funny is that?! 

Roger Millions says cock sucker on Hockey Central!


Wednesday, April 15

Let's get graphic for a minute

I used mashed potato as a spread on my turkey sandwich today. Easter leftover week really needs to end (or we need to eat it faster) before I do something else ridiculous, like gravy pie or fried stuffing balls.

Hmm stuffing balls.

Oh and *graphic description ahead* watching Dr. 90210 has given me a whole host of new nightmares. Last night I was introduced to the idea of a gay woman taking massive hormones to grow and then "freeing" a lady's clit for gender re-assignment surgery, then putting testicle implants in. If I had been standing, I may have fainted.

I would literally beg someone to put an open spinal tap in my back forever than do that to me, and I don't even care if I was "living a lie" as they say. It was explained even that it wouldn't really allow you to have regular sex, so, I now have a cringing fear of knives for what I can barely see as any reason at all. As far as living in the wrong body, I'm cool, I am fine with the idea you need to take your boobs out, grow man hair, but when it gets to the down below you strap something on! For the love of all that is good in this world there is no reason to ahhhh I can't even say it! They didn't (couldn't) even show the actual surgery and my imagination started yelling "yeah so you know that one time when you were 9 someone gave you the idea of what it would possibly be like sliding down a razor banister? well this just replaced it, enjoy."

I swear I only still watch this show because I'm waiting for Dr. Rey to realize he is super gay. And I mean SUPER. I mean really any guy who treats his hair, talks with a jovial Latin accent, wears more flower shirts than your grandmother, tans the shit out of himself and actually refers to women's breasts as "melons" has to look at himself in the mirror sometime! It will happen one day!

Seriously.. melons? who says that?

Sunday, April 12

Happy Jesus Died / Chocolate Rabbit & Egg day


It's been an busy weekend so far - it's not really over, tomorrow my parents are coming over and doing turkey dinner here. Friday we had a great dinner at my Grandparents house on my Dad's side, then yesterday Sean's Mom came over for some Russell Williams. This morning, the BIG EVENT, though was very chilly but fun. Sweet children shoving their way to find as much 'chocolate' as possible (it was really just chalk), and lots of games, balloon animals, hot dogs and fire trucks etc. Little Ethan ..or as he likes to refer to himself as JUST ETHAN, pretty much stalked the Easter Bunny in-a-suit guy the entire time like a huge celebrity.. Omg guys, it's him!

What I really want to talk about though is that while we were at the Egg Hunt there was a pretty ridiculous "Great Glasses" marketing campaign going on. I understand the rest of the kiddie things, like Discovery Toy set up or the Sharkey hair cutting place giving away coupons but a giant CROCODILE was walking around with a sign on for $149 frames and people were paid to basically throw eye glass cleaner at you. As an eye glass wearer I can see why I'd notice this but 1. what does this have to do with kids? and 2. Great Glasses is going under and everyone knows it's because they don't have licensed people doing your eye exams. and 3. seriously this thing was for children, on easter, and a crocodile in-a-suit was what they went with.

I find marketing to be unintentionally funny basically all the time, and here's some prime examples just off TV from last night. A pair of sunglasses that go right over your own glasses because DEAR GOD! sun comes from the side too! so you should wear these things that look as if you've just had eye surgery or are blind.



Get this though, not only are they cool looking but they claim to give you HD VISION and everything will just POP right out at you.. because real life isn't HIGH DEFINITION enough. I mean, I constantly complain my sunsets are sub-par. I expect more definition.

Next, a commercial for a crystal cross with the Lords Prayer in the center stone, real tiny like, so I have to look at it all 'special' to read it. Do you know how many eye injuries have been caused by reading the Lords Prayer on the bus? Like 52.



It also claims that when you look at it it "almost miraculously appears" .. because micro-etching is a miracle. What a breakthrough.


Stem-cell research though, that would be wrong. I only like science if it makes the lords prayer super tiny or you can put the Bible on USB key or something.

And since I have the floor.. a quick comparison of what pisses me off about re-branding. Re-branding obviously only works if there was something that wasn't working about your original brand anymore. Here's what I mean.

Brand that needs to be re-branded: Dr. Oetker.

Nobody wants to buy lava cake mix or ready-made pizza from a company that sounds like someone who gave out poison injections during the Holocaust. Just saying!.. re-brand that.


Brand needlessly re-branded: Cottonelle -> Cashmere. Dominon Grocery -> Metro.

Cottonelle apparently didn't think it was a soft enough name for my ass. I need softer. I need... cashmere. As a consumer I want to associate ruining expensive sweaters when I buy my toilet paper. Cottonelle, their little jingle and their kittens were not good enough brand recognition.

Domnion also wanted to trade in their VERY recognizable brand loyalty for something that sounds like they don't even sell food there. Is it an underground railway or fashionable mens store? Groceries is on the bottom of 5000 of the things the name Metro would lead me to believe was sold in the store.

Ok I'm done, thanks everyone for listening to my presentation. Have a great chocolate marketing day.

Wednesday, April 8

The "collector"

So that's what happens to them.  Notice how surprised I am that the guy is located by Eastgate Mall.  15 yaer collection, all pages working good!  lolz?

16 + 11 candles.. blinding heat

My official birthday cake this year was a fire hazard.  27 candles, literally... my mom must have been hoping some firemen would come over.


Saturday night we got to finally check out the London Tap house which opened up last year.  I heard some fun things about their restaurant pub rooftop patio slash dance party?  It was interesting!  We showed up about 3 weeks shy of actual nice patio weather so unlike the drunk ladies wearing shirts for dresses, we stayed inside.  Always something to look forward to later in the summer though.  Anyway it was good, I was honored with a lot of very conflicting drinks which it is forbidden to refuse (I tried!) and somehow kept it all down and still had a great time.  How evil is tequila, by the way? lol.



In the bagggg.  With great hair though.

Sunday was so nice, as opposed to the WTFsnowstorm yesterday, that we thankfully spent the whole day outdoors.  I bought finger paint supplies and Sean fought the cycle store crowd to buy a tube for his tire and handle bar wraps.  Note: I just love the smell of Michaels, it's so soothing and calm.. and, I saw a Hello Kitty bicycle for an adult and I sort of want it/would be totally embarrassed riding it.  Very conflicted on that. 

Anyway I just can't even believe that only a few days ago we were sitting on the deck tuning up the bike and washing down chalkboards.. I even got out the patio chairs from the basement, only to now have them covered in melting snow.  Am I complaining enough about this?  I can't tell. 

Wednesday, April 1

Birthday Blossoms


Birthday Blossoms, originally uploaded by anna potatoes.

Having fun yesterday taking pictures (before the broken lens incident) in my backyard with my Mom.


I'll let you see the Desktop size.. which I'm currently using!

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