Sunday, May 13

There`s a hidden beauty finding its way out of everyone

I'm not sure what's wrong with me.

You see, I walked into Walmart the other day and was nearly in tears looking a picture frame that said "LOVE" my greatest blessings in life call me Mother.  Then I had a glass of Red Velvet Cupcake wine and watched E!'s Giuliana & Bill's happy pregnancy news.  Don't do what Donny Don't Does.  You'll find yourself in a MESS of a MESS.

Ok maybe not that messy, but certainly not pretty.

When I thought of writing a post for Mother's Day I initially was a little sad that you will not be reading a big poem about how much I love my Mom.  Sad for YOU since I assume you all have totally awesome relationships with your Mothers, as I assume about everyone who has things I don't have, but not because I am a robot with no feelings.  I do love her, but in a defensive way.. the "don't talk crap about my Mom! only I can do that" way.   As an adult child of a Mother who has paranoid schizophrenia, I simply can offer no verses to write about how fuzzy and grateful she makes me.. but I'm pretty glad she took care of me even though she didn't take care of herself.  There was a time before all of that where she was the person I would write a fancy poem about.. like how I loved when she forgot my mittens for school and had to give me her fuchsia gloves that smelled like her.   It was the late 80s... not really her fault everything was fuchsia at the time.  Or velvet, or permed.  I felt like the coolest, most awesome kid with those mittens on.

Tonight I am completing another something on my 30-30 list for Mother's Day which is taking her out to dinner.  Sounds like a regular thing but for us it's not happened before.

On the flipside.

My favourite things to think of when I think of being a Mother are the times where I get a rare picture of me with my baby birds, usually taken BY me.  I hope one day they realize if there aren't a lot of pictures of us together it is because they are so special to me that I couldn't help but always be holding the camera, looking at them be great.  Since I'm sharing feelings and all that jazz I'll tell you that before I left the hospital with each of my babies, I took my iPod and put a little earbud to their brand new ear, and played them a soft little song.  One day I will tell them about the first song they ever heard.

Ethan Avery: 
Katie come true/Son, Ambulance

Gabriel William:  
I will follow you into the dark/Deathcab for Cutie

Kieran Patrick:
Talking Bird/Deathcab for Cutie

Happy Mom's Day to everyone.. nomatter what, it's a title that comes with respect and challenges; you are irreplaceable to someone so never forget the good you do.


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