Wednesday, December 29

You saw him in the video room so that means he wants you on the team.

Clearly I haven't died, I'm not writing from the beyond... in fact, I don't even know where I put my Ghostwriter notebook.  In retrospect that is probably the reason why I only solved like one case.




What actually happened to the website was a drunken bear crashed into it causing huge technical difficulties and my Dad asked if I'd like him to resolve it and I told him to take his time.  I thought it was a really good idea to maybe take an indefinite break.  Also I tend to share too much about the holidays and I didn't see how the world would miss one less story of my grandmother making me 'table flipping' angry due to some comment I can't even remember, which I silently pass through a part of my brain that by now is likely a huge tumor.

The holidays have been pretty exciting; a first ever Christmas School Play, a 6am Star Wars Christmas morning, the first year we spent in Port Dover with my family and taking a huge schoolbus of us and the kiddoos to see the Simcoe lights.








I also got to see Andrea for the first and last time in 2010.  If you're not in the know she is one of my best friends ever.  I made some Blackbottom Cupcakes for the occasion, cappuccinos, egg nog and cinnamon (I am apparently an unofficial Starbucks location for 2011) and we hung out pretty much as if I saw her last week.  It was a lot of fun for me.

You know what? I had such a great Christmas that if you do in fact think I robbed you of at least one more story about my grandmother for the year I'll give you a late present.  It's a good one.

When I lived with my grandparents naturally they would buy all my clothes, taking into account it was the 90s there was still a certain point where I wondered if she just hated me by what she chose (I, of course, could never pick out anything appropriate for myself).  There is a picture in existence of a 12 year old me attending my cousins wedding in an ivory pants-suit and button down pink silk shirt.  She though it looked 'smart'.  Doesn't the knowledge of that just make you smile?  I wake up in a cold sweat every once in a while dreaming was accepting an award on behalf of Michael Jackson.


Yet I still did this to my kids.  I hope one day they forgive me because it's flippin' adorable.


Monday, December 20

Firsts




Happy 1st birthday to my Little.  From a tiny warm basket of laundry and sunshine to my sweet bouncy chewy little monster.  It's been a great year.
xoxo


Your proud Mama

Sunday, November 14

Things that don't make sense

1.  I love this shirt.  Love it.  I wish I could wear it for my birthday.


Heartbreaker Top, in Peacock by Of Two Minds

2.  but it's $324.


Those two things just don't make any sense to me.  I like a shirt that costs what?  Does it know that it's not even a sweater!?  Or a leather bag?  I feel like I should at some point understand women's clothing.  Is this going to be on the test?

Monday, November 8

Rescue from the Coffee Lagoon

I have never read mommyblogs, satirically written or otherwise, but I have to say if I DID read them then I'd definitely put Bedtimes are for Suckers on my list. I liked most of the posts but this one was pretty funny for me personally since our table is a freaking mess most of the time (what isn't.. actually). In fact, since I have Monday's for just me and my little Gabey, the table presently has a shrine to Ethan's trains.. just as he left them this morning to go to school. God help me if he were ever in an accident and I went insane and decided we were going to preserve his things exactly as they were until he returned home. We'd literally have to leave the house as it would be functionally unliveable.

The funnier part of the post was my being unaware that I really dropped the ball on the "LOL look what a mess my kid made" photo! And oh, I do have one, of sorts. I'll show you in a minute. First, it is the simple fact that my blog is not about being a mommy; that's way too specific.. my blog would only dream of being so focused on something! It's so high on goofballs there is no way to ever know what it's about.. and believe me, I've been asked!

That being said I assume someone familiar with my overall personality would believe I'd totally find all of that stuff precious and super funny.. but that just isn't the case folks. I'm extremely dull when it comes to fun via disastrous messes. I do not know why since I would love to have a parent like that.. but no, I don't seem to ever reach for my camera. If I am making a motion like I am looking for something at all it's probably patience. Anyone see my extra set of patience? I was sure I had it in the kitchen last. Like the time Ethan was 2 and he found the Peneten diaper cream, and painted himself and our dark hardwood floors with it. I sat there after cleaning him, with a knife and other various small tools for 25 mins trying to get that white waterproof goop out of the tiny cracks it filled in between the floor boards. I did not think of getting my camera once; how odd. But yes I do have one "LOL look what a mess my kid made" photo.. it exists! Ethan decided he was going to make it snow indoors.





In the process he antique'd himself with baby powder and the best part is this was all about 30 mins before my grandparents were coming over. I didn't intend him to be wearing a UFC shirt by the way, but it was pretty appropriate for this picture. It looks like he knocked down a wall to get that water bottle.


