Tuesday, August 31

Girl Club Confession


Ten reasons why my membership to the girl club could be taken away.

  1. I never buy shoes except to occasionally replace the four staples I have
  2. Those are: one running shoe, one comfy sandal, one casual ballet flat, one small black heel for "fancy" shit. I own others.. somewhere..
  3. Fact: my son owns more shoes than me, and I bought them
  4. My purse selection is fair but I fill them with crayons and diapers
  5. I never wear more than 2 pieces of jewelry at any time
  6. The amount of time I need to dry and do my hair is usually superseded by my need to catch up on True Blood and drink a coffee
  7. I own one lipstick and I don't wear it - just gloss
  8. I so rarely even buy make-up, but what I've collected so far is all I seem to need
  9. Unfortunately I keep all of that make-up in a plastic bag my bed sheets came in
  10. OR when I'm on the go, just a literal plastic bag that I think a pair of travel socks came in that doesn't even close

I'd keep going but you get the idea... and the list is making me suddenly really wonder if I even ever had a membership to begin with. It could just be a library card. I also so rarely even use my wallet I wouldn't even know!

SO.. was I ever glad when my super girly friend Kim saw my sad little sheet bag when we were doing slutty make-overs and gifted me my very own little clinique make-up bag, full of all new cute stuff too! Now I may pass for a real girl, huzzah!

Monday, August 30

Cut Copy Monday

I occasionally like to search my email and get rid of anything useless I've signed up for that's attached to it. So this is a photo dump of some extremely random pictures that I added to a website about travelling.  If I was trying to make some point about irrelevant spots in the world.. mission accomplished.

I really, really could have found better ones.  

These are probably the least interesting travel pictures in existence so I decided the only way they'd be more interesting is if you had to guess where they were taken.  There are no extra clues.  I might include an answer key next time!

Sunday, August 29

Vampire baby

New and improved, extra bitey

Sure, new teeth look harmless enough but they have turned a usually joyful and sweet baby into a super crusty bum. I let him chomp my finger for a few minutes thinking it would make him happy and realized, holy crap.. where did my nail polish go? That's how furious he is at the arrival of these things. All babies are, hence they are the worst things to ever happen other than maybe the rest of growing up, owning their attitude, and telling their mothers they want a new mom because they would be nice. You see, this mom is apparently a little bit nice but mostly mean.

No.... that didn't happen to me at all. Nope.

So, while I'm in the rare mood to share, I'll tell you that the other night I questioned how long this teeth issue was going to go on because I was toying with the answer being forever, and suddenly I saw the cause was two more teeth poking out at me. Tiny terrible vampire teeth.. actually. In this face!

Unlike so many frustrations in life I actually do find myself with a direct comparison to this situation. And it makes me realize it's really not so bad. His name is Ethan and these are a couple of pictures of him when he was at the same teething stage Gabriel is now. It's possible it may not happen again, so enjoy the cute.

Chewing off my nail polish is a theme, I guess

Oh no, I'm fake-sad!

Absurdly adorable, right? Let ye not be fooled my friends.. nature required him to be that cute for how frustrating his unexplained crabbiness was. It was always one thing after like a hundred others; a real life mystery! Like playing Clue while a baby screams at you to hurry up already. When the issue finally got to teething I have to tell you I was so sleep deprived we were always a few nights away from my sleepwalking to Blockbuster, putting him in the return slot and heading back to bed. Those days did a number on my brain chemicals, mmkay? And they were already a little sketchy. In fact, my sleepy mind still wanders there occasionally when he cries in the middle of the night and I rush in asking "what's the matter???" and the cause is one of the following.

1. there are shadows in the room
2. a dream he had about tomatoes and my therefore promising to abolish tomatoes from the earth
3. an immediate need for water
4. how he has to go to the bathroom but doesn't want me to turn on any of the lights OR actually get out of bed
or 5. he's awoken at 7am and nobody is here to play with him yet

Problem solve THAT!

So this post is entirely for anyone currently living with a little frustration who could use a reminder whatever it is will pass by soon. Or if you're in my exact situation then it will fly by and we can get on to the really fun stuff like sending them toddling off to school in September.. like a person and everything. Oh no.. that's also not happening to me, and I'm totally not having a weird crisis about it clearly. FYI they will never be finished school until they are adults with jobs and bills, who hopefully don't live with you. Think about that, and give your little vampire baby an extra finger or three to chew on :)

Anyone thinking they're really glad they have no idea what any of that is like, I hope you're lucky enough that one day you do!

