Thursday, July 29

Greatest Adventure

Packing for our week at the cottage has been fun this week.  Fun, as in, I had no idea how many pieces of clothing we owned.  You get a great idea when you have to wash and fold all of it.. it's really quite spectacular.  As was the amount of cleaning we had to do on our new travel mobile.  I could go into all the stuff we did to it over a 4 day period but the important part is it practically looks brand new now so there's a sense of accomplishment in that.. and avoiding a staph infection.  HUGE accomplishments, both.

We're leaving a day early this year and staying at a resort in town (with a bar! and nice beds! and a hot tub!) so I'm pretty excited for both the pre-vacation and an easier drive on the long weekend.  I keep having flashbacks to the year we drove my VW convertible, Bad Apple, up there and got stuck in traffic around Barrie for the music festival.. leaving me with the WORST seat-belt shoulder burn in history.  I think I got sun poisoning.  Is that a real thing?  I also enjoyed the challenge of staying out of the sun entirely when you are living on the beach.

I leave you for the week with some random but really sweet photos I stumbled on that I just love love love of a couple who got their engagement picture idea from the movie UP! probably the cutest movie ever.  Have a great week :)

[wildflowers photography]

Wednesday, July 28

Know the season you're in

I really want to preface what I'm going to write about by saying I'm not in on the whole motivational movement, if you know what I mean.  While I am a fan of the positivity and self-improvement, I don't get daily emails about how great I am and life being a sparkling rainbow of high fives.  Flat out, I think highly motivated people are swell but there is a huge cavernous difference between motivational 'teachings' that seem very disingenuous and those who are, for lack of a better term, "the real deal". 

I liken the whole thing to those grown men and women who work on children's television networks, pretending to be 13.. I guess they enjoy their jobs but I'm pretty sure they drink themselves to sleep every night. 

the blonde guy is totally wearing a wig..

Now, I don't know who caught Breakthrough with Tony Robbins on TV last night but it was so great to watch.  [episode link

We like to joke he's so huge his fist is like a bunch of bananas but he's such a cool person and you can just tell it was a completely genuine story.  He really changes people's lives in a significant way and seems like he spent much more time with them than what was just filmed for the show.  Sorry, Jillian Michaels.. your Losing it with Jillian is the kind of crap I hate seeing on television.  To me the losing seems to refer to all kinds of credibility. "I'm moving into your house for a week and exploiting the shit out of your kids and whatever reason seems fitting for why you're 'fat'!  But I'll be back in a couple months to see if you lost a shit ton of weight and just really hope you did it in a healthy way."

So I like Tony's show, even if it trumps Extreme Makeover: Home Edition in making me want to cry my freaking eyes out.  I forgive you Tony!  I like seeing people who aren't just a quote and a go-get em' attitude.. but really live that way; especially if you're going to do a show like that I'm glad he takes such a personal interest in changing the direction people are going.. and is so excited by their success'.  I think especially anyone who works/volunteers in the industry of caregiving, teaching or mentoring can appreciate how great that feels.  Nomatter what the circumstances everyone should be living their best lives, and I dig seeing anyone genuinely invested in that. 

Catch the show next time if you can, there are only 5 more specials on NBC Tuesdays at 8pm. 

Timing in life is can do the right thing at the wrong time and you will not be rewarded. Know the "season" your in!    @tonyrobbins

Monday, July 26

Make your own

Cooking up some playdough today and I thought I would post the recipe I have if anyone wants to try it themselves! 

"Daddy getting mad at the groundhogs making holes in the backyard"  So lifelike.

@ work

Nature's Playdough

1 cup flour
1/2 cup salt
1 cup water
2 tablespoons oil
2 tablespoons cream of tartar
beet, spinach, and carrot juice

In a pot mix flour, tartar, salt and oil, and slowly add the water. Cook over medium heat, stirring until dough becomes stiff. Turn out onto wax paper and let cool. Knead the playdough with your hands until of proper consistency. Use as is, or divide into balls and add a few drops of the vegetable juices to make green, pink, and orange.