I admit I did find one thing he used to do pretty funny.. constantly rescuing Diego from the coffee lagoon.

Oooooo nooooo!


Then I remember the time I found him on my suede chair, somehow finding and then biting a pen in half... blue ink everywhere... I did not know whether to be afraid or somewhat impressed with that one. If only everything could be the coffee lagoon, I could start a website called stuffinmycoffee.com

Friday, November 5

Frightening Search of the Week

It's been an extremely long time since I've highlighted a search of the week but I had to seriously pause at someone finding my site by googling "having babies in the shower"

Since this website has nothing to do with that I feel it's my duty as a human being to answer the query ..non-judgementally *ahem* the shower is not the place to be having babies. I don't care if you heard it was the new cool way of having babies from trendy moms on the internet; if you'd like to have a baby in the shower I'll advise you there's no need to be a hero.. go to a hospital. They have showers there too if you're insistant upon having a baby there. Or in case you were looking for stories of ladies accidentally having babies in the shower.. don't worry, it'd be easy to step out and call yourself a cab if that were to happen.

If that search had nothing to do with that and was about an actual 'baby shower' somehow, you need to take a course on how to Google for the future. You aren't doing it right.

Wednesday, November 3

Chapter 5: Sonofa..

On the cover of Time Magazine...?



If my life was in actual, real chapters, because I thought I was famous enough for more than 10 people to read about my whole life and decided I needed to get super rich... I'd call this next one "Fucking Bitch Who Stole My Leather Jacket". Just kidding.. I have no idea what I'd call it probably other than you're not going to believe this bullshit. I was reminded of said chapter of bullshit, consisting of about a year or so of my life, by some innocuous thing like buying a certain kind of pasta side dish at the store. Yeah, really, pasta.

It's not as if I ever actually forgot about it but I may as well have being as disconnected with it as I am. When I was 13, a situation conspired where my family basically sheltered a 15 year old runaway girl until she turned 16 and therefore somehow not wanted by the police. She ended up staying longer than she was welcome. We'll call her Tiffany for the purposes of my story. My name is still Ann-Marie by the way.. in case you thought this was some kind of skit I was doing.

Anyhow, the specifics don't matter unless you'd just like me to give you a good hour of reading about why I should have never escaped therapy, but while I essentially lived with this person she had decided we were going to be best friends. 24/7. That wouldn't have been terrible if she wasn't a complete freak who, unlike a real best friend or sister, tried to make things like showering with me to save time or dating a family member of mine seem like "totally normal" shit .. which nobody else seemed to be present enough to notice WAS NOT NORMAL SHIT. You know, like that episode of Twilight Zone where everyone is a pig face and is horrified to look at a normal face. Well Tiffany, the giant gap toothed 'pig face' who did end up stealing my leather jacket when she left, liked to make this one Butter and Herb side dish from a package for dinner basically every day and I accidentally made it for dinner a couple nights ago. I couldn't eat very much. I am 28 and I am not ready to eat that pasta. I may never be ready to eat that pasta. It's shitty pasta anyway so I don't even want to buy it, it was on sale, so she can go fuck herself.

Did I just scare you all? Anyone? Bueller? It was only a summary chapter, everyone, if I actually wrote the whole thing.. I would have surely swore about 800 more times, at nobody. Ahh, I know the perfect way to end this post the way it deserves. Cunt.. balls..

Sunday, October 31

Happy Hallowe'en!

I have had fun getting to the point where my now 4 year old "decides" what he'd like to be for Halloween, based on his likes.  I won't ruin the surprise but this year it has something to do with the 3 weekends full of all day SpikeTV reruns of a certain trilogy of movies.  It might rhyme with Bar Floors.  His Dad could not have been happier.

It made me think of my favourite costume decision when I was young: "business man" which was, in fact, just me dressing up as my Dad.  I so wish I had the picture from that year.. I think I was 10 or 11.  I literally wore one of his suit jackets (he's not the biggest guy in the world) and a red tie, gelled my hair all the way back and carried a briefcase with a HUGE cell phone in it.  I think I was going for his "Prudencial Insurance" days.  Oh and my mom went crazy with the eyeliner and penciled in black eyebrows, a mustache AND beard.  Picture that going to school.  I am constantly thankful that growing up, my own opinion was the only one that mattered to me.  It's a gift I can only appreciate now, knowing how the world is, and one that I would love to be able to give to all my kids if I could. Dressing up as my Dad was the coolest :)

I hope everyone has a safe, fun and costume-terrific evening!

