I am in the ER. My best friend, Brooke, calls me at the airport about to board a plane to Cuba.
I have a major infection causing half my face to look like any character in the movie "The Klumps"
I'm told I have to spend the next 5 days with what they call "my new best friend" .. i.e. a $4000 IV pump I get to wear every second of the day. Brooke, my actual best friend, is already rum drunk and hungover in Cuba.
I may have returned to work in the afternoon because I am really horrible at taking direction from bacteria.. telling me what I can't do!? Ain't nobody got time for that.
Tuesday - Friday:
I hate everything. Specifically "my new best friend".. I call her Judy. Judy likes to watch me do a horrible job at trying to have a shower. I go to a clinic every single evening to get the bag of medicine in Judy changed.
Meanwhile, Brooke is just finishing up her sun-filled vacation! She learned now to make an authentic Mojito and I learned that the most common adverse side effect of Clindamycin is diarrhea.
I keep thinking in medival times I'd have so died by now. So much for evolution, bitches!!