Wednesday, September 29

Bay Stuff

An ad I just saw online:

It might sound extremely uppity of me but I could never buy something from someone who is of legal drinking age but can't spell cage. Or confuses whole for hole. Not that I was tempted in any way when I saw this ad, I actually wanted to know what bay stuff was, but if I was I'm just saying who'd ever be sure they were mentally aware of what a transaction was. A great reason to also never give this person a live animal. For all you know she'd eat him. I sincerely hope all the "bay stuff" she has to trade with are things she found because the mere idea she actually has a child makes me want to cry my freaking eyes out.

Yes, everyone, I'm aware that I've just confessed that in my eyes the mass murder of the English language and it being very questionable if a person could parent a turkey are basically equal. If I can argue though that it is because they usually go hand in hand. Like cosmetic surgery and the smell of desperation. It's the Joni to it's Chachi, the Balki to it's Cousin Larry, the Cadge to it's Cocketil.

Seriously, cadge... my heart hurts.

Monday, September 27

Colour Theory

via: barbara oliveria

I was washing the floor in the kitchen the other day, and seeing as we have a door to the backyard from it it naturally gets dirty pretty fast and I also like to make sure whatever potato bug etc that have died there are given a proper burial in my garbage. For some reason I was thinking about how when things die they quickly lose their colour, as I'm sweeping up this white little dusty bug. It made me think about how although Spring is associated with living, budding, blossoming and green, the theory that things are most alive when they are their most colourful made a good case for the start of (my favourite season) of Autumn. I've always thought it was the brief time when was the world seemed most awake.

All you have to do is look at the changing leaves, and how unbelievably red and orange and yellow they will get.. something I'm looking forward to. You can't argue that Summer or Spring is quite the same, although very colourful. Not even if it were under a sparkly blanket of fresh snow on a Winter night, or amongst chipper birds singing on a rosey fragrant Summer morning; it's colours are not the same. I like to think of it as the short moment in that year when things are at their best and most vibrant; where that little bite of chilly air that makes you put your hands in your jacket pockets is the whole world telling you to pay attention because things are happening. And it wants you to remember to be happening, too. And love being and seeing and doing all of it.

With a cute sweater, of course. The whole world definitely wants you to remember to wear one. I mean, Winners has a whole section called Chunky Knits... you can't ignore this.

Monday, September 20

Since my likes include ragging on Andrea all the time

Do you have any idea how hard it is for me not to comment on a picture of my friend Andrea holding famous crabs?  DO YOU?

I really don't think you do.

It was not hers but her boyfriend's album of their recent trip to California though, and I already commented 3 times.  If not for that fact, that thing would be RIDDLED with crab jokes. 

Only 3 more months until I can tell her she shouldn't show people her crabs at the table.  Or that I've never seen someone with crabs that large look so happy.  Ugh, I can't even decide!

Saturday, September 18

Friday, September 17


I was recently shopping for a birthday present for my cousins son's party this weekend. He is going to be 5 so you would think I'd have a lock on what to get him exactly but every kid has different interests, so I was pretty indecisive. If he liked trains I'd know exactly what to do, but he's REALLY into cars and Nintendo. I know he likes stuff from the movie Cars so I got him something with Cars on it he can take to school, and a sweater for next year (pretty sure he doesn't read my site so the secret is safe, for now) but I was torn between a mechanic car kit and the most hilarious game I have ever seen.


"The Racing Grannies Racers Track Racing Granny Game contains everything you need to hold your own octogenarian speed competitions. You get a 26" oval racetrack with over 70" of track, two speed controllers, and two racing Grandmothers in motorized wheelchairs -- one red and one blue. (you'll need 4 AA batteries, too) There are also guardrails for the curves so the Grannies won't go tumbling to their death when you take the turn to quickly."

You have no idea how hard it was not to buy this!! The fact that they look blind makes it all that much better BUT I ultimately went with the mechanic set. I wasn't entirely sure a 5 year old boy would get how cool it really was. I think I'll be going back for it though because when I told my cousins about it they flipped out and suddenly I felt dumb since I hadn't thought to get it for our girls only weekend.. as a note, there may be drinking involved in the rules.

Man I love toys.

Thursday, September 16

The universe happened on accident and is riddled with spiders

I swear in a previous life I was killed by a spider bite.  Even the book Charlotte's Web did nothing for garnering my sympathy.  I'd kill Charlotte, her babies, her grandma, and her sick aunt Gwen if she had them.  You know, if I wasn't too afraid to do it or anything.  This particular spider I remember from 2 days back hanging out by my garage and I ran away from it.  That's the terrifying thing about spiders, they sit there for an impossibly long time so you can gather the courage to confront them.. then all of a sudden WHERE DID IT GO???   Nature's magic little fuckers.  My answer for why I don't believe God exists doesn't even need to go beyond the fact no omnipotent being would ever create so many species of these things.   Any argument you have.. answer: then why are there 38,000 species of spiders?  Is it so I can appreciate butterflies?  Who wouldn't appreciate butterflies anyway!  I suppose the web outside my window is at least a little bit pretty.  Until bees and other insects get trapped in it and the unholy thing devours them like your own private Discovery channel.

Tuesday, September 14

In case you ever wondered, this site is merely the longest autobiography ever

One of my favourite things in the world is when my son Ethan* randomly announces that it is such a beautiful day outside.  I'm not sure why but it never fails to make my day when he notices it's quite lovely out.  I don't really remember being that age and noticing at all how it looked like outside, only what I was doing.