Thursday, October 28

Playing with Cars





Heard of the RIP Walkman playlist?  Sad, I guess, if you like to give human qualities to things like electronics.. and who doesn't?? in which case IT'S DEAD AND NEVER COMING BACK.  Or you could say on the bright side I had fun making a 90s playlist on 8 tracks.  

I have always loved how some music you love is a little like time travel.  

Monday, October 25

Sunshine

I thought the world could use a little more sunshine today, so I'm sharing mine :)










Saturday, October 23

8 Tracks

Sweet site for listening to uninterrupted mixes of 8 mysterious songs. I got lost in it for a while.. it's kinda like the radio since you can't pick what comes up.  Also, if you feel like it you make your own mix but can't listen to it.. or more than 30 seconds of the song (to make sure it's the right one, I guess) mysterious right? You also can't skip ahead songs more than 2 times an hour.  I made one and labeled it the radio in your car.. which are a bunch of songs on the radio when I drive around, and I thought it was awesome. You'll be surprised at least once, I promise.

Enjoy 8 Tracks!


Tuesday, October 19

Seasonal: better things




You want me to kill what?  I don't see it.




Had a great anniversary day on Sunday, a rare whole day alone :) Beginning a new week is so unbelievably crappy though. The bright spot, as I choose to see it, is the last handful of months have conspired to make my hubbs and I realize getting time to spend together hanging out, not completely tired, isn't just a nice to have. Writing it out like that it almost confuses me as to why that happens to people at all, but anytime I want to be doing something fun, I always wish it was with him. Maybe we'll get lucky soon.





"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."
— Marilyn Monroe

Saturday, October 16

Are you f*#!@ grumpy?





I spent until 1:30am last night Skype chatting with Andrea so if this video is somehow not as funny as I think it is, it's because I'm seriously tired.  We're off the the apple orchard again today though so

Thursday, October 14

Grandmothers, doing whats best for you if it kills you since 1982



This cookie jar from thrift store hell is living in my kitchen.






I received it from my grandmother who knows I don't own ANY things like this, I also don't have an abundance of cookies that need to be contained so therefore I've come to the conclusion she must be fucking with me at this point.  Not much else explains this cookie jar.

I have spent many years of my life crushing her spirit with sentences like "listen, this fur coat is great and everything.. it's just not my style."  Meaning we aren't in prohibition times.  Then, she cries.  However, I only expect this crazy crap during the holidays.  And it's because of my sporadically crushing her spirit that she only comes over with maybe 2 or 3 things.  If you don't have any idea of what that is like, you lucky bastards, then just picture waking up Christmas morning to an insane woman spraying fake snow on the outside of your windows and you'd be fairly close.  Not for me of course but for the children.  Christmas needs to take a dump in my house and forget to flush, like an asshole, or else everyone will be sad.  Unless ultra decorations your thing though.. then that is just wonderful.  I wouldn't come over and start taking shit down because I thought it was nuts so if you find my house 'depressing' because it's not flammable you're also more than welcome to just leave.  Also it's probably you that is depressed.

Obviously that is what I'd LIKE to say but you know it usually comes out as "Ok, that's.. a thing.  Uhhh ya I guess I could use it.  Sure."  Hey you try being the reason your grandmother cries at Christmas.  JUST TRY IT.  You don't have what it takes!!



If anyone would like to revisit the unfunny short 8 part webcomic series last year, you'll see why my frustration is as unending as it is historically amusing!  So here's the whole thing for old times. 

  • puke chicken salad #1 
  • lesbien #2 
  • facts #3 
  • watermelon #4 
  • on a boat, good times #5&6 
  • calling 911 #7 
  • doubting thomas #8

Friday, October 8

Kicking off Turkey Weekend

Well, I had a really fun Friday.. I am incredibly tired but since when is typing considered "work" right?  I have a large tumbler full of Coke, everyone!  I can blog my Friday.

Man, I sound like such a white lady.  Who says blog my Friday?

So yes, this morning I took the kids to an apple picking orchard and hay filled, corn maze play-land called Froot To Go.  We played, mazed, hayed, and frooted with friends.  I really wanted to pick up one of their apple pies from the bakery for Thanksgiving dinner this weekend.. but then I remembered I don't like apple pie.  Buying one would only encourage people to keep offering me some even though I've had 28 years to try and like some, but don't.  Yes, even with vanilla ice cream.  Butter tarts too.  No I don't understand why they're related.  You see the dilemma.

Actually I was carting 3 kids to the car, two were asleep and one covered in hay.. so that's my real reason for not buying what was likely a fantastic pie for everyone but me.