You can of course just use food colouring too, and may I suggest the gel colouring if you do.  Seems like it would be easier.  By the time you're done kids will be happy and you'll look like you've been picking poison berries all day.  Why poison?  If you have to ask then clearly you have not made any poison berry jam lately.  It gets everywhere!  Almost like it wants to leave evidence...

Friday, July 23

All my friends are dead


I was in need of one more plant to fulfill the destiny of my last empty planter pot I bought a set of for the front entrance. It had looked sad for weeks. I thought to myself "self.. just get something green. don't test your luck, you know you've been neglecting that one in the basket downstairs just to see how long it wants to hang on. part of you doesn't believe it's real.. it lives in a basket". Did I listen to myself? No, I never do about stuff like that. Of course I bought the nicest looking bonsai tree. The ONLY plant in the store that came with a booklet of instructions that basically told me this thing is a huge bitch and doesn't even like being moved around. It will lose some leaves in a few weeks just because you brought it home in your car and it changed temperatures... congrats, idiot!

I read this and then determined to have it in my house, scanned the booklet until I found one ray of hope in it's huge cloud of despair; most people kill these things by over-watering them.. no chance there! Sold! And this is why my plants die. You could say I'm really optimistic or I'm horticulturally irresponsible. Either would be true. As well as damn awesome, but let's just focus on my plant problems right now. So for some reason I get this home, feeling good about my huge risk, and as I go to put it into its pot... doesn't fit. The thing is a good 3 inches too wide for the pot I had and I somehow didn't think to check that. Rather than admit I've made a huge mistake I optimistically attempted to fix my problem by just shaking some dirt off it so it will fit.

I shook the plant that hates temperature change! I physically touched its tiny little roots. My god that thing must be so pissed right now! Hopefully I can deprive it of water enough for it to decide to forgive me and be part of the family.. instead of dying. I think the correct choice is clear here but I'll update you on what this crazy thing decides.

Tuesday, July 20

A Coward AND a Scoundrel!

Wouldn't the world be so much better if you could still do stuff like this?

Really though.. why wouldn't he just give him some satisfaction?  I most certainly offer satisfaction to everyone I've insulted.  I'm so honorable in fact that if I happen to owe anyone some back-satisfaction just call my cell and we'll totally duel it out ok?  I realize all this guy was asking for was an apology but I like to take it a little farther than that.  Mix it up.. keep it interesting.  What's an "I'm sorry" next to a great excuse to draw pistols on the lawn?  The answer is nothing.

Monday, July 19

Unused pencils

It's probably no surprise to anyone that I get less sleep than 80% of you. If I'm not up twice, it's three times a night tending to really pressing stuff like "I saw a shadow" or "I had a dream about tomatoes.. I DON'T LIKE TOMATOES!" and of course getting bottles of milk ready. So getting back to sleep sometimes the oddest things pop into my (what should be empty) head. Last night I was driving home from Hamilton, which I never do, and I realized I should check my headlights as I didn't see them on. I pulled right over into what happened to be a liquor store parking lot downtown. As I got out to check I noticed it was locked up and abandoned looking, which might just be what a closed liquor store looks like down there as I was pretty sure it was open less than an year ago. We all know how unlikely it is that a liquor store goes out of business! but that's what it looked like.

Well apparently that little 30 second stop caused a random memory to pop up in the middle of the night of a time my mother and I went to that liquor store when I was little. Back then they had those cold blue pools you could quickly chill your shiz in.. remember that?? Anyway! it was summertime and it was busy but as we left I must have really bugged her for a dollar, cos she actually gave me one, because I wanted to give it to the man sitting outside in a wheelchair selling bright neon coloured pencils in a cup. I was really happy with myself for doing that since I thought that maybe he could go home if he sold them all. It reminded me a little of the story of the little match girl if you've ever had it read to you... I am not sure why it was a child's story since it's the saddest fucking thing on earth but anyways. I fell asleep finally, remembering that day and the fact that as soon as I got back into the car after my good deed I was incredibly heartbroken over it. No, not because he was in a wheelchair.. I was a child, I could have convinced myself he was making extra money to pay for a groundbreaking surgery so he could walk again if I really wanted to.