Tuesday, August 24

Someone is always crushing somebody's dreams

Dad: you know that thing that parents do where they want you to be safe but also crush your dreams?
Me: being one of my parents, saying this to me is really funny!
Dad: I didn't crush your dreams did I?!!!
Me: ONLY ALL THE TIME!!!!!! Haha I'm just kidding

I was giggling about this forever. That and we ended the convo on Dad's being less than supportive with him yelling JUST TELL ME GOOD LUCK SO I CAN HANG UP! GOOD LUCK DAD I HOPE IT WORKS OUT! Seriously, giggling forever.

Monday, August 23

The werewolf made me write this post, or he won't tell me where he buried the gold cats

via: No-Town

It's going to sound really "late to the party" but I miss my friend Andrea, who lives in Calgary.  Of course, she moved out there like 3 years ago as I've referenced countless times.  What don't I reference countless times?  I'm a referencer... I like to recount.  Like how much fun it is when she and I pretend we hate each other, and when anyone listening in is really sure she slept with my boyfriend - ZOMG let me text someone about this!  Or the the dinner I took her out to before her surprise going away party, having fun posing in front of houses in Oakville with our keys out pretending we lived there.

Andrea just locking up... Oakville is a pretty dangerous hood you know. She has like 50 solid gold cat statues in there.. they just hold up all her big screen tv's.

Why so you have to be so Materialistic Ann!!!! I worked my ass off breaking into peoples houses (pretending to live there) for a whole winter to afford those gold cats...the big screen tv? That was a gift....

I think there just comes a time when you realize, although things are always changing and nothing is permanent, that those "differences" in your life are what you should now consider normal instead of changes, and if you've tried your best then it is likely as good as it's going to get.  Like really looking forward to hanging out with one of your best friends for a day, whenever anyone can afford it and afford the time away.  The new normal is not exactly what I expected, and part of being an adult is my constantly confirming this fact.  Then again, if everything always worked out the way I thought it was going to then I suspect my whole life would be foreign to me, and possibly really disappointing.   

"No good friends or bad friends; only people you want, need to be with. People who build their houses in your heart"

Stephen King

Wednesday, August 18

Waking up

Oh coffee.. your coffee is so coffee.

I had a great day yesterday and am tired, as usual.  We spent the entire day with friends and at our old Oakville neighborhood splash park.  So tempted for a Starbucks and Pizza Depot, but my friend had already made us a wonderful lunch.  Then I remembered that when I lived there the monthly coffee budget was over a hundred dollars, and happily drank my diet coke.

Anyone else can't stand religious advertising? 
OMG guys it looks just like the popular drink, Coke, but Jesus-y.. I'm totally interested in hearing more!!

Speaking of tired though, I had found an interesting link I intended to pass along to Brooke about alternate sleep schedules.  Apparently we do not need 8 hours of sleep a day.. but more like, 3 or 4!  I feel like I'm already on that kind of alternate sleep cycle, technically.  Let me tell you though I'm doing it all wrong!

Have a happy wake-up Wednesday everyone :)

Saturday, August 14

Random Question

via: abandoned houses in the desert

I am not sure I hope anyone has ever noticed I occasionally change my "random question" in the profile that fancy-ass Blogger makes me have.  Keeping up on that would be seriously worrisome but on the other hand, I think they're funny so I hope someone enjoyed them.  I enjoy the challenge of occasionally musing.. could I possibly be given a more insane question/be funnier than I was last time?  IMPOSSIBLE I'd think.. and then of course I'd need to find out, thereby erasing my previous question like Russian roulette, and the next is always at the very least equally insane and funny.  So if you haven't had the pleasure of knowing Blogger "Random Question" then I'll introduce you.  I believe the last question was something like..

Q: if you were a cannibal what would you wear?
A: a shirt that says "I'm really, really sorry"

 The current question is

When you spilled the milk, did it look like the moon?

If the moon looked like my mother smacking me in the face because we couldn't afford more milk... then yes it really looked like the moon.

That one is extra funny, to me, because the story behind it is true.  The only time I ever spilled milk that is what happened, as I completely froze for some reason and the full bag of milk spilled out on the dining room table.  A dining room table that WAS covered with plastic though, so the anger was totally just about the milk.  Sure, my memory is scary ridiculous in both randomness and how far it reaches.. I know this.. but I think that just means I'll have a much longer life than most people, right?  If just that I can remember more of it lol.  Just think of your mind like a house and all the rooms you fill up with certain things.  I fill up mine with grains of sand, it seems.