My grandfather left on Wednesday for his annual week-long hunting trip up North.. so far North it takes two days to get there.  Sometimes even I forget how big Canada is when we just call everything upwards "north"..  and I live here.  Anyhow the orchard would likely be the end of the fun but I thought since it was such fabulous day out that visiting my grandmother was a good idea.  We had lunch, and it wasn't bad at all.. she was pretty happy to see us.  After that I was honestly tired BUT I headed over to my cousins house instead of pack it in for the day, again.  We got to hang out which is a serious work-week treat for me and Botson Cream donuts were involved.  You kind of have to know all the people involved in my day to understand how fun it was but you don't really need to understand to agree that being tired from fun is the best kind.  Totally awesome way to start the long weekend which involves pie I do like (pumpkin) and massive amounts of turkey.. and people to eat it with of course :)



Happy Turkey weekend to my fellow Canadians!

Thursday, October 7

Crazy Thursday

via: Happiness is..



"Remembrance of things past is not necessarily the remembrance of things as they were."
— Marcel Proust

Wednesday, October 6

Oh, ... you're hungry


I'd love to get a Roomba if I weren't completely sure the kids would try and ride it. And I mean 100% sure. Ethan would also try and feed it until it eventually drowned in juice. I'll admit I'm slightly curious if Gabriel held on really tight, if he could Swiffer the floor behind it. Anyhow, it's too bad because the house certainly needs one.. or two.. ouu they could battle! I cleaned everything top to bottom on Sunday and have had to tidy it again 3 more times since, although not as much.

It's Wednesday.

That's normal but when I clean for 3 hours I expect dirt to know it's banished and should stay out of my sight for at least 24 hours. That's just polite right there. This subject came up when I was at my friend Kim's house and she mentioned she cleaned before we came but even the smallest crumbs under the couch would gross one of her friends out. I assured her that she wasn't talking to one of those people because I am pretty sure once we had children we didn't lose all functionality in the real world and were re-purposed as very pretty crumb catchers. This isn't 1950 so I still think it's funny that there only seem to be two kinds of people in this world.. those who care deeply how clean their house is at all times, and those who clean their house so other people won't talk about them. The first category populates maybe a generous 5% of the earth which basically means everyone else is doing so just in case their friends are "Show House" people and they don't want them to be uncomfortable coming over to a regular house that has DISHES in the sink or anything. Because more than one person lives there. I didn't mention a third category of people who don't care at all and hopes everyone knows it but they so rarely get guests I didn't think they counted. The film crew of Hoarders aren't guests, either... nice try though.

Friday, October 1

The city is pretty gritty for an itty bitty pretty girl

I feel like I should get into watching It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia because I've heard some really good things about it. If anyone out there is a fan and wants to push me over the edge, feel free, I'm having some commitment issues. You see, I am SO loyal I end up watching anything if I'm halfway invested and it's even remotely entertaining.

See: Grey's, Private Practice, Gossip Girl, Vampire Diaries etc.


My loyalty is non discriminate, and kind of a 15 year old girl. It's also not very modest. I love giving my qualities a persona by the way... it's just one of those types of Fridays? I get silly, go on about TV and quote a new episode of The Simpsons that hey, wasn't bad this time, honestly! randomly in my post title. I'll confess it likely has something to do with Andrea calling me up last night and deciding she will ONLY watch an episode of Jersey Shore if I'm there, and therefore we should get on Skype and watch one like we used to watch The Simpsons over the phone in grade school. Literally we'd just get home, get on the phone when it came on and only talk to eachother on commercial breaks. I hope it's plain to see why I'm so devastated that she's gone and NEVER coming back, and that now Brooke is also leaving.. I make so much less sense without them, and trust me, I can't afford it! lol. Imagine if every one of the people in life that make me make more sense lived in my neighbourhood, we could have annual chili and cupcakes cookoffs, hold ice sculpture team competitions with themes like "beer" or "brands of detergent" and we'd clear the street to watch B movies projected on someones house. If that sounds like a good time to you then, well, thank you for existing even if we don't know eachother.



I hope everyone has a great weekend, as always :)

Wednesday, September 29

Bay Stuff

An ad I just saw online:










It might sound extremely uppity of me but I could never buy something from someone who is of legal drinking age but can't spell cage. Or confuses whole for hole. Not that I was tempted in any way when I saw this ad, I actually wanted to know what bay stuff was, but if I was I'm just saying who'd ever be sure they were mentally aware of what a transaction was. A great reason to also never give this person a live animal. For all you know she'd eat him. I sincerely hope all the "bay stuff" she has to trade with are things she found because the mere idea she actually has a child makes me want to cry my freaking eyes out.