You know the moment people talk about when they realize their parents don't know everything/Dad isn't the strongest person ever/neither of them will live forever? That moment was it for me; seeing a grown up man, as pleasant and happy he was, and all he could think of to sell were pencils because he really needed money. Grown ups were not supposed to do that and I was pretty sure that's not the kind of thing he wanted to be doing, either. I don't think I ever did use the pencil I bought. Hmm. I swear the brain is just a bunch of electrical impulses playing russian roulette up there.

Friday, July 16

Friday Potato Triptych

excuse me what is this?

ohh I get it..

ha ha sweet potatoes, you're funny!

Thursday, July 15

Ohhh, a skiddo!

If you aren't privileged to deal with children everyday and ever wanted to know what it's like, I'll sum it up for you in picture form.

Sometimes it's like this..

And sometimes it's like this..


And if it ever becomes both at any point there's always a little gem to make it back to pink lemonade and cupcake time, like this one:

"It's a horny dinosaur!"
- a horned dinosaur, yes

"Can I make a skiddo?"
- what's a skiddo?
"A space man"

Tuesday, July 13

Karen! Karen!

I don't love funny or die usually but I could not have enjoyed this clip more.  Jewel undercover as Karen the shy frozen food executive at a karaoke bar!


Over the weekend we walked past a  falcon juvenile Coopers or Sharpe-shinned Hawk in our neighborhood and obviously took a picture as it was just sitting there, sizing us up I suppose.  There was another in the tree above it with some feathers sticking out of it's mouth and the owner of the house excitedly proclaiming with his facial expressions from his porch, "Holy crap guys it's a falcon hawk in my yard!" I swear that's exactly what he said, facially.

Sean even saw one (probably the same one) scatter a bunch of small birds in our backyard and thinks he made off with one.  Badass? Yes.  Can't believe I missed it!

Pretty cool as they're endangered in Canada so you don't really see them.. at all.  There is actually a hatching sanctuary/observatory on top of a mall in downtown Hamilton where some birds decided to hang around and there's a whole live webcam setup and everything every year; people get pretty excited about it which I always thought was neat.  I currently live in a very rural area but Hamilton isn't sononomous with "wildlife", you know, so I like their attitude of 'I am going to fly wherever the hell I feel like... so suck it.'

Saturday, July 10

I have had an unprecedented day and felt it was my duty to make note of that.. somewhere.  I'm all out of napkins to write on so I'll share with you that I took my grandmother to the LAST restaurant I was ever going to take her to in my life and she liked the food.  In fact, she not only liked the food she actually sent COMPLIMENTS TO THE CHEF!  We stayed for cappuccino and espressos after the meal which never happens either.  I've finally figured out she only wants to eat food exactly like she makes but better.  Problem solved!

I also made 2 dozen blackbottom cupcakes for a stag and doe and didn't even eat any batter

Thursday, July 8

If my calculations are correct..

The hospital I was born at just renamed itself.  Should I be worried about the possibility that I no longer exist? What did michael j fox do? Do I need to make sure I get my parents to the dance? 

Are they aware I have a baby t-shirt somewhere with the slogan "I was born at Henderson Hospital" ..seems like a total lie now, doesn't it?  Was that not even a consideration??  There were t-shirts made! 

Wednesday, July 7

I'm lost

I am not sure if it's just as entertaining to everyone as much as it is to me, but people really seem to love hearing about the batshit crazy stuff my grandmother does.  I wouldn't want to disappoint anybody, so I'll mention there was an incident last night just one day after the Red Lobster fiasco, where we had to take a nice long look at when we left because we can never return.  The reason?  Salt... and a cruel unwillingness to have the manager do ANYTHING to make you happy.  Buddy, you and everyone else!.. it's just not happening. 

The problem yesterday was car insurance.  We looked up a cheaper company, a bank, that would cover them for about half what they were paying.  When the agent called to confirm all their information my grandmother took this, and their 1 800 number, to mean it was a scam and was a perfect storm of crazy explaining that on the phone with me.  Apparently, did I not know, nothing comes for free?  I could recount the whole conversation but you'd feel as lost as I do at the moment.  Who are these people?  Where am I?  Who said that?

