Thursday, June 23

A 5 year old could write this blog

I've come to the conclusion that my 5 year old boy should have his own blog.  His little assertions about life aren't so unlike my own "things that look like other things" that I love.  He likes to watch TV with us and hover over our computers and yes, interrupt you with what he thinks when you didn't ask.  Sometimes I'm glad though.

  • Watching the playoffs when Don Cherry comes on

    "He looks like he's getting married"
  • Playing Katy Perry's video "Last Friday Night"

    "Did she escape from the hospital?"
  • Something I saw posted on Facebook that I thought he'd think was cool

    "Hey look, it's Iron Man R2D2!"
    "That doesn't make any sense.  It would be way more cooler if it was Iron Man C3PO"

Wednesday, June 22

I'm not often offensive, but when I am.. I'm not sorry

I believe I've mentioned before that one of the weird things my friend Andrea and I came up with is a (completely inappropriate) game called Celebrity Death.  Unlike the Werewolf this one is pretty simple, the second a celebrity dies you notify the other the fastest.  We do not keep any scores but clearly the bigger win is in the bigger the celebrity you were first to hear about.  We've recently gotten Brooke into the game too because uhh... we're just assholes.  Anyways!  Today she got me with the death of Jackass star Ryan Dunn.

My response, admittedly, has to be one of the worst things I've ever said.  Probably because I honestly didn't know this guys real name until yesterday.

Now that's offensive!  More than I can say for when I read about what happened afterward to Roger Ebert.  The guy is an open former alcoholic, but he was pretty quickly attacked because he said it might have been dumb if this guy drove drunk? (if that was the case).  PLEASE.  It might not be "the time" to make that assertion, I get that part really I do.  Obviously I'm not happy that he or his friend died, nor was I there to know what happened, but I'd just like to make a point that I find people too often being afraid of saying anything because someone else didn't "make it ok" and say it first.  The reason being when you do STUFF LIKE THAT happens to you.  Every person who has heard this story in the past two days has thought it, no matter how sad they are; and while it's a serious tragedy that it happened at all.. just for a moment I'd like you to consider the fact that this whole thing would be spun much differently if their car had the misfortune of crashing into another car and killing someone else.  Maybe a bunch of kids on their way back from graduation.

I don't mind being an asshole about things if I'm an asshole who maybe has a good point.

Monday, June 13

What photo filter do you use for caged children?

I had a dream last night that included me and Brooke attending some sort of university in NYC, an insane professor that made us eat a large candy covered bug as an assignment, taking pictures with my Instagram and Brooke and I somehow not getting along because of something to do with me being competitive in class.  Oh and a professionally made cake was involved somehow, too.

In all that randomness what stood out to me the most was that technology has actually (finally?) invaded my sub-conscious, which I don't even know what to say about.  Not just random technology either, but a fracking app for my phone!  I need a break from photo filters.. uhh.. that has to be the lamest thing I've ever said.  Ever.

It might be true though since I Instagram'd a damn crime scene the other day.

What's better for the yellow in the police tape.. Apollo filter?
ugh, nothing looks good in Poprocket, amiright?

Speaking of really horrible ideas that seem pretty normal at the time, I love kijiji Hamilton for being so ...Hamilton.  Bunk bed + Crib = this?

Do not feed.

Click on the picture for the full ad.  This is a real thing! really intended for two babies to sleep in.  WTF?!!!

Wednesday, June 8

Holy Shot

Just in case anyone needs future reference of it, I am pretty sure something is wrong with me.  I actually decided to sit down and watch the pilot of the tv series remake of Teen Wolf (or what I thought was a remake of it, it's not..) just to see how bad it would be.  If that right there doesn't highlight there is something wrong with me, that I would willingly waste my time to see HOW BAD SOMETHING IS, then I have about 10 other examples.  One of those is why am I finding the guy who plays the lead to be supercute?  I mean THANK GOD he's not actually a teenager or I would volunteer my name on some kind list that warns people you're a bad person and nobody should let their kids talk to you.

Is there a list like that?  I said supercute, to clarify.  Not sexy.

Anyway, THANK GOD every teen show casts people in their 20s in High School.  Oh, and it's kind of a bad show but I know lots of people into Twilight so... this is much better than that.  That's ..a.. compliment?  In my old age I try and save anything bad I have to say for serious situations.  Like when my cousin txt'd me just now that their car is so messed up the mechanic said it could catch fire at any moment.  My autocorrect tried to say "holy shot" .. this is not the time, man.  I meant SHIT.

Tuesday, June 7


I was googling neck pain and I came across this.  All I could think is, his kids walking in on this and thinking he's trying to end it all.

You have severe osteoporosis, cancer of the bone or metastatic cancer, congenital spine deformity, panic disorder, unstable or fracture of upper spine, worsening of your pain or condition, spinal cord injury, fusion of cervical vertebrae, temporomandibular joint disorder, or if your symptoms are in any way related to fever or infection. -- NeckPro

Am I going to hell or would it not be hilarious to watch someone with panic disorder try and get out of this thing - immediately.  Funny until he accidentally hung himself, I guess.  I mean seriously from the look on that guys face how do these people not realize they are selling a suicide machine?

Monday, June 6

BBBQ- the extra B is for Brooke is leaving me

Is it me or does it seem like this year Mother Nature is extremely impatient?  It's not even the cottage yet and I've already been bit by whatever bug I'm allergic to.. twice!  My legs a-no looking so good.  And, if anyone noticed, there were about 100 different weather conditions in about a weeks time.  It's like the bus driver who blows through all his stops.  Mother Nature decided to bypass Spring so she can have a smoke break.  2 days ago we saw a little funneling of tornado wanting to happen in our neighbours backyard during a huge thunderstorm.. now I have a base tan from being outside all day in the backyard yesterday.  This seems like one of those questions at the end of a physics exam that states in all caps: EXPLAIN.  And show your work.  And then get me a coke... or something.. I don't want to come in the house, it's really nice out!!

And don't just say it's global warming.. that has been the answer for the last 15 years so it can't still be happening!!!  Can it?  I mean, I hope not, or else I guess that's a really big problem huh?  

Whatever, I have to plan a BBQ.  My best friend is moving to Alberta in less than a month so I have 2 weeks to learn how to make frozen banana skewers.  Oh, and whine or wine it out of my system.  If you're confused I am not talking about Andrea.  Yes, now two of my best friends will live 3 days away from me.  Fuck you, west coast, and your.. stampede! and clean air!  or whatever else you're known for other than my friends moving there.  

Things I'm excited about:  my backyard, my family in the backyard, the big pool, the fact we had Easterbrooks for dinner today, finding out what bug I'm allergic to and exterminating it.. unless that would cause global warming,  f'kin fishbowl friday, ordering bun hoy again because leftovers fed me for 3 days. etc.   A happy life is about celebrating the little wins, so when Brooke actually leaves and I need some more wins we can just revise this thing again.
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