Yes, everyone, I'm aware that I've just confessed that in my eyes the mass murder of the English language and it being very questionable if a person could parent a turkey are basically equal. If I can argue though that it is because they usually go hand in hand. Like cosmetic surgery and the smell of desperation. It's the Joni to it's Chachi, the Balki to it's Cousin Larry, the Cadge to it's Cocketil.

Seriously, cadge... my heart hurts.

Monday, September 27

Colour Theory

via: barbara oliveria



I was washing the floor in the kitchen the other day, and seeing as we have a door to the backyard from it it naturally gets dirty pretty fast and I also like to make sure whatever potato bug etc that have died there are given a proper burial in my garbage. For some reason I was thinking about how when things die they quickly lose their colour, as I'm sweeping up this white little dusty bug. It made me think about how although Spring is associated with living, budding, blossoming and green, the theory that things are most alive when they are their most colourful made a good case for the start of (my favourite season) of Autumn. I've always thought it was the brief time when was the world seemed most awake.

All you have to do is look at the changing leaves, and how unbelievably red and orange and yellow they will get.. something I'm looking forward to. You can't argue that Summer or Spring is quite the same, although very colourful. Not even if it were under a sparkly blanket of fresh snow on a Winter night, or amongst chipper birds singing on a rosey fragrant Summer morning; it's colours are not the same. I like to think of it as the short moment in that year when things are at their best and most vibrant; where that little bite of chilly air that makes you put your hands in your jacket pockets is the whole world telling you to pay attention because things are happening. And it wants you to remember to be happening, too. And love being and seeing and doing all of it.




With a cute sweater, of course. The whole world definitely wants you to remember to wear one. I mean, Winners has a whole section called Chunky Knits... you can't ignore this.

Monday, September 20

Since my likes include ragging on Andrea all the time

Do you have any idea how hard it is for me not to comment on a picture of my friend Andrea holding famous crabs?  DO YOU?




I really don't think you do.

It was not hers but her boyfriend's album of their recent trip to California though, and I already commented 3 times.  If not for that fact, that thing would be RIDDLED with crab jokes. 

Only 3 more months until I can tell her she shouldn't show people her crabs at the table.  Or that I've never seen someone with crabs that large look so happy.  Ugh, I can't even decide!

Saturday, September 18

Friday, September 17

GO BLUE HAIR!

I was recently shopping for a birthday present for my cousins son's party this weekend. He is going to be 5 so you would think I'd have a lock on what to get him exactly but every kid has different interests, so I was pretty indecisive. If he liked trains I'd know exactly what to do, but he's REALLY into cars and Nintendo. I know he likes stuff from the movie Cars so I got him something with Cars on it he can take to school, and a sweater for next year (pretty sure he doesn't read my site so the secret is safe, for now) but I was torn between a mechanic car kit and the most hilarious game I have ever seen.

RACING GRANNIES!






"The Racing Grannies Racers Track Racing Granny Game contains everything you need to hold your own octogenarian speed competitions. You get a 26" oval racetrack with over 70" of track, two speed controllers, and two racing Grandmothers in motorized wheelchairs -- one red and one blue. (you'll need 4 AA batteries, too) There are also guardrails for the curves so the Grannies won't go tumbling to their death when you take the turn to quickly."


You have no idea how hard it was not to buy this!! The fact that they look blind makes it all that much better BUT I ultimately went with the mechanic set. I wasn't entirely sure a 5 year old boy would get how cool it really was. I think I'll be going back for it though because when I told my cousins about it they flipped out and suddenly I felt dumb since I hadn't thought to get it for our girls only weekend.. as a note, there may be drinking involved in the rules.

Man I love toys.

Thursday, September 16

The universe happened on accident and is riddled with spiders







I swear in a previous life I was killed by a spider bite.  Even the book Charlotte's Web did nothing for garnering my sympathy.  I'd kill Charlotte, her babies, her grandma, and her sick aunt Gwen if she had them.  You know, if I wasn't too afraid to do it or anything.  This particular spider I remember from 2 days back hanging out by my garage and I ran away from it.  That's the terrifying thing about spiders, they sit there for an impossibly long time so you can gather the courage to confront them.. then all of a sudden WHERE DID IT GO???   Nature's magic little fuckers.  My answer for why I don't believe God exists doesn't even need to go beyond the fact no omnipotent being would ever create so many species of these things.   Any argument you have.. answer: then why are there 38,000 species of spiders?  Is it so I can appreciate butterflies?  Who wouldn't appreciate butterflies anyway!  I suppose the web outside my window is at least a little bit pretty.  Until bees and other insects get trapped in it and the unholy thing devours them like your own private Discovery channel.

Tuesday, September 14

In case you ever wondered, this site is merely the longest autobiography ever

One of my favourite things in the world is when my son Ethan* randomly announces that it is such a beautiful day outside.  I'm not sure why but it never fails to make my day when he notices it's quite lovely out.  I don't really remember being that age and noticing at all how it looked like outside, only what I was doing.

I remember a day from that time where my mom, step-dad and I lived in an apartment complex downtown.  The same apartment complex that had a corner store inside that I started eating candy from which my mom couldn't pay for.. which I think is called "stealing".  The same apartment my mom, step-dad, and I watched an eclipse from in the parking lot with blankets.  I had a best friend who lived in the next apartment that went to school with me that first year and her name was Diana and she was incredibly pale and had black short hair with straight bangs.  Now that I think about it, she looked like a china doll.  Our moms decided to get us together between the buildings and it was just the darkest chilly September day but we spent it bottle cap hunting in the dirt.  It was really damp, cold dirt.  We found tonnes as you can imagine ..the area we lived in lots of people drank outside, we just had to give up after (probably) a few hours.  That is one thing I will never claim to recall even to this day.. how much time something took.  


My point is it's really nice to remember days being nice just for no reason at all, and if Ethan's memory is anything like mine he'll just have a bunch of nice thoughts of beautiful weather.  Like when it smells like Summer is coming.  I usually have to have something specific happen.  My other point is that I really do remember the names and likeness of every best friend I've ever had.  Other than family members my memory backward ends with a best friend in pre-school named Jenny.. we mainly got in trouble for talking and I got called saucy.  Saucy!  I mean it's true but how was I supposed to know what that meant?  I even had a best friend in grade one named Valine until she moved away, and then I'm not sure I had any one particular best friend for a long time.  I have also never since met anyone else on earth named Valine.. which I think is an element on the periodic table.  Fun fact: Wes' cute mother was the lunch monitor in grade school.  Years and years later, she offered me a blowjob shot at a backyard party and I was scarred inside.  Growing up is so fun when parents embrace it, isn't it?  I hope to be as cool, you know, without embarrassing anyone.




*see excited pics below

Monday, September 13

Ethan's first day of school



Darth Vader tee, check.  Bakugan backpack, check.  Batman lunchbox, check check.


OMG OK LET'S GO!

Sunday, September 12

Silent Sunday



“There are things that we never want to let go of, people we never want to leave behind. But keep in mind that letting go isn’t the end of the world, it’s the beginning of a new life.”

via: goodmorning & goodnight



Thursday, September 9

Sparkle Bath

The thread I am hanging onto my girl club membership includes 1. sweater love 2. baking cupcakes and 3. walking into stores like Sephora or Lush with my OMG IT'S SPARKLE BATH CAKES face.

That's it, that's really all.




via: whenitcomestoyou


Also, why does the best bath and shower stuff always look or smell especially edible? You know someone has tasted more than a few of these.


I know I could use at least one fancy bath this weekend.  My week has consisted of new children starting daycare, being September and all, and one in particular is a little out of hand.  Think Supernanny territory and you'll be warm - without going into specifics.  I like what I do but there aren't enough sparkle baths in the world for me to keep that situation up another week, and I love sparkles!

Tuesday, September 7

Labor Day weekend

Last BBQ of the summer was great.. despite the drizzle! and lasted well into the evening. It's always a fun time when you get to see a bunch of friends and also consume your weight in hamburgers and beer. I didn't have either of those but it sure did look good! Looking forward to Oktoberfest to hang out with some of them again as I have actually never been to one.

Yeah, really.

I could tell you about running into my friend Roxanne, completely by chance.. and the random kid who puked on the sidewalk in front of us while we were chatting. One of those moments where you feel it would be a scene in a movie about two peoples extremely different days colliding with each other. Or I could simply inform you what weekend NOT to get a haircut (aka this weekend, I don't know why!) ..but if I really filled this whole website with detailed accounts of every single thing that ever happens to me then I might die of boredom while writing it. This isn't Jersey Shore.. and if I'm not having fun, YOUR not having fun. Don't mistake that as concern for you, my reader, but more like a threat of some kind. I will say though, I still refer to Roxanne as my friend Roxanne even though I haven't seen her since university. It was certainly one of the highlights of the weekend.

That and welcoming September with roasted corn, pumpkin pie, end of the season tomatoes and homemade marble rye. Hey, summerbugs, always look to the future!




Pictured here from the Stag and Doe,
my reason for needing a haircut on the worst weekend for haircutting ever.

Saturday, September 4

Unfortunate Header

...anyone proofread these things?



Bright side: so far all I'm feeling is some cool September breezes for our backyard "end of the summer" BBQ today.  It just happens to be my favourite weather so, if just for the weekend, THANKS!

Thursday, September 2

Things that have made my week so nice


listen





Artwork by Moony Khoa Le. 
I love this one so much.


messagewithabottle.tumblr



I used to have a client as a Homeopathic "doctor" so you have no idea how much I enjoyed this..




If you're surprised I haven't mentioned peanut allergies a bunch before it's because there's nothing to say other than.. wow that sucks, and no it's not even funny because it's an uncool allergy.  BUT since I am a parent of a child who has a peanut allergy and have rushed him to the hospital projectile vomiting with body rashes, and cleaned up the horrible mess of some idiot giving him half a 'regular' granola bar.. anyone who finds that to be a bother while making school lunches this year can just zip it.  ZIP.  IT.  Yes, life with fake-PB has been so bleak I don't even bother trying them anymore or I'll start to cry.. but I have finally found a fantastic high quality equivalent! and not in a vegetarian "I guess this is pretty ok = awesome" meat alternative.  It's actually awesome! and good for you.  I've only found it at Walmart so start there if you're looking for something like this.  Try the crunchy though (it's red).  I know there aren't ANY allergens in it, even gluten so I have no idea what makes it crunchy but it better not be seagull bones or something.


Tuesday, August 31

Girl Club Confession

Buh?




Ten reasons why my membership to the girl club could be taken away.

  1. I never buy shoes except to occasionally replace the four staples I have
  2. Those are: one running shoe, one comfy sandal, one casual ballet flat, one small black heel for "fancy" shit. I own others.. somewhere..
  3. Fact: my son owns more shoes than me, and I bought them
  4. My purse selection is fair but I fill them with crayons and diapers
  5. I never wear more than 2 pieces of jewelry at any time
  6. The amount of time I need to dry and do my hair is usually superseded by my need to catch up on True Blood and drink a coffee
  7. I own one lipstick and I don't wear it - just gloss
  8. I so rarely even buy make-up, but what I've collected so far is all I seem to need
  9. Unfortunately I keep all of that make-up in a plastic bag my bed sheets came in
  10. OR when I'm on the go, just a literal plastic bag that I think a pair of travel socks came in that doesn't even close

I'd keep going but you get the idea... and the list is making me suddenly really wonder if I even ever had a membership to begin with. It could just be a library card. I also so rarely even use my wallet I wouldn't even know!

SO.. was I ever glad when my super girly friend Kim saw my sad little sheet bag when we were doing slutty make-overs and gifted me my very own little clinique make-up bag, full of all new cute stuff too! Now I may pass for a real girl, huzzah!

Monday, August 30

Cut Copy Monday


I occasionally like to search my email and get rid of anything useless I've signed up for that's attached to it. So this is a photo dump of some extremely random pictures that I added to a website about travelling.  If I was trying to make some point about irrelevant spots in the world.. mission accomplished.

I really, really could have found better ones.  

















These are probably the least interesting travel pictures in existence so I decided the only way they'd be more interesting is if you had to guess where they were taken.  There are no extra clues.  I might include an answer key next time!

Sunday, August 29

Vampire baby


New and improved, extra bitey

Sure, new teeth look harmless enough but they have turned a usually joyful and sweet baby into a super crusty bum. I let him chomp my finger for a few minutes thinking it would make him happy and realized, holy crap.. where did my nail polish go? That's how furious he is at the arrival of these things. All babies are, hence they are the worst things to ever happen other than maybe the rest of growing up, owning their attitude, and telling their mothers they want a new mom because they would be nice. You see, this mom is apparently a little bit nice but mostly mean.

No.... that didn't happen to me at all. Nope.

So, while I'm in the rare mood to share, I'll tell you that the other night I questioned how long this teeth issue was going to go on because I was toying with the answer being forever, and suddenly I saw the cause was two more teeth poking out at me. Tiny terrible vampire teeth.. actually. In this face!





Unlike so many frustrations in life I actually do find myself with a direct comparison to this situation. And it makes me realize it's really not so bad. His name is Ethan and these are a couple of pictures of him when he was at the same teething stage Gabriel is now. It's possible it may not happen again, so enjoy the cute.










Chewing off my nail polish is a theme, I guess

Oh no, I'm fake-sad!