Sunday, July 4

Goodmorning & Goodnight

I urge you to please notice when you are happy, and exclaim or murmur or think at some point, ‘If this isn’t nice, I don’t know what is.’ ~Kurt Vonnegut

[link: goodmorning & goodnight]

Friday, July 2

“It’s funny how one summer can change everything. It must be something about the heat and the smell of chlorine, fresh cut grass and honeysuckle, asphalt sizzling after late-day thunderstorms, the steam rising while everything drips around it. Something about long, lazy days and whirring air conditioners and bright plastic flip flops from the drugstore thwacking down the street. Something about fall being so close, another year, another Christmas, another beginning. So much in one summer, stirring up like the storms that crest at the end of each day, blowing out all the heat and dirt to leave everything gasping and cool. Everyone can reach back to one summer and lay a finger to it, finding that exact point when everything changed.” ~Sarah Dessen

Midnight rickshaw going anywhere

Well I am currently doing a favour for my Dad so he can do a favour for someone else today. It's a favour factory! and unfortunately it's hijacked my Friday. This favour I'm involved in is being present and answering phones at my parents business while my Dad is not here. It's a nice little throwback to what I did when I used to live at home.. complete with boredom and having no clue when anyone is returning.

I'll use some of this time then to mention we had a pretty epic night for my buddy Wes' birthday festivities Wednesday. I am still not 100% yet which is slightly hampering my will to live/not be asleep but I'd do it again ..without the shots. Totally unecessary. Our night didn't even start till 11:30 because we were drinking and watching Puerto Rican baseball (the Los Marlins are looking really good this year) or snippets of toilet births in I Didn't Know I Was Pregant. Not sure what the learning channel is teaching these days but that is conversation for another day. My glass was slightly huge and it was a serious mistake not to just stick with beer the whole time.

don't worry it's just a Christmas Tree ice cube

So we head to the cab after throwing our take-alongs into the bushes.. clearly this should have said there was no need to leave the appartment but this one guy unfortunately mentioned he has never seen Hamilton at night so we felt oblidged to turn this into a tour and go for "a beer". The tour group consisted of Wes, the birthday guy playing the part of a G20 protester yelling "God Bless America" at everyone and trying to throw himself through glass storefronts. A guy we will call Lou, who's never been to Hamilton, and is running for some sort of office soon as well as teaches in a Catholic high school. We have a really fun discussion at the third pub about religion and I was so drunk I sucessfully seemed totally interested. A guy we will call Rudy, who is leaving with his wife next month for a two year teaching job in Taiwan, needing a smoke break chat every 8 minutes. Wes' younger brother who has a really racist nickname so he's just Ryan, who frequents Japanese Kareoke bars and looks and sounds exactly like Wes which I just find entertaining. And myself.. we all know me in this situation so let's get on with it. Get to the pub downtown and have a pitcher, walk down to the next pub, and then another. We spot an abanoned bike with a trailer attatched so Wes gets on and we try to convince two skanks to get in it and he'll rickshaw them around. It'll be, like, the best myspace profile pic everrrrr!!!!11!!

I think they would have really done it if he seemed at all like he could even ride the bike. Or I could even take a picture at this point.

So in the end, after shots and a bunch of random bar song requests and Wes already puking once, we head to our final destination. The Japanese Kareoke bar. They just put you in a room with like 20 cold beers, a song book and two microphones. I'm pretty sure there were shrimp chips, too.. oh and Don't Stop Believing. That was hands down one of the best times ever.. the guy actually had to make us leave when it was closing and physically take away all our drinks. When we got back to Wes' appartment we played a nice little game of whipping shit off the balcony into the empty park. It got a little out of hand when it was half full beers and an empty pizza box but it was fun nonetheless. Lou fell asleep somehow so the punnishment for that was, I decided it, giving him some sparkly lipgloss. We all thought it'd be super fun for him to explain that one to his wife, who is apparently a good sport since she asked Lou to hit on Wes at some point in the night... and he did. See, it all ends well.

Except for the fact that the next morning Wes drove me home and we both puked in my bathroom. So I will never be doing that again! except maybe if Wes gets married. I only hope it's long enough away where I totally forget the end of this story. However, these are what stories are for, folks. Hope you enjoyed it.
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