Now I'm tempted to roll the dice for a new question just for bringing this up.  Great.

Wednesday, August 11

Slow and Steady

I suppose I could start off with a story from our week on vacation.  One that sticks out after posting all the pictures up today is the day we went on our traditional visit to "the island".  First of all.. the island is not really an island.  In fact Lake Bernard is the largest freshwater lake without an island so you need to know this fact; we basically decided as kids that this tiny speck of beach that was owned by no one was our island.  This is likely because its right next to a deep dark cold creek that we also make a tradition of annually freaking ourselves out paddling down it for some reason.  I didn't do that particular trip this year since last year, if anyone remembers, my kayak glided backward into some brush that had a gigantic spider in it right around my face, and I nearly tipped myself in fear.  The creek is dead to me for 2010.

I swear these are all good times though.. even the horrible sleep I got and the bruise on my back from the actual mattress coils, I look upon fondly.  It's just impossible not to.

So my cousins took all the kayaks to the island and I was in the paddle boat with my son Ethan, his cousins Noah and brother Jonah.  All the kids together weighed about 170 pounds and none of them were helping paddle so as you can imagine we were going absolutely nowhere.  I told Jonah, who is 10, that if he didn't help then he needed to get out.  The entire lake for the first 150 feet is like 2 feet deep or less so no I'm not a monster, he was already swimming in it and could have easily gone back in.  He agreed to help a little as we headed toward the island, slightly faster, pretending to be pirates.  We finally get there where 4 of my cousins were waiting for us, plus Noah and Jonah's sister and Maria's dog.  It was a FULL island.  Our tradition is not just that we GO to the island but that we take something to eat/drink with us and nomatter what must finish all of it.  It's an arbitrary rule that I'm sure came from a fear of our parents finding half of something in the fridge and yelling at us.  If it was missing entirely there'd at least be some likelihood of forgetting to pack it, having eaten it.. or the best.. questioning whether you are having a senior moment and not wanting to draw attention to it. 

One year it was an entire block of cheddar cheese.. that was a bad one.  This year it was a 2L bottle of red wine.  We had a ton of fun hanging out, taking pics, finishing the wine, watching the kids play.. and then when we were ready to head back I realized "ah shit I'm the paddle boat."  I should have prefaced this with another story about a fateful canoe ride where me, Antonella and my then 2 year old Ethan accidentally tipped into the water and he was horrified to go into a boat ever since.  And this was the first time he asked to go in one, instead of his usual screaming like he was on fire at the mention of the idea.  THIS paddle boat, THIS year.  Needless to say I was determined not to end up in the water, possibly giving him a lifelong trauma of anything that floats.

Before we cast off I make Jonah aware of the fact he needs to help again or else we won't make it until dinner.  For some reason, even though he's TEN YEARS OLD, he has exactly as much energy as me.. a 28 year old sleeping on a bad mattress, up a few times at night with a baby, and who just drank 2 glasses of red wine.  I blame Nintendo DS.  So, not even midway, Jonah gives up citing "wow this really IS hard" and of course on the way back my side of the boat, which is obviously heavier, is against the waves.  Half the thing fills with water and I declare the only sane thing for us to do is getting out and pushing the two kids back to shore.  I'm not wearing a bathing suit either.  All is going well, Ethan is still having fun, until Jonah decides we'd get there MUCH faster if we started running!  He takes off with the boat and I keep up for as long as I can (you try drinking wine and running through a lake) and I yell at him to stop.  Like I said though, the Nintendo DS caught up to him and he ran out of steam anyways as I kept going along.  I thought it was a great time to repeat a piece of age old wisdom..  being the old person in this situation; slow and steady wins the race, buddy!

And that's the story of that.

Flickr: Cottage 2010 Photos

Sunday, August 8

Wanted: Lake sunset!

I normally can't complain about the view from my kitchen windows whatsoever except for today.  And it has nothing to do with the fact our lawn mower "passed on" a week before we left, and it looks like a literal jungle out there. 

Everything went by so quickly this year for some reason.. or maybe our 'fun deficit' is just larger then it used to be.. so my cousins are already planning a 4-day weekend away for us mid-September.  I'll go into all the stuff we did our vaca week but needless to say, I have my coffee in hand but my view is missing this. 
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