Thursday, May 20

The Dog and the Diaper

Today was the hottest day ever.  I prepared myself and the kiddos for heat, sure, but not 35 degree sunshine!  Needless to say at the end of a very long day everyone was cranky, and I still had dinner with my grandparents to go to on the eve of their trip to Italy tomorrow. 

It is a much needed break is all I'll say and I am sure, somehow, I will be glad when they return after a month.  If you ask my grandmother though she is fairly certain they will die in a firey plane crash and/or suffer simultaneous heart attacks before they return home; thus being their LAST TRIP EVER.  I am not sure why there has to be a negative connotation to it but I can't make a habit of trying to understand these things.   If you knew her this would be much funnier... if you don't then it's slightly depressing.

ONWARD.. or rather backward to my original train of thought.. it was a really stinking hot day.  So there we are at the park, me rubbing sweat out of my eyes on a picnic blanket full of treats and hydrating liquids.  Our park is not a dog park but many people take their pups here and unleash them, not exactly the law but whatever, people do it, and this one soaking wet golden retriever comes running out of the trails and sniffing a diaper.  Not just any diaper but a poo diaper.. which has been fermenting for a while in the heat since the wearer did not want her mother to change her.  So the diaper is sitting there by us where she's being changed when I see this dog come and ..yep.. try to eat it.  I freak out to try and stop the dog in the only dog language I know; loud clapping.  It stops but the owner I see coming after the dog looks a little distressed that I did that.  So the owner, who I will call Mr. DoesNothing, comes closer to us and tries to tell us the dog is very friendly and won't bite and encourages the kids to pet him.  I am not sure what to do in this situation so I just mention that the dog was about to eat a diaper, and Mr. DoesNothing just shrugs as if to say.. that's life.  Well OK then!  The diaper gets wrapped up after a few more tries from the dog to eat it and instead of Mr. DoesNothing actually leashing his dog back up or luring it away from a shitty diaper, he lives up to his name and does nothing.  You see where this is going don't you?  This dog grabbed the most foul smelling poo diaper and RAN AWAY with it.. off into the field where it laid waste to it, thrashing it around like a scene from Jaws.  The only adults in this situation, me, my friend and Mr. DoesNothing are watching this.. me about to puke, my friend completely shocked and Mr. DoesNothing as casual as ever.  He calls for the dog a bunch but clearly he's having way too much fun.  Just the kind of dog I want the kids to pet, by the way.. a dog with a listening problem.

Is that the end?  NO.  The dog runs back for more, and Mr. DoesNothing eventually leashes him after 1. staring at us creepily 2. watching the dog almost steal 2 blankets and 3. shook all the (what I hope was just water) off on us

Ugh.  This event has filled my 'disgusting' quotient for the rest of my life.


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