Absurdly adorable, right? Let ye not be fooled my friends.. nature required him to be that cute for how frustrating his unexplained crabbiness was. It was always one thing after like a hundred others; a real life mystery! Like playing Clue while a baby screams at you to hurry up already. When the issue finally got to teething I have to tell you I was so sleep deprived we were always a few nights away from my sleepwalking to Blockbuster, putting him in the return slot and heading back to bed. Those days did a number on my brain chemicals, mmkay? And they were already a little sketchy. In fact, my sleepy mind still wanders there occasionally when he cries in the middle of the night and I rush in asking "what's the matter???" and the cause is one of the following.

1. there are shadows in the room
2. a dream he had about tomatoes and my therefore promising to abolish tomatoes from the earth
3. an immediate need for water
4. how he has to go to the bathroom but doesn't want me to turn on any of the lights OR actually get out of bed
or 5. he's awoken at 7am and nobody is here to play with him yet

Problem solve THAT!


So this post is entirely for anyone currently living with a little frustration who could use a reminder whatever it is will pass by soon. Or if you're in my exact situation then it will fly by and we can get on to the really fun stuff like sending them toddling off to school in September.. like a person and everything. Oh no.. that's also not happening to me, and I'm totally not having a weird crisis about it clearly. FYI they will never be finished school until they are adults with jobs and bills, who hopefully don't live with you. Think about that, and give your little vampire baby an extra finger or three to chew on :)

Anyone thinking they're really glad they have no idea what any of that is like, I hope you're lucky enough that one day you do!

Tuesday, August 24

Someone is always crushing somebody's dreams

Dad: you know that thing that parents do where they want you to be safe but also crush your dreams?
Me: being one of my parents, saying this to me is really funny!
Dad: I didn't crush your dreams did I?!!!
Me: ONLY ALL THE TIME!!!!!! Haha I'm just kidding


I was giggling about this forever. That and we ended the convo on Dad's being less than supportive with him yelling JUST TELL ME GOOD LUCK SO I CAN HANG UP! GOOD LUCK DAD I HOPE IT WORKS OUT! Seriously, giggling forever.

Monday, August 23

The werewolf made me write this post, or he won't tell me where he buried the gold cats

via: No-Town



It's going to sound really "late to the party" but I miss my friend Andrea, who lives in Calgary.  Of course, she moved out there like 3 years ago as I've referenced countless times.  What don't I reference countless times?  I'm a referencer... I like to recount.  Like how much fun it is when she and I pretend we hate each other, and when anyone listening in is really sure she slept with my boyfriend - ZOMG let me text someone about this!  Or the the dinner I took her out to before her surprise going away party, having fun posing in front of houses in Oakville with our keys out pretending we lived there.




Andrea just locking up... Oakville is a pretty dangerous hood you know. She has like 50 solid gold cat statues in there.. they just hold up all her big screen tv's.

Why so you have to be so Materialistic Ann!!!! I worked my ass off breaking into peoples houses (pretending to live there) for a whole winter to afford those gold cats...the big screen tv? That was a gift....




I think there just comes a time when you realize, although things are always changing and nothing is permanent, that those "differences" in your life are what you should now consider normal instead of changes, and if you've tried your best then it is likely as good as it's going to get.  Like really looking forward to hanging out with one of your best friends for a day, whenever anyone can afford it and afford the time away.  The new normal is not exactly what I expected, and part of being an adult is my constantly confirming this fact.  Then again, if everything always worked out the way I thought it was going to then I suspect my whole life would be foreign to me, and possibly really disappointing.   





"No good friends or bad friends; only people you want, need to be with. People who build their houses in your heart"

Stephen King

Wednesday, August 18

Waking up

Oh coffee.. your coffee is so coffee.

I had a great day yesterday and am tired, as usual.  We spent the entire day with friends and at our old Oakville neighborhood splash park.  So tempted for a Starbucks and Pizza Depot, but my friend had already made us a wonderful lunch.  Then I remembered that when I lived there the monthly coffee budget was over a hundred dollars, and happily drank my diet coke.


Anyone else can't stand religious advertising? 
OMG guys it looks just like the popular drink, Coke, but Jesus-y.. I'm totally interested in hearing more!!





Speaking of tired though, I had found an interesting link I intended to pass along to Brooke about alternate sleep schedules.  Apparently we do not need 8 hours of sleep a day.. but more like, 3 or 4!  I feel like I'm already on that kind of alternate sleep cycle, technically.  Let me tell you though I'm doing it all wrong!

Have a happy wake-up Wednesday everyone :)
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