I remember a day from that time where my mom, step-dad and I lived in an apartment complex downtown.  The same apartment complex that had a corner store inside that I started eating candy from which my mom couldn't pay for.. which I think is called "stealing".  The same apartment my mom, step-dad, and I watched an eclipse from in the parking lot with blankets.  I had a best friend who lived in the next apartment that went to school with me that first year and her name was Diana and she was incredibly pale and had black short hair with straight bangs.  Now that I think about it, she looked like a china doll.  Our moms decided to get us together between the buildings and it was just the darkest chilly September day but we spent it bottle cap hunting in the dirt.  It was really damp, cold dirt.  We found tonnes as you can imagine ..the area we lived in lots of people drank outside, we just had to give up after (probably) a few hours.  That is one thing I will never claim to recall even to this day.. how much time something took.  

My point is it's really nice to remember days being nice just for no reason at all, and if Ethan's memory is anything like mine he'll just have a bunch of nice thoughts of beautiful weather.  Like when it smells like Summer is coming.  I usually have to have something specific happen.  My other point is that I really do remember the names and likeness of every best friend I've ever had.  Other than family members my memory backward ends with a best friend in pre-school named Jenny.. we mainly got in trouble for talking and I got called saucy.  Saucy!  I mean it's true but how was I supposed to know what that meant?  I even had a best friend in grade one named Valine until she moved away, and then I'm not sure I had any one particular best friend for a long time.  I have also never since met anyone else on earth named Valine.. which I think is an element on the periodic table.  Fun fact: Wes' cute mother was the lunch monitor in grade school.  Years and years later, she offered me a blowjob shot at a backyard party and I was scarred inside.  Growing up is so fun when parents embrace it, isn't it?  I hope to be as cool, you know, without embarrassing anyone.

*see excited pics below

Monday, September 13

Ethan's first day of school

Darth Vader tee, check.  Bakugan backpack, check.  Batman lunchbox, check check.


Sunday, September 12

Silent Sunday

“There are things that we never want to let go of, people we never want to leave behind. But keep in mind that letting go isn’t the end of the world, it’s the beginning of a new life.”

via: goodmorning & goodnight

Thursday, September 9

Sparkle Bath

The thread I am hanging onto my girl club membership includes 1. sweater love 2. baking cupcakes and 3. walking into stores like Sephora or Lush with my OMG IT'S SPARKLE BATH CAKES face.

That's it, that's really all.

via: whenitcomestoyou

Also, why does the best bath and shower stuff always look or smell especially edible? You know someone has tasted more than a few of these.

I know I could use at least one fancy bath this weekend.  My week has consisted of new children starting daycare, being September and all, and one in particular is a little out of hand.  Think Supernanny territory and you'll be warm - without going into specifics.  I like what I do but there aren't enough sparkle baths in the world for me to keep that situation up another week, and I love sparkles!

Tuesday, September 7

Labor Day weekend

Last BBQ of the summer was great.. despite the drizzle! and lasted well into the evening. It's always a fun time when you get to see a bunch of friends and also consume your weight in hamburgers and beer. I didn't have either of those but it sure did look good! Looking forward to Oktoberfest to hang out with some of them again as I have actually never been to one.

Yeah, really.

I could tell you about running into my friend Roxanne, completely by chance.. and the random kid who puked on the sidewalk in front of us while we were chatting. One of those moments where you feel it would be a scene in a movie about two peoples extremely different days colliding with each other. Or I could simply inform you what weekend NOT to get a haircut (aka this weekend, I don't know why!) ..but if I really filled this whole website with detailed accounts of every single thing that ever happens to me then I might die of boredom while writing it. This isn't Jersey Shore.. and if I'm not having fun, YOUR not having fun. Don't mistake that as concern for you, my reader, but more like a threat of some kind. I will say though, I still refer to Roxanne as my friend Roxanne even though I haven't seen her since university. It was certainly one of the highlights of the weekend.

That and welcoming September with roasted corn, pumpkin pie, end of the season tomatoes and homemade marble rye. Hey, summerbugs, always look to the future!

Pictured here from the Stag and Doe,
my reason for needing a haircut on the worst weekend for haircutting ever.

Saturday, September 4

Unfortunate Header

...anyone proofread these things?

Bright side: so far all I'm feeling is some cool September breezes for our backyard "end of the summer" BBQ today.  It just happens to be my favourite weather so, if just for the weekend, THANKS!

Thursday, September 2

Things that have made my week so nice


Artwork by Moony Khoa Le. 
I love this one so much.


I used to have a client as a Homeopathic "doctor" so you have no idea how much I enjoyed this..

If you're surprised I haven't mentioned peanut allergies a bunch before it's because there's nothing to say other than.. wow that sucks, and no it's not even funny because it's an uncool allergy.  BUT since I am a parent of a child who has a peanut allergy and have rushed him to the hospital projectile vomiting with body rashes, and cleaned up the horrible mess of some idiot giving him half a 'regular' granola bar.. anyone who finds that to be a bother while making school lunches this year can just zip it.  ZIP.  IT.  Yes, life with fake-PB has been so bleak I don't even bother trying them anymore or I'll start to cry.. but I have finally found a fantastic high quality equivalent! and not in a vegetarian "I guess this is pretty ok = awesome" meat alternative.  It's actually awesome! and good for you.  I've only found it at Walmart so start there if you're looking for something like this.  Try the crunchy though (it's red).  I know there aren't ANY allergens in it, even gluten so I have no idea what makes it crunchy but it better not be seagull bones or